Your CHEATING Heart

We have been on the cheating series for a while now and I end this today (for now) by bringing you Standpoints and the difference between men and women when they cheat. Thanks to LEONHART.In the end, cheating is no joking matter. If you are cheating on your girlfriend or wife, it might be that you are unhappy in the relationship, or that you have issues that you should address. Look at the big picture and see your unfaithfulness as a symptom of a bigger problem.

Cheating might feel good as a quick escape from your problems, but it’s only an anesthetic — not a long-term solution. 

STANDPOINTS

How are men and women different when it comes to cheating?

While both men and women cheat, there are important sex differences when it comes to cheating. The sex differences that influence cheating are based on two basic biological differences between men and women.

First, men and women differ when it comes to eggs and sperm. Men can produce hundreds of millions of sperm per day. By comparison, women are born with a million or so eggs, but only a fraction, roughly one egg released every 28 days over a short period of time – from puberty to menopause – has the potential to create life. Simply stated, women have about 400 viable eggs to use (and taking into account gestation, only about 20 actual opportunities to reproduce), while men are capable of producing billions and billions of sperm.

The second basic biological difference deals with gestation. Embryos grow and develop in women, not men. For men, reproduction can literally take just a few minutes of effort; while for women it involves, at the very least, a nine-month process.

From a biological point of view, men can constantly and quickly engage in reproduction while women are much more limited in their ability to do so.

These biological differences influenced our psychological desires before the invention of modern forms of birth control and still influence our unconscious sexual desires today. Men are more likely than women to think about sex and fantasize about having sex with multiple partners. In fact, a multi-billion dollar industry – pornography – exploits this basic sexual difference.

Given this basic biological difference, here are some key differences between men and women when it comes to cheating:

  • Men are more likely than women to cheat with someone who is less attractive than their current partner. Women cheat up class while men are more opportunistic when it comes to cheating.
  • Men are more likely than women to have a one-night stand. Women are more prone to having emotional affairs.
  • Men are less likely to consider leaving their partners after cheating. When women cheat, it tends to be more emotionally involved so they are more likely to consider ending their current relationship.

Men are more likely than women to repeatedly cheat on a spouse or partner

From a sexual standpoint, healthy adult men tend to be most aroused by a visual succession of body parts and sexual acts. Men in general also seem to have a greater psychological capacity overall to engage in objectified, even anonymous sexual experiences, which are devoid of any relationship or personal connection. This is why men enjoy pornography and strip clubs — venues that allow them to sexually objectify body parts.

Women, on the other hand, tend to be more aroused by sexualized and romanticized emotional connections between people more than body parts. In this way, women are more likely to objectify relationships rather than any particular visual image.

The basic idea is if you want polyamory (open relationships), spousal swapping or a “don’t ask, don’t tell” kind of relationship, go for it. Just make sure that your partner agrees to it up front. A mutual spousal agreement that it is OK to have sex outside your primary relationship is called having an open relationship, and extramarital sex in this arena is clearly not cheating. However, lying and keeping secrets about that same behavior while pretending to maintain a vow of monogamy defines infidelity.

Men most often cheat for one or more of the following reasons:

Having known lots of couples/friends struggling with one (or both) partner’s cheating, it is clear to me, from experience, that the most workable definition of infidelity is the keeping of secrets in an intimate relationship.

When discussing with couples who feel violated by various forms of sex and relationship betrayal, the central theme of their pain is quite consistent. A betrayed spouse’s greatest hurt comes not from the extra-marital sexual or romantic behavior (though that is no picnic to discover), but from the profound and often repeated betrayal of relationship trust by one’s closest ally, confidante, and life-partner.

What They Don’t Know Won’t Hurt Them

Sadly, many men don’t realize the profound effects that ongoing or repeated infidelity can have on the emotional life of a trusting long-term partner. Still others, lacking empathy, truly believe that their spouse would understand as long as the sex “doesn’t mean anything.”

Inevitably, most cheaters are eventually found out, and the resulting fallout is often much greater than anticipated by the cheater,

 Consumed as he has been by his intellectual justification and denial. Sometimes, even when both members of the couple are committed to healing, the backlog of emotional damage and personal betrayal is irreparable, especially when a hurt partner is unable to regain the trust and emotional safety required to be intimate. For those of us who walk the tightrope of clinical work with such couples, these cases are often the saddest of all.

Why men cheat on women, are in most cases different to the reasons a woman would choose to have an affair.

Having a better and clearer understanding of the inner workings of a man’s potentially unfaithful mind can help you in preventing the hurtful and often traumatic event in your relationship.

         And finally to end this gruesome series, let me show you the dream of the modern man…..if only God put this in the box women came in. please don’t laugh. (am laughing like a juju priest)your cheating heart

Your Friend,

 Leonhart – www.chriskingleonhart.com

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4 comments

  1. Leonhart, I’ve always known you to be quite thoughtful and interestingly intellectual in your writings, this is just one of the many. Elsie, thank you for posting this,keep em coming.. it’s like u folks have carried out an extensive and comprehensive research, interviewing married and unmarried couples trying to pick their brains on this whole cheating issue. This is a very theoritical respresentation of the facts covering the real reasons behind the indulgence. It takes strong commitments to keep a relationship going without cheating. The truth is, couples should make efforts to know each other deeply. That way, knowing their capabilities n anticipating their weaknesses will be a great step in the right direction. If only we thought about consequences before acting, we for no dey get these issues. But as humans, we hardly do.

  2. I think at the base of it the problem with cheating is in two fold. 1. We are often unsatisfied with what we have. The question of can something that is owned be desired comes into mind on this one. We think grass is greener on the other side but it is often just an illusion. 2. Lack of control. This has become a popular trend in society because cheating has been normalized to a point where people not cheating are in the minority. When you mix lack of content with lack of control, cheating is almost inevitable. Obviously there are the people that have dead relationship and no one is fighting to save it so cheating becomes the only option for a romantic or sensual experience. Marriage and relationships are not for everyone even though social pressure and conditioning has made as all believe this is the case. And in this new overly individualistic world where everyone is stuck on their own opinion, matching partners are as rear as diamonds 🙂 My 2 kobo

  3. whoah this blog is fantastic i really like reading your posts. Keep up the great paintings! You understand, many persons are hunting round for this info, you can help them greatly.

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