Previous Episodes – The House I, The House II The House III, The House IV, The House V ,The House VI , The house VII,The house VIII, The house IX, The house X, The House XI, The House XII, The House XIII, The House XIV, The House XV
My face was burning, I could actually feel the steam rising off my cheeks. I opened one eye, God! Everywhere was so shiny and bright. Was I in heaven, had I finally touched the stars? I reached up my hand towards the light and a slap stung my cheeks and I could properly now see the rainbows in the room.
“Be like say this one don shayo o“
A voice came through. I couldn’t still see through the light which was focused mainly on my eyes. Betting it was a flashlight on me. I raised up a hand to shield my eyes from the rays.
“Slap am again“, a different voice this time.
“Please don’t“, I don’t know where I found the strength to speak up.
Apparently my plea was answered because I didn’t feel a thing.
“Your eye don clear. Good, wey your phone?“
My phone? Yes my phone, where the hell had I dropped it? Oo it was in my jean pocket…but what did they want with my phone? I don’t know and I don’t think I care..I just pointed to where my jean lay on the floor. Something kept ticking in my head like some sort of time bomb about to go off. The light stayed on my face and all I could hear was movement around the room. There must be three guys in the room, I couldn’t tell…my brain was in a maze but then I remembered Yemisi. Where was she? Was she ok? I couldn’t turn my face to look up at the bed for the fear of been hit with another slap.
“I don see the phone, na two fifty the idiot get for wallet sha“., came the voice that had gone for my jean.
“You serious?!” And without waiting for confirmation, another slap hit me and I went to ground.
“So na only two fifty you get for hand na im you carry olosho come hotel“
I wasn’t concerned with the criticism at the moment, I was more interested in the blood I could feel trickling down my nostrils. I knew if I didn’t get to a bathroom soon, I was going to pass out.
“Make we search her, she fit carry pass am“..the voice with my jean again.
“No bother!“, His reply sounded pretty angry and right now I couldn’t tell if it was me he was mad at or his partner having confirmed now that they were just two in the room.
“Just take her phone, make we dey go“, then to me, “Oya close your eyes, if you open am before we comot I go slap your soul teleport to judgment day“
I gladly closed my eyes considering that judgment day wouldn’t pay me considering all that had happened last night. I don’t know how long it was that I closed my eyes for or when the light left my face but when I opened them, the room was all dark and quiet. I stood up and look towards the bed to see Yemisi sleeping naked I guess considering her upper body was naked and a blanket was covering her lower half. I shook my head and headed to the bathroom.
Wetin carry Blakky come back lagos…wasn’t he already comfortable and all in Ibadan? I sat up properly and continued to stay at him unsure of how to react.
“Shey you see ghost ni? Abi you no sabi greet“…Fool wasn’t even around for five minutes and his mouth was doing its usual job once more.
“I think say that Ibadan wey you go, sense go abide with you ni but it seems I’m wrong“.
“Haaa, you sef don dey sabi talk oo“, he bursted out laughing.
“Chei I don miss all of una oo”!!, he continued.
At this I smiled, truth is I have missed the idiot pretty much. He was one of the first tenants of the house, actually he and I had moved in at about the same time and since I considered myself as one of the first..he also was.
“Omo, where everybody? Bello and Benji nko and wetin be that short igbo boy name sef? Wey him name sound like gun?“
“Boka“, I reminded him, Blakky always took his time in taunting Boka about anything and everything.
“Haaa yes Boka, see as compound empty na at just ten o clock“
“Guy, I no even know me sef just dey enter house, be like say everybody comot sha“
“How Mimi and that her friend o? Dem still carry head enter the Olosho business?“, He asked as he was dropping his backpack in a corner and taking off his socks. He hadn’t changed much except for his stomach which had started off as another planet of its own. Same old blakky, if not for his height..he was 6ft plus,,he’d be looking like some samba football.
“Ohh, Francisca don pack comot for here since. She and Mimi fight, na only Mimi dey here now but she don get her own squad“
“Wait o, you mean say Oloshos don get permanent stay for this house?“, he asked in shock.
“Yes o, na them full those rooms wey dey near the well. Na Aso rock we dey call the place sef”.
Blakky bursted out laughing…I let a grin show.
“Omo, life don spoil oo. Chei,I know say na Baba Landlord go use him hand kill himself, hope say he still dey alive sha?“
“Hehehe, the man still dey breathe“
“Wo you go gist me plenty, abeg make we go konigba. I need small shayo abi the woman don pack comot?“
Konigba at this hour? This dude was back with his awkward thinking and all. Asides the fact that I didn’t like going to Konigba any more, the chances of getting arrested there increased by over a thousand percent at night or so sha..I no too sabi statistics.
