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Can I date a man whose monthly income is 100k?
Well, if you say ‘Date’, then yes I can! Is it not just date? Hell yea! But because I know dating in our Nigerian context means being in a serious relationship with a man whose monthly income is one hundred thousand Naira, my answer is NO! If that’s the best I can get, I rather not get married. Heck I rather not have children. I mean, if I am in a serious relationship with a man, then I am looking to get married to him. However, if the relationship isn’t defined to ending in marriage, no problem. We can continue whatever it is we are doing.
This is not about pride, this is not about being insensitive to a hardworking man…this is REALITY – MY REALITY. It just doesn’t work and cannot work.
This also doesn’t mean a hundred thousand naira is not big money, it is. Very big and will make a difference in the account balance of almost everybody when added to their current balance. But with the current situation of this country and the standard I want for myself and my children (if and when I have them), it cannot work. If you reside in Lagos stat, you may understand. Our currency is very useless…once you bring out a thousand naira from your purse, it goes with the wind. If we were in a sane clime, I definitely won’t be expecting my man to earn a hundred thousand dollars to live comfortably. That will be preposterous.
Most things in life are mostly relative. There are people who can and will successfully run a family with way less than 100k, does it make them less human, no. I think they are awesome and I think it takes a lot of courage and strong will to live life that way.
There is an angle of conversation I saw on twitter – “since we talking gender equality, what stops the woman from earning more and dating anybody she wants to”. Of course that’s valid, but I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to relationships. From inception, man has always being seen as the provider and the woman – the helper. Even though these days the helper might be very capable of taking up the providers’ role, it doesn’t change black to blue. I can be serious with someone who earns lesser than I do, but he has to be able to earn enough in order to hold the home down even when I cannot. I love manly men, men who take charge while loving me dearly. And one way to be that type of man is being financially safe.
Anyone who tries to rule out the importance of finance in a relationship does not mean you well. To love your man or woman right, you need money. There is truly no romance without finance. I remember how horrible I felt when I fell broke on my ex-boyfriend’s birthday. I couldn’t get him as little as a cake and I was mad at myself. I beat myself up so much that he was wondering if I was even alright. He said it wasn’t a big deal but to me it was a huge deal. It’s his special day and I couldn’t afford making his day a little more special.
Now what did the above incident make me do? I told myself, Elsie you are broke, you are poor, you need to hustle harder and pray harder too of course. If I can’t get cake for a man I am dating, how can I throw a one year birthday party for my child? You say women are all about the money and cannot hustle with you but do you like yourself the way you are. Do you like your financial situation? If you do, then fine, but I don’t like mine and I am working towards changing my story. You should too, instead of being bitter.
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Even when I crave marriage so much, one of the things I tell myself is the fact that I am not financially good for marriage yet. Telling yourself the truth can make you be better. Let’s not lie to ourselves or try to sugar coat things. You don’t have to become a millionaire to get married or reproduce but get things right – your own basic things according to your set standard.
I believe that men deserve as much love as women claim right to. They are humans and have their soft spots too. A man may not necessarily show his emotions, affection and appreciation same way a woman would, but they feel it, they know who loves them dearly and when you have their back unconditionally.
A serious romantic relationship is all about give and take while knowing your partner will have your back even when things are not going as well as they should or used to. Which takes me to another point I have been itching to get to – financial goals and security. It’s not enough to earn 500k or 1million a month, your financial goals, attitude and decisions matter. As a woman, I do not want to get married to a man who earns 500k, maybe loses his job and falls broke in less than 2 months. What are your retirement plans? Are you saving? How prudent are you in spending? Are you wearing the whole 500k for the gram or you channeling funds wisely?
I can go on and on but I will leave you with something I saw on my timeline yesterday, a thread by @dollycent which made too much sense. Read below:
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