The House XVIII

Previous Episodes –  The House I,  The House II  The House IIIThe House IVThe House V ,The House VI , The house VII,The house VIII,  The house IX, The house X,  The House XIThe House XIIThe House XIII, The House XIV, The House XV, The House XVI, The House XVII

SESAN…The day had picked up and gone well after we had gotten Bode home and left him to sleep in his own vomit. Guy threw up twice within five minutes of putting his head on a pillow. I wasn’t going to clean it up and Blackky wey I know won’t even step in the room. So we put out a bench outside and sat gisting while Bello came around to join us. I seriously wonder what everybody has been up to these days.

How far? You no see how Norway go spoil my ticket?“..Bello grumbled.

Come I no even understand again who come worse pass for you and Loco, una go soon set up shop for this compound“…I muttered.

How you know sef? E no need, Chukwudi don rent that shop wey dey beside Iya Nuru, he don become 1960bet agent“…

Omo una don kolo finish“ it was Blackky’s turn to be amazed.

So now na sport bet be the way? No be PS again? No wonder I sha see say dust don cover the PS2 for Sesan room“..he continued. He was right though, couldn’t remember the last time that PS2 had come on sef.

BEN…I no even hear anything, as I dey release inside Latifah na then I begin dey hear voices outside. I no even think am, I just bend down kiss one nipple. Latifah just dey breathe heavily, I don fuck am lifeless…chei, Ben, Ben I don kolo oo. I shake my head stand up. Now who be those jobless fellows wey dey make noise outside, I move near the window, peep. Shit! Na Sesan and Bello..wait o, who b that third person. E b like, e b like..Osanubua, na Blackky! Chei! When the stupid boy land?..

I have to start going before my mumsi starts to call“, I turn back to see Latifah don dey try stand up from bed.

No oo, Mbanu. You can’t leave now just yet“..

Why? Mumsi would soon start calling

Hmmm Sesan and Bello are outside and one other person you wouldn’t like“…

I wouldn’t like ke? Who is that?“ so she stand up come peep too from window.

She stood up on her toes and kept adjusting her neck. Maybe her brain was trying to tell her that it wasn’t Blackky she was seeing. Who wouldn’t know or have heard of Blackky? That one na Lord for this house back then.

Is that not Blackky?

No, no b Blackky…na Whitie..mumu questions wey girls sabi ask sha. You dey see person, you still dey ask ‘is that not Blackky?‘ I for slap this girl.

God, how do I go now? My mum would call anytime now oo“..she don wan dey cry.

Hmmmm wetin man go do now?

Just get dressed and wait, I’m coming“…I begin wear my own clothes sef back. I gast think fast.


I was just laughing as Blackky kept insulting all the boys in the house and gambling.

Una no go get life, una just sit down dey do try your luck abi“…

Oga ade calm down, everybody dey hustle. Come sef, you wey dey insult don make am ni abi no be runs you sef go dey find do for ibadan?” ..Bello countered

Who? Me? You well? I resemble Sesan wey go dey find runs up and down? I don dey work for recruitment agency o abi you think say na by magic this belle dey grow?“…

Weyreh re o, why be say na my name you con mention“..I had to defend myself.

Who make I mention? Boka wey no sabi two plus two well talk say him dey do yahoo? Abi na Ben wey be say na spare parts for Alaba he go still sell last last?

He made sense sha and I smiled. So in other words he dey try tell me say I go still hammer? I reach to stroke my little beards, the stupid thing don stop to dey grow. Annoying especially considering the fact that beards ‘ d new turn on for ladies now…I was still rubbing them when I noticed Ben walking toward us. So the idiot even dey house since.

Benji benji!! Na your face be this?“..Blackky hailed in his usual loud manner.

Haa charcoal, you still dey alive?“…birds of a feather

Your father still never get sense all dis years for you to dey respect your elders?“…Blackky always with a reply.

I see say you don miss Iya Nuru breast wey dey always uplift your brain abi?“..

You can never change, idiot“..

The two morons laughed and shook hands, Bello just sat down there shaking his head.

Hausa, wetin do you wey you dey shake head like Agama lizard?“..Ben attacked.

Omo ibo, no vex me this afternoon abeg. Why you dey smell like sperm sef?“…

Na sperm na, as per say I just fuck your sister inside finish, fool“…Ben appeared to have taken it personal ooo but e no concern me as me and Blackky fell off the bench laughing.

No be your fault, if to say Sesan don let you die that viagra day, you no go dey talk all this rubbish“..Bello replied quietly.

Viagra day? Abeg when that one happen oo, I don miss o“..Blackky was ready for gist.

Wo, no mind am jare. Boka no dey with una ni?“..Ben

Nope, I never even see the short devil today. Wetin happen?”…I asked.

Him come meet me say him sister call am from Village say him mama sick and dey hospital bed say him need ten thousand urgent. I no get,I come tell am say make he come check una for Konigba. He don go finish before I remember say na only him the mama born. So who con be the sister wey call am?“..

The idiot don wan scam again. I wonder why Uti never even kill am sef“…

Wait o, make una dey gist me. E be like say I don miss plenty things o. Chei and Mickole never land“…Blackky

Mickole ke? Wey the stupid boy dey. I hear say na enugu him see work now?“…I wondered. Mickole was also one of the first tenants I had met when I first moved into the house. Stupid boy that always liked keeping one mumu full beard. Anywhere there was a bottle of beer sef, you could find him. You want to locate him anytime of the day. Just travel to Australia sef and get to your hotel room..sit down and open a bottle of beer and five minutes I can assure you Mickole would appear right in front of you. Real name though was Michael.

Job ke, he go dey flex with one babe for enugu ni. Now he don dey Abuja with Wahidi. And dem call me say dem dey fall in lagos for the weekend ni o“…Blackky told us.

Chei, Wahidi omo alhaja and Mickole? Combination of drunkards“…Bello shook his head again

How va, make we dey go konigba jare…I need better jedi. Na so so waist pain wake me up“..Ben

Na from Konigba we dey come from, make we go back again ni?“..I asked

Wo, you go pay, if yes, make we dey go jare.“..Blackky stood up ready to move. Bello did the same.

You be my chairman na, I suppose fit host you small na. Make we dey go“…

Wait o, what about Bode wey dey inside“..I stood up and paused.

Leave am, na adult na..abi dem wan adult-nap am ni? If him wake up, he go dey clean up and take care of himself“…Blackky grumbled and moved. Well he was right sha. I dusted myself up and we all proceeded out.

BODE…White lights tell you something like you are dead and at heaven’s gate, right? But why was there no angel in front of me and heaven really smelled awful. I tried to move my hands and felt some sticky liquid on it. Then my eyelids moved and my eyes open and I was in the hell-hole called Sesan’s room and it was stinking badly. I raised my head and looked around and saw that I was alone still fully clothed. I sat up and felt a sharp pain in my head, damn headache. Everywhere was all quiet expect for a few voices coming from outside. I crawled to the window and peeped and could see Sesan, Bello and co walking out. Thank God, I didn’t want them to see me like this. I looked back at the bed and saw that there was vomit right on the rug. Fuck, I’m never tasting that jedi again. I managed to stand upright with the pain still banging in my head and took off all my clothing. I pulled a towel and wrapped it around. Time to go get water and clean up..I opened the door gently and peeped just to make sure no-one saw me. I looked right, no one…looked left down the corridor and saw someone who looked like Latifah stepping out of Ben’s room, adjusting her leggings on some mad ass. Wait, that’s Latifah! And she looked like someone in a hurry. As she was turning around, I quickly pulled my head back in and hit the door knob. God, what kind of jedi did I drink? The sharp pain told me, this is just the beginning. I counted one to twenty and then stepped out..Latifah was gone and there right across the compound was Yemisi walking towards me with her hands folded right across her what?!THE HOUSE XIX

Written by BASS @OlumiCFC

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