#50DaysCountDownTo2015 – DAY 32. Written by Oluwasegun Olufemi, He blogs at femifragile.com
Fragile Kindness comes to life in the way we speak, act, and relate with others. It is extending a hand of fellowship. It is all good, but it comes with its own demerits. It comes in hand with sympathy and empathy which in turn leads to hurt and hate. The best way to be kind is to be modest about it, that is the best way to help whoever you are extending an arm of generosity to. Don’t ever make someone feel you are helping because his situation is pitiable. If you need to be kind, don’t show empathy; it drains emotion.
We live in a world where people love to emotionally blackmail their helpers, hereby making kindness lose its effect. Being kind should be in standards. A standard that saves your respect and makes you appreciated. A standard that makes sure the good you do isn’t thrown back at your face. Before you go all about being kind, you need to consider if there need for it. It is humane to help, but you don’t need to help someone who doesn’t need to be helped. See a list of the group of the people who doesn’t need/want help
- Lazy people
- People who appeal to pity
- People whose loyalty are questionable
One might want to argue that good should be done irrespective of a need or not. If this is the case, why do you hurt when your act of kindness is thrown back at your face? Not everyone deserves to be helped, if at all you must carry out an act of kindness or generosity, do it without any expectation; that’s the only way to keep your emotion in check so you don’t get hurt. Unlike what most people think, being kind isn’t just being a philanthropist; it might involve giving out cash, but that’s not its sole purpose. It is an act of happiness; both in giving and receiving. I decided to come up with what I think kindness should be about.
It should be about giving support: support comes in play when it comes to friends and family. The best way to be kind to your family and friends is to support them, irrespective of if you enjoy abundance wealth or not. Don’t ever try to be a pillar, the best you can do is to be significant. Always remember, you cannot solve all their problems. Thus, there are days when you have to garner your thoughts wisely before giving it a push. If you help them all the time they will keep coming back. The day you fall short of helping them, that is the day you add an extra foe. God help you if witch nack u otumopor. Ore niiwon – being good has its limit.
It is being of assistance: this seems the easiest way to be kind, but believe me it demands a lot of sacrifice. It is the best; it isn’t demanding, it can’t be forced, it involves making quick decisions, and you can always move ahead without pressure. It involves helping random individuals. E.g. giving alms to beggars, paying for a stranger’s cab fare, offering an advice, donating to the orphanage, Etc. I refer to it as a “come and go” relationship; you might never meet such people more than once. Hence, no feeling is attached, no relationship is built, and no harm is done. It is a service to humanity; it will be rewarded by nature. It is the best type of kindness. It comes from the heart.
It should be about service: this is the most ticklish and complicated one. It brings to play friends, family, and strangers. This is because it involves productivity and a high rate of turnover – profit. Nonetheless, always remember, businesses thrives when friends and family pay for the services they receive. Your business will crumble if you offer free goods and services in the name of kindness. When you hear something like “remember we are brothers” or “we be padi”, send your emotion on holiday. If you cannot do that, have someone else negotiate on your behalf. Don’t let kindness be your weakness. The riskiest of all services to render is that which you render to a total stranger in the name of being kind. My people will say “oju l’oun r’oju saanu – sympathy should prompt you to help.” I don’t believe that saying; you have never met him, and so the first impression he creates will be quite appealing (in most cases); an act that will tickle your sympathy gland.
He will make you see ‘only’ the good about himself, his plan, or his proposal. Thus making you want to help. In most cases your emotion compels you to keep a relationship with him. You immediately put yourself in the position of a mentor, friend, helper, or even take up responsibilities on his behalf. You don’t want to go down there; it is a sinking ground. If at all you must take the risk, please question the following; his motive, loyalty and your gain. It is easy to pretend when one needs help badly; a devil in disguise. Be careful! If you have to render a service for free in the name of kindness, be ready look away. Else, you will become a “used and dumped” product. You will be taken for granted; you will lose your respect. You will wake one day to realize he got a better option/alternative. Perhaps you are like me, and this is your way of being kind, STOP TODAY!
You have to get commitment and loyalty for the service you are rendering; it is called checks and balances.
An act of kindness should make you happy. Don’t lose your happiness in an attempt to make someone happy. Don’t alienate yourself; if it doesn’t make you happy, it is not worth it. Be kind, but be cautious. This is solely my opinion, you are free to object.