You read that right, it is total Bullshit! and I personally think this is the kind of phrase we say to people that end up ruining their minds, pushing them to becoming who they are not, bend over and beyond for people who do not deserve their kindness and have them slide down a slippery slope to depression. We do not necessarily attract who we are, people are just messed up.

This phrase made me pull away from a very close friend. Sometimes, it could be used right and not mean any harm, however, most times, it is BS. I was sharing my experience with men in my day to day activities and of course, my relationship and she said “why be say na this kain people you dey attract?” and the alarms in my head went off. Like hold up babes, did you just blame my sweet self for being mistreated by these men? Did you just insinuate that I am to blame for the fact that a full grown man cannot help his over flirtatious self? Did you just insinuate that my honesty attracts liars and players? Did you just insinuate that the fact that I am understanding, make excuses for you and not hold an a error over a person I care about, forever, is the reason I meet people who keep making errors?

I have also seen relationship bloggers, blogs and platforms use this psychological manipulative phrase as bait and it works every damn time. Of course it will work, because the only reason you are single and paying attention to contents like that is because you have been told ‘you attract who you are’ and that ‘you need help’. So these platforms are readily available to proffer some form of solutions which at the end of the day are utter hogwash.

All you successfully do is throw the blame back at the ‘victim’…In this case, victim can be relative but you get my point.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not think that I am perfect, no one is perfect, we all do have our flaws and it is imperative we create room for changes, adjustment, improvement, unlearning and learning, however, we are not who we attract. I say this from experience and from a place of self-awareness.

You also have to understand that sometimes, you are not just compatible or meant to be with the said ‘bad attraction’. It might take time, a lot of investment and heart ache but you will find someone who deserves you and vice versa or not. Yes darling, or not! But one thing that have worked for me and still do work for me is that I have learnt to live in the moment. I have too many positive things going on in my life for me to focus on the negatives. I understand life is a journey, success is a journey and for every failure, there are many victories and lesson. The question is; Can you see them or are you letting your pain and emotions drive you?

So when next a man or woman is in distress and is pouring out their pain and disappointment to you, please don’t ruin them by using this phrase. Many people are genuinely nice and if they find the right person who would be sincere and genuinely decide and put in effort to love them, they will have a beautiful relationship.

The thing about relationships is that it takes two and the craziest thing about relationship is that it takes two. You can only try, play your part and hope that your partner is on the same page with you. You cannot do it alone so don’t beat yourself up. It hurts but you will be fine because you are a complete package, work in progress and a unique rare piece of art.

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  1. Thanks this is insightful. I personally am one of those that have gotten to accept that phrase and have begun to believe or see reasons to it base on personal experiences. With this I guess a second thought/perspective to the phrase has erupted

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