I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore. I’m just gonna let you be and move on.
I heard him say those words and it stung like hell. It kept on playing in my head over and over again. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it make me feel empty inside? Wasn’t I the one that turned him down on so many occasions when he made a move on me?
I mean the sex was amazing and the hangouts were fun but the moment he tried putting a label on what we had, I cut off and ran. Then I began avoiding him, not picking his calls, giving flimsy excuses. I wasn’t ready to label what we had, it was good the way it was, or so I thought. Why he wanted to define us was a blur to me, maybe not such a blur but I just wasn’t ready for it.
So began the late nights, the random calls and hookups but only when I wanted it. When I felt lonely or was horny. When I needed the company and needed to lower my stress level.
It was fun at first and he played along. I would creep into his house late in the night while he was asleep as I had a key and once we were done I would leave. I made it a point never to stay over till morning. We usually go see a random movie, the last showing on a week night, knowing well that there will just be a few people and we would end up shagging at the top corner, at the back of the viewing room, or the bathroom, or the parking lot, or on a lonely street on our way home. It was adventurous and the tension added to the whole excitement, making our chemistry and orgasms explosive.
Then, everything changed. He started avoiding me, stopped picking my calls at late hours, giving me flimsy excuses like, that he was busy or tired. Please! I use those excuses too. We were still hooking up but it was on a rare.
On this cold lonely night, I was restless and couldn’t sleep so I decided to take a trip down to his place. He had called me earlier that day but I didn’t pick. I wore my long coat with nothing under but my underwear. I know its so cliché but c’mon I was horny and him seeing me this way would make it hard for him to resist.
I drove down to his place and when I tired getting in, the door wouldn’t budge. I tried the key and it didn’t work, I even tried all the keys in my bunch but still nothing. That was stupid, I know right? But maybe I wasn’t just thinking. Then it hit me. He had changed his locks! Wow! I never saw that coming. So I called him up a few times before he picked and told him I was at his door. If he thought that was going to stop me then he had another thing coming.
He was cold. I had never seen him like that before. He asked me what I wanted and didn’t let me touch him or come close. He didn’t even let me go into his room and told me there was someone else in there.
“I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore. I’m just gonna let you be and move on.” He finally said.
I was shocked. I didn’t expect this. He had shut me out completely.
You see ehn, there comes to a point in a man’s life where he keeps seeing someone in his future. A point when you couldn’t go a day without thinking about that person. A point when you feel that she’s the last piece of the puzzle missing in your life. She was the one. I wanted to scream and shout and show her I was for real. I needed her to complete my life.
I mean it l was going great; we were seeing each other a lot and the sex? Oh my gosh! The sex was awesome! Especially in public places yea. We took public display of affection to a whole new level. What more do you want from a girl who can communicate well, is an amazing cook, whoop your ass when playing FIFA 14 and still be able to screw your brains out. The head! Ah, don’t get me started about the head.
I’m the cream of the crop. I’m as bad as they come. I’ve not only seen it all, I’ve done it and them all. So I can tell you from the beginning to the end about how women will act but what I’m not certain about is what exactly they want. Like seriously, what do women really want? They tell you they want a particular thing and then their body language will tell you they want something else.
Okay, so it was going great between us and everything was at one. I knew she was the one I wanted to spend forever with. I felt she was going to want more. I mean girls at some point always want something more sooner or later, even though it’s all you’ve got that you offering them. She on the other hand, I was ready to give my all and settle down with her.
I took her out on this particular night and we had our usual crazy fun. We were lying down cuddling and laughing about something random when I told her I wanted us to become exclusive and take what we have seriously.
”I’ve been thinking about it for a while, seeing how great we are with each other, what do you think?” I said.
I didn’t even get a reply, everything just changed.
I started seeing less and less of her. She stopped picking my calls and when she did, she would tell me something stupid. Yeah, it was stupid to me. She never saw me when I wanted her to, she would just show up randomly, most times when I was asleep at home and disappear before the morning comes. We hardly hung out and when we did, she never crashed over. I played along at first, hoping she would realize I was there to stay but it didn’t get any better. She was in control of the whole ball game and that wasn’t cool with me.
On this particular day I called her and she didn’t pick. I had had it. I changed my locks out of annoyance, went out later that evening and got myself one fine ass chika. I got a call from my favorite late night caller that night, she was at the door and couldn’t get in.
It was killing me inside. I didn’t want to act this way towards her but I had to, I was left with no choice. I just kept my poker face on, acted indifferently and moved away she tried to come close. I wanted to hold her, wanted to touch her, wanted to satisfy the fire burning inside me just in need of her but instead I told her I wasn’t going to chase or want her anymore.
I didn’t mean it and I just prayed I hadn’t lost her forever.
I was shocked beyond words. I should have known he was going to shut me out sooner or later, didn’t just expect it so soon. It was all clear to me now, I was in love with him and all I had to do was just open up and let how I felt flow but I didn’t. I left his place that night hoping I hadn’t lost him forever.
Now I know there’s a difference between ‘shutting the door’ and ‘the door being shut on you’.
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