The Ex Factor - elsieisy blog

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“Mmmm… mmm… mmmm”

The hell sent sound kept on piercing the quietness of my bedroom, right through my sleep. It was like it got louder the more I tried to turn deaf ears and pretend I wasn’t hearing anything. But what I didn’t know was who the culprit was, between my crazy digital alarