While we come out to fight police brutality in the #EndSARS movement, it is sad to realise that some men still attempt to abuse and assault women. Yesterday, a friend told me that she was “sad and scared”. Today, another friend said that she might not be interested in protesting overnight because the protest is about ending police brutality, not ending rape. It is crazy that as we all struggle to fight police brutality, women are worried about being harassed or abused. How can you be fighting police abuse while you still abuse women? This is saddening.
It is essential to respect women. In fact, they have contributed significantly to the progress of the protests. Besides that, you should always learn to respect women and not be an abuser like a SARS officer. In this article, I will focus on providing tips on how men can respect women.
Listen to the NO
Yes, you have a coconut head, but don’t be an idiot. Her “No” is “No”. Listen to the “No”. Imagine someone making you do something against your wish? How would you feel? Getting a women’s attention, number, or having sex with her is not a do-or-die affair. Learn to respect her when she says “No”, and move on.
Always get her consent
Besides listening to her “No”, ensure you get her consent before you do anything with her. Don’t take advantage of her when she is silent or intoxicated. Ask her, “are you sure?” “Is that fine with you?” “Are you comfortable doing this?” Never assume she says “Yes” until you hear her say “Yes”. To read more about consent, click here.
Keep your hands to yourself
Are you tempted to tap her ass or touch her breast? Rebuke the devil and keep your hands to yourself. Falling for this temptation is actually harassment. Don’t be like SARS harassing people. You can do better. Before you do anything with her, get her consent.
Call her by her name
Don’t call her “baby”, “fine girl”, “big bum”, “boo”, and the likes when you just met her and have no close relationship with her. Don’t call her LOML if she is not truly the love of your life. You will only be a blatant liar like the SARS that you don’t like. Ask for her name if you don’t know it, and call her by her name.
Don’t objectify her
A woman is not an object. She is a human being like you. She is not her breast. Or her ass. Or her clothes. Don’t focus on those things. No dey lose concentration. Focus on her as a fellow human being, and respect her the way you would want to be respected. Don’t reduce her to an object you can play with. I repeat, she is a human being. Respect her.
Learn how to really compliment a woman
Instead of “I like your ass”, simply say, “you look stunning” or “I like the way you walk with so much confidence.” As I said earlier, don’t objectify her. Anyway, there are a lot of things you can appreciate about her: her smile, her sense of humour, her kindness, her creativity, her passion, her career, her smartness. Basically, there are lots of non-sexual compliments that you can give a woman, and she might even find it to be sexy of you.
Seek help when necessary
If you regularly think about how to abuse, harass, or rape anyone, you really need help. Seek help. Don’t be afraid of being judged. You’re doing the right thing by seeking professional help. Don’t just run to a church or mosque or shrine or whatever religious place you want to go; also talk to a mental health professional.