How do I Love Again

By Stela Xega

I knew i was in love when sleepingOn your floorWas better then sleepingIn my own bed

I knew i was in love when staying in your armsWas all i wantedand was better then every other place on earth

I knew i was in love when I cried into coffee cupsand kept drinking anyway,slept nearly 20 hours a daySince last FridayI held onto the hope of youtighter than my own sanity

I have feltpatheticand wrongand amazed

I knew i was in love when at nightsI wish that with my last breathI’ll exhale  my love for youAnd i desperately hopedIt was a cold nightSo you could see what you meant to me

I knew i was in love when we were stayingTogether in bed and i wrote’ Please don’t leave me ‘With my fingertips on your skin

I knew i was in love when i decided to let you go and I’m happyThat’s the perfect end for a piece of shit  story like this

And now i think i might brutally murder the next personWho says they love me and leaves

I knew i was in love when you looked at meIn the middle of the nightRain pouring on our faces, phones constantly ringingwith pity somehow and said’ listen, i have to go, i don’t know what to say ‘And i tiredly answered ‘ Don’t worry i know what we areAnd i know what we are not ‘

I knew, i just knew that i wanted it to muchAnd you didn’t want it enoughA basic imbalance

My mom told me once’ stop setting yourself of fire for someoneWho stays there and watches you burn ‘I guess mom was right

I knew i was in love when i realised i used to shakeAt the single thought of you loving someone elseBut i never knew how much  you could learn about a personBy the way they leave

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