Is Giving The Cold Shoulders To An Introvert Sensible?


They find pleasure in solitude, not in loneliness. So do you really believe they’re bothered?

In plain language, introverts are a distinct set of people who cherish their alone time above socializing in groups. They may actually like company, but one major characteristic that separates them from the average extraverted counterpart is their conversational limitation; they stay ‘out’ less, stay ‘in’ more.

Conversely, an extrovert stay ‘out’ more, and most never stay ‘in’. Comparing the extrovert’s assertiveness and outspokeness to the introvert’s quietness and introspective nature, how would we say the average introvert deals with being ignored?

First off, we’d have to acknowledge that there are different kinds of introverts. Understanding this will give us clear indication in determining if introverts are emotionally hurt when thrown the cold shoulders. If pop culture has anything to say on this, there are four kinds of introverts;

1). SOCIAL INTROVERTS: Not every introvert shy away from social gatherings. This category of introverts engage in getting around with a small group of friends. They are selective of whom they allow close to themselves, so they do not keep many extroverts as friends. Even though they don’t abhor socializing, they retreat when it begins to get overstimulating.

2). THINKING INTROVERTS: These category of introverts partly embodies the popular first perception people have about introverts. These ones find themselves within, and with, themselves. Staying ‘out’ physically drains them as they find mental equilibrium in their rich and complex inner life.

3). ANXIOUS INTROVERTS: When people talk of introverts, the picture is almost always one of a shy people who become intimidated in company. Well, this category proves that right. These ones feel painfully self-conscious around people and can get so frazzled out that they withdraw rapidly back ‘into their shell’ when ‘out’.

4). RESTRAINED INTROVERTS: Try to keep these ones busy all the time, and you’re showing them the earthly version of hell. They like to take things slow, biding their time; the kind who likes to watch things from the sidelines and think enough not to wade into any situation.

Now we have the list. Mental calculations? Of course.

We can clearly see now that just as each individual’s reaction to emotional fluctuations varies, each introvert’s response to being ignored differs. An anxious introvert would most definitely not care, or notice, when being ignored. It’s what his natural inclination demands anyway. When you ignore these ones to spite them, you waste precious time. They hardly notice. Or care.

Similarly, a thinking introvert would absently share his appreciation when he notices he’s being ignored. With respect to being given the cold shoulders, the line is drawn between the anxious introvert and the thinking introvert, in that the average thinking introvert might know he’s being ignored, but their reaction tallies; they don’t care. It’s actually more like making them feel at home in view that you’re hurting them by ignoring them.

The social and restrained introvert possesses more likelihood of succumbing to emotions when ignored. Here, they react like the average extrovert; feeling hurt, and/or sad. Though, they hardly make any effort to approach the ignoring fellow, their mind wanders in trying to figure where they went wrong. These types ‘die in silence’.

This is not to say introverts are just an impersonal set of people. They exercise emotional tendencies, like any normal human. It’s just that they are very (overly?) selective.

In fact, there comes an exception to their indifference (esp. the anxious and thinking category) toward being ignored when they have become emotionally attached to you. Herein lies their downside. When they like/love, they like/love too hard.

And when the object of their interest ignores them, they can get apprehensive, which sometimes leaves most in depression as they keep on thinking too much about it.

Ignoring is quite different from beefing or dissing. Contrary to popular belief, introverts aren’t always shy, so if you raise your voice at them, don’t be surprised when they respond in equal measure.

In essence, it’s almost always useless to ignore an introvert in vain spirit that it surely will hurt them. Nine times out of ten, they don’t care.

Why not think up an alternative than waste your time?

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  1. You re soo right nd i agree wit u bcos i dont knw wat category of introvert i fall under but i think i’m an anxious nd thinking introvert… Thanks for writing this piece about Introverts. makes me feel gud abt maself..

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