Undefined love

dear elsians

Dear Elsians,

I am in a fix right now and I really need help in making a decision. I was dating a guy whom I love(d) so much, after almost a year he left me to be with another lady. During the time he was with her, I still let him keep having sex with me and I was hoping he would come back to me. Now, he claims to have left the other lady, we still have sex, but he would not let me really know what we have going on. It is getting confusing for me because we still argue like we were lovers, but to people we are “exes”. I get jealous when he talks to other girls, and he always gives me the attention I want and is very good in bed. I know I still love him, but something keeps telling me he is just using me because he feels I am desperate to be with somebody. I need advice, do I let go finally, or keep hoping someday he would define what we have?

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12 comments

  1. Alright let’s look at it this way, I can scream at you about self worth and self esteem and all that other crap, but to other commenters, if you haven’t been down this road, I think it is beyond your call to give advice.So here is my 10kobo. Sometimes the heart is blind, deaf and dumb and it manipulates the brain to think it is that way too.The heart wants what the heart wants even when the head tells it “this is bad for you”. So the first step is to let the voice in your head dominate the one in your heart and it is done by talking to a trustworthy friend.Since true friends are hard to come by, you are probably out of luck. You are much better off talking to the wall or better yet strangers.With the strangers part, I ain’t kidding. It is a brilliant way to towel out your issues and get feedback what you should be doing to get over this nincompoopOk back to being serious, first I would work on getting him out of your head…heart or wherever the devil he is hiding. That’s the difficult part and you do that by loving you. If you love you, you won’t take crap from nobody, not even your dead great grandpa.Hope this helps. I am a girl of few words…I wish!

  2. Common! You’re better than this, what makes you think there isn’t some1 else that would be truly yours and yours alone, which you actually don’t have to share… Get on with your life dear and stop depriving yourself of what you deserve, he’s using you… Believe me you love him but it obvious he doesn’t love you in return… exam mood activated back

  3. He’ll sleep with you for as long as you let him – which will probably be forever.Ask yourself; why should he commit to you since the best thing you have to offer him is sex – and not only that; you give it to him on demand?!No disrespect but I conclude sex is the best thing you have to offer because he was sleeping with you, he left you to be with other women but is still sleeping you. Why should he take you serious?!I’m not judging; forgive me if I sound like that BUT expecting a commitment from this guy is expecting Mandela (RIP) to come save Nigeria.Wake up and smell the coffee – and move on.My 50 kobo.

    1. Ahn ahn Seun, I thought by now you will let me steal the 10 kobo line. Jeez!Ever been in this messy situation? Oh wait you are a guy, so society has the odds in your favor!

  4. you are so beautiful inside out…..anyone will want you for what you are but few will want you for who you are…you are worth more than a sex mate or sex partner, someone out there love you for real….you are a person with all Quality needed in a lady.. you don’t know what real love is until you get some who really love you and you love the person in return. trust me you are a sweetheart and i know you are a great lover, best friend, you will surely be a good wife, a lovely mother and a great grand mother too….lol ….Let Love Lead.

  5. I’m amazed are all ur comments…..Well you paint the whole pix like someone who is a victim while u are not. Firstly, he is ur current bf, cos u don’t seam to mention anyone else plus u say he claims to have left the other gal, so do the math.For u to say ppl see u as exes to me is contradictory cos ppl believe what they perceive as reality n if u say u argue as lovers what other kind of evidence do they need to perceive ur relationship status.Secondly, you regularly had sex with him even when he was still with the other gal. So this is beyond the tale of blind love but willful lust ,or was he raping u. so why complain. Gf, u used your bum bum to get a guy back from the bosom of a rival, now u hv the attention u desire what seams to be ur problem. I know u want more commitment from him n u want ur relationship properly defined but this is the stupidest (if there is such a word as that) way to go about. You should instead work on being committed to him. This article should help you http://www.st-princex.com/2012/07/the-way-to-mans-heart.html?m=1

  6. Well!I’ve not been dere so I might not rily be able to advice u as a person who rily knwz wt it means 2 be in dis situation……but judging from the little I knw I’d suggest u jst let go finally….it cud be so hard,since u still love him!I want u 2 try 2 put away d fact dt u love him n understand dt he’s with anoda girl….n ask ursef dis questions….what’s happening to my self worth?what is happening to myself esteem!would i jst let it go like that while i keep him?

  7. U̶̲̥̅̊ are nuttin buh α SEX SLAVE τ̲̅ȍ HIM, wat U̶̲̥̅̊ Ђα̲̅vε̲̣̣̣̥ in common is SEX nuttin more Α̲̅πϑ remembere relationship is not jez all about sex buh how τ̲̅ȍ help each oda grow inluv, mutually, career, Α̲̅πϑ all, so givee urself brain b4 U̶̲̥̅̊ Fade away…….

  8. Somme girls alwayz get it all wrong †̥ђά̲̣̣†̥ sex can actually make α guy stay, Error, U̶̲̥̅̊ α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ jez an availability were there is urge ƒσя SEX by α guy, remember I cant jez be eatin ogbono soup all τђё time, I also need τ̲̅ȍ taste egusi Α̲̅πϑ oda soup τ̲̅ȍ кησω ♓☺w swt d̶̲̥̅̊ε̲̣̣̣̥γ̲̣̣̥ α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥, dnt sell Ūя̲̅ pride, U̶̲̥̅̊ cant tie α guy byy continius sex style, am not ssayin U̶̲̥̅̊ cant Ђα̲̅vε̲̣̣̣̥ ssex buh wen its becomes α usual tin U̶̲̥̅̊ eassily fade away remember U̶̲̥̅̊ α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ not even married yet, not τ̲̅ȍ talk of abouut τ̲̅ȍ, abeg if U̶̲̥̅̊ no get sence borrow brain, no run º°˚˚°ºoh, flew away………

  9. I heard somewhere that “why buy the milk when the cow is free”. The guy cannot and will not be commited to you simply because what he expect to satisfy him is being given to him free of charge without commitment!Having said that,in my opinion you don’t use sex to trap a guy down cause um when he gets a better sexer you become history or better still spare tYre. Grap your heart from from deep inside the smelly place its hidden and borrow your self some brain, you are more than this and you ain’t a sex machine to satisfy the uncommited and undefined libido of a man.Pull yourself together and start afresh with a clean slate.

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