“Wo, guy! I wan sleep. Inshort I don dey sleep when you enter. You sef wey travel come. Sleep! We go go konigba first thing in the morning!“, I didn’t wait for his reply which I knew was going to be an insult. I just felt back to the bed and covered my head with the pillow.
Morning came early, I opened one eye first to stare up at the ceiling and saw the fan was rolling. Ope o! There was light! I jumped up and headed to the nearest socket to plug in my phone! Phew thank God I go charge small. Then I looked around the room and noticed I was alone. No Bode, No Blakky. Huh, I wasn’t too concerned about Blakky. He could take care of himself but Bode wey be JJC. Or could he have come home, woken up early and gone out? Probably so ok now where is Blakky? I was pretty sure he couldn’t have gone to Konigba without waking me. I walked to the wall hanger and proceeded to change clothes. Just then Blakky came in all covered in sweat.
“Guy where you dey come from?“, I asked like a concerned idiot.
“Omo no mind me jare, I go for my early morning jog“
“Huh, blakky you well? When you start to dey do early morning jog? You no tell me say you don enter olympic team“
“You go get sense one day o but no be today. You know see my potbelly ni abi you no want make e go down ni?“
I bursted out laughing, true he had a point but then again I looked at him from head to toe. Who goes out jogging with boxers and singlet on but then again the idiot could just have jogged round the compound fooling himself.
“Wait, make I wear clothe make we dey go konigba. I need that jedi bad.“
“Wo,I dey outside..meet me for road, no forget lock door o“..I stepped out and got a pair of slippers on. Then I noticed Seyi carrying a bucket of water and headed into the main building. I slowed down my steps calculating for her to enter the house and not see me but at that precise moment she looked in my direction and waved. Oh,t his week wasn’t going well at all. I walked up to her and exchanged greetings praying she’s go on inside. Instead she stood akimbo staring at me.
“Have you forgotten we are meant to go to the cinema together?“, She queried
“Oh no I haven’t forgotten, been waiting for you to decide on what movie to go see“, Cinema ko home theatre ni.
“I have decided, how about we go see Half of a yellow sun later in the day“, She said with that smile again.
I was about to whip up an excuse when Blakky showed up and had an arm around my shoulders.
“Good morning cutie“, He never change rara.
“Good morning“, Seyi looked sort of irritated by his appearance. It was that darn potbelly I knew it was! This dude had better take that his yeye early morning jogging very seriously o.
“I am Blakky by name and alias and may I know your name?“, he reached out a hand to Seyi.
She scoffed and took a step backwards and picked up her bucket of water.
“Sesan, I would buzz you later in the afternoon when I’m ready“, She said as she walked away.
Blakky turned around to face me.
“Shuu! Who be that one? When she pack enter this house wey person dey greet am, she do me like person wey get Ebola“
“When you sef behave like pikin nko? Guy, no disturb me jare, make we dey go“, and I headed out. I could hear him dragging his feet behind me..I got to the gate and opened. Bumped into Bode with a swollen cheek.
“Jesus! Guy what happened to you?“
He didn’t reply, he just looked down at the ground. Blakky came up behind me.
“Who be this?“, He asked.
“Na my cousin“.
“Wetin con do am wey he dey look like pikin wey lost him pocket money?“
“Blakky, shutup jare“, I snapped. “Bode what happened?“
“I got robbed on my way home last night“, thank God he could still talk.
“Omo guy sorry o. Atleast dem beat you plenty“., Stupid Blakky again
“Come come follow us. Seems you need a drink more than us sef. Let’s go.“, I held Bode by the arm and turned him around. Time for his first trip to Konigba.
Na me dey use my hand dey koba myself. Who send me message ehn? Who? Wetin consine me if Yemisi dey fuck Bode? Chei which kain wahala I con put myself so? Who send me go tell Uti again. As I go tell Uti say Yemisi dey fuck Bode and say the boy dey always get money for hand..Uti send me to dey follow Yemisi up and down. As I sit down for Cyclones bar see her book room and Bode show, I sharply call Uti. I no know say na two hundred and fifty nairy the idiot get for hand. And common Nokia X2,well na Bold6 we see collect for Yemisi hand. That one just sleep like person wey don die for bed. She no even move one bit as Uti slap Bode reach.
God o, wetin I don enter now? As we comot for there come house, Uti no even talk anything. He just collect the two phones for my hand go him room go sleep. At least he leave the two fifty with me.
Make I go konigba, manage small jedi. As I wear clothe finish, take my phone na im Uti enter my room o. Na only shorts him wear, no shirt. I don die.
“Sir!!”, I no even dey call my papa sir
“I need ten thousand this night. I wan travel” and he just comot. He no even wait ask if I go fit get am.
Ten thousand just like that. No be small jedi I need for konigba. I need gun for armed robbey work.