Relationship Checks and balances

short story - stuckholm - elsieisy blog

Ever sat down for a minute to figure out how your relationship went from good to worse? At those points, you begin to compare the beginning and the now. You wonder what you have done wrong and why he or she is suddenly not the man or woman you used to know. Attention gone, respect almost out of the window, consideration is no longer a thing…you find yourself in a ship with no name.

However, no matter how bad and blurry it may seem, if we are going to be sincere with ourselves, we all will agree that it doesn’t just switch from bad to worse. It’s a gradual process of letting BS go, not tackling issues head on and sometimes, fear of starting all over.

I am of the opinion that you don’t let bad attitudes or sudden misbehaviour go because it’s happening for the first time. You address it immediately or you will have to condone it for as long as the relationship lasts. He or she is doing it for the first time is usually a wrong interpretation of the first major sign. Once the sign is overlooked, you are stuck with a habit you might have to endure.

Don’t get me wrong though. Endurance is a vital trait in a relationship but know when to apply your dose of endurance. For many, the first few weeks in a relationship is usually the teething stage. Almost everything isn’t entirely real. There are very few people who are real from day one. Most people are different, overly nice, cautious and all, until they begin to show who they really are. This is why you should not be making excuses such as, ‘he or she is doing it for the first time, it’s a mistake, that’s not who s/he is’. No darling, that’s exactly who they are. Another common excuse sounds something like this – ‘we are getting to know each other’, oh yes y’all are getting to know each other and that’s the more reason checks and balances must appear at the very first occurrence, not later. Let him or her get to know that this turns you totally off and you won’t be accepting it.

Another big mistake is also thinking they’d change someday after the first time becomes the second, third and embracing the fourth. No honey, they won’t change. That’s who they are. Grown-ups don’t just change except they are hit with serious consequences, even at that, it’s never a walk in the park. The first 5 – 8 years of a human being is known as the development stage. They form and develop mentally, physically, emotionally and socially. If your significant other isn’t between the ages of 1 and 8 or perhaps, 15years old, then you should stop banking on them changing. Adults know what they want, how they want it and when they want it. Adults don’t just hop and change except they come to the decision on their own and for their own good.

So pick your battles wisely, however, at the right time, nip unwanted behaviours in the bud. Don’t wait till you are emotionally stuck.

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