The Safety Net


It is safe to say I am angry, which does not happen always. I recently saw a picture of a lady who had been battered and physically abused by her husband and I whispered to myself “what an asshole.”

Now, I am a church girl so using the word asshole is not relatively a language I would first think to use. Oh well, moving on. In the case if the battered lady, some people were asking “what did she do to get a beating from her husband?” Some said “well she must have done something.” Oh my GOD!, I was almost speechless. Was that a rhetorical or a trick question? Is he her father? I really can’t!They say marriage is “for better or for worse right?

As much as I have my reservations about that statement, it is the norm and my little idea of it really may not be of any significance to another person

Moving on again

I am Nigerian and I shall focus on the certain Nigerian mentality about abuse. It is not a general mentality, but most people have this one way of thinking. Imagine a man beating the living daylights out of his wife and not just once and the woman may just end up running back to her people for safety; only for her people to send her back to the man on bended knees, begging for him to take her back. My GOD! What is she begging for? More beatings why would a parent send his or her child to their own demise? I once heard a father telling his abused daughter “oya you have to go back to your husband o, we don’t have the resources to take care of you and two children.” I’m sorry, but “what?”. Hmm, I was beyond shock and exasperation. Poor lady cried her eyes out as she mounted an okada with her two toddlers back to the place of wher woes. Not even a safe haven with her “daddy”

What about the women who go back to their abusers saying “leave it to GOD.” Woman, what are you leaving to GOD? Your death sentence? I am literally shaking my head.

I remember being in a relationship, the minute the guy showed some insecurity about my independence I kissed it good bye. One insecurity may just turn into control and according to my fellow Nigerians “na clap e dey take enter dance.” (Meaning everything has a beginning). I have always said, “by GOD’S Grace I shall not trade my safety, sanity, and dignity for an abusive relationship no matter the benefits. Not even money or good sex should keep a woman in an abusive relationship. Is it worth it really? He beats you, then he sleeps with you or showers you with money and gifts and you love this sex or money so much that you begin to tell yourself “he loves me.”I can’t even begin to imagine.

I was watching a christian movie recently and the woman was being abused by her chorister husband. She was being seriously battered and all she did was kneel and asked GOD “speak to me, what do I do?” I know it’s a movie, but really? Is it rocket science? At that point I turned the movie off.

I have a growing child and for her sake, and I never want to be in a bad relationship. Children are like sponges and become what they know.

You cannot live for better or for worse and have your face being plunged in on a daily basis. If you really desire to pray for your abuser, you can do that in a different location from his or her’s. Yes yes yes, women can also be abusers too. I see your face with a question asking, really? Yes, really. I have seen women verbally abuse their men. Even if some may not put their hands on their men, they would tear these men down with their mouths and mentally or emotionally beat these men down.

Women! We have really sharper than razor blade tongues. Our tongues can be compared to a doubled edged sword.

I used to be abused. I got so cold hearted from the experience and I started fighting back. He would threaten with a knife but I was not moved. I realized that not only was I playing with/ risking my life, I was becoming cold hearted. So one day, I moved my pregnant self out of the house.

Be you a man or woman being abused,  please have some value for your life and flee your abuser. Call on the authorities. Protect yourself and your children.

Love does not hurt!

Written by Nma Jewel

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  1. I am a victim…27years old 9months marriage with a 4months old baby… My husband turned me to a shadow of my self… I don’t even know who I am anymore… I took the courage to end it all on Saturday… I hope I ll get out of dis trauma… I need help….

  2. I think it’s archaic to say no matter what, stay in your marriage at least for d kids.. is it until u die you’d know your life is far more precious? What happens to those kids when u die?The day my now ex boyfriend out of anger aggressively hit me with a pillow, that was d day i run for my life because pillow today can turn to hammer tomorrow

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