Divorce has got to be one of the most terrible things a man or woman can go through. It’s also one of those situations where you can never fully grasp the pain and torture until you have to go through it. But one thing is clear, just like I say for the hurdles of being an orphan and what orphans have to go through, it is a unique rough path for every individual. You cannot claim to understand the pain or the angle of the pain…we can only imagine.
I am sure my regular readers are wondering why Elsie is talking divorce, she is not even married. LOL, yeah! I had an experience which got me thinking. Some of you know I have been living alone for years now, which inspired the post I did on single ladies and perception of living alone as a spinster in Nigeria. However, last year, I made a decision which soon became the worst decision of my life.
In April 2017, I decided to move in with a friend (For the records, I am never trying this again. The only human I can live with right now has to be my husband or I am not interested.), which I did. The decision stemmed from the fact that friends and family constantly complained of the fact that I hardly go out or mingle with people. So when the opportunity to have a flatmate reared its head, I jumped on it, hoping to make more friends and probably get more business connect. Things went on well for 6-7months until it went south.
A decision I made in April with joy, had me shedding tears in November and entering the New Year 2018 with debts to pay (typing this is quite easier now that debts have been cleared). I beat myself up so much for letting me slide into such situation. It was one of the roughest moments of my life and God came through for me through friends and good people. Funny part is, of all the things I thought this decision could help me achieve, I achieved none. I rather came back to my normal life with one less friend and plenty lessons learnt.
Fast forward to me being settled in my cute place and chilling… I am happy, balling, 2018 started off great but I still miss that companionship. I remember everything my flatmate loved, liked and enjoyed. I think about how she laughs, her opinion (though I don’t agree with all), her charisma, her drive, her priorities, her strength, her weakness, her fried rice delicacy, etc. I make a meal sometimes and I remember how lit up she would get if she walked in on me cooking. I remember our hangouts, schemes, jokes, gists…I remember everything. The good memories and it makes me smile. I do not want them back cos I was extremely hurt and decided to push every negativity away but I remember, smile and miss it sometimes.
Then this got me thinking about going through a proper divorce. I mean, I only had to stay with a friend less than 6months and I experienced this change phase. Now imagine having to be separated from a man or woman you have loved for years, communicated with for years, built a life with for years… at some point I was calling everybody around me by her name cos I had been programmed to call her by default. I mean this is someone I used to call a lot and I am the kind of person who calls people by a name. If I could feel this way, be broken for a bit over just a friend, how much more marriage?
Instead of judging people who are divorced, being a hypocrite about their plight and acting like your marriage still stands because you are the only son of God and Jesus combined, try understand the pain, how strong they have had to be and mind your business if you have nothing good to say. Yes, Christians hammer on the fact that God hates divorce but fail to remember that he does not hate divorcees.
Losing someone you have loved or may still love is no joke. A divorcee once said this to me – “Elsie, it’s better to lose your partner to death than to someone else. It is extremely hurtful and terrible. But God is faithful.”
Especially for those who didn’t want a divorce, there will be periods of anger at everything and everyone. Whether they have gotten over the pain and anger or not, they do not need you to be terrible. We need to be better as humans.
Feature Image source – FriendsFirst