By Tosin Ayo
Sparkling, dashing, suave and smooth-talking ‘Bachelor’Owing the eyes a million gamut of debtWomen gaze and mutter: ‘Omo tan’: End of discussionIf only body structure was economic infrastructureIf only ‘sharp’ appearance defined mental facultyIf only a fine face amounted to a functional brain!Attractive by faceEmpty in content!Pricey container, rusty retention!!Much ado about fashion, no substance!!!A real man is a priceless gold; thou art but just a costume Jewellery…’Panda’That bleaches, bloaches, peels and fades away on contact with rain.You ooze lack of depthYou radiate so much tokenism and pettinessfake flaunt and fanciful fool!A niggard in words and a vain vaunterStruggling swell-head egotist and braggadocio!You possess neither education nor enterpriseYou can showcase neither character nor refined intellect!You exude neither prospects nor progressYour much touted business lounges in extra-terrestrial trenchesYour briefcase is your officeYour home is your carYour fuel gauge oscillates between quarter tank to reserve calibrationYou wield four expensive phones but no airtime!Mr F’awo ra’jaPurchasing wares with your complexionMuch talk, less deedsBold, boastful and boisterous berkYou want a woman that will oil you, date you and pick the billsAll you do is sit at home and watch TVYou claim to be job-seeking though you have no CVYou revel in chauvinistic self-over-estimationAre you not doing the career spinster a great favour?You pitied her by dating herShe must pay If she ever wants you to moot any marital ideaCan she not see many of her ‘unmarried colleagues’ languishing in emotional jail?Will she not appreciate you for saving her face?Many of them would die to have you for keeps!They will pay heavily to acquire a revered liability like you!Your mates are digging excellence, you dig just ‘hole’ and ‘gold’All you do is eat, play and ‘play’You are a full-house-‘fiance’!Career women are your professional clients’Searching spinsters’ are your emotional investmentsYou throng churches, banks, fast food joints and cinemas…Seeking sisters to feast onProlific sperm donor and profound parasiteFinancial carnivore, economic cannibal!You moved in with willing women with just your ‘hand luggage’When are we coming to pay your ‘groom price’ thou shameless ‘he-goat’ without pride?Wait a minute; I heard some of you are even already married to someone else!What impudence! What confidence!!You abandon a home and seek another to fleece!You meander and wander the urban metropolis seeking ageing and naive spinsters to ‘smite’ and ‘devour’.You cave in on their innocent desperation to settle down to milk them dryYou capitalise on their weakness to make them your ’emotional customer’Mr. ‘hit’ and ‘run’, ‘shag’ and ‘brag’, ‘date’ and ‘dupe’, please fear God!Mere muscles, maleness and manhood do not make a man…Responsibility, good character and firmness make you a man!In this part of Africa; it is men who take care of women…But in your warped and twisted mind; these women must pay your billAnd they pay the piper but you still want to dictate the tune?You beat them up for their recalcitrance and lack of submission!Mr. S’agbe l’oju yoyo, the unmanly man with empty elegance!When you make a woman your source of income; prepare to live with the outcomeThe man who wants to lay the mistress must be prepared to buy the mat!Wives are to make homes, not take a slap!Women should be pampered, not siphonedWhen a woman pays your salary, she has already paid your dowry!Empty vessel! Fake figurineChange your ways or die a coward!(The ‘word bank’).* S’agbe l’oju yoyo (Yoruba…Shine, shine fancy, lacking depth, value and substance)* Omo tan (Yoruba…End of attraction, striking and irresistible beauty)* Panda (Yoruba… A fake, especially of Gold, an accessory that is not genuine, ‘unoriginal’ and ordinary)* F’awo r’aja (A fraudster, a scam and a deceiver, appearing bright but deceitful, employing a bright complexion to defraud unsuspecting female victims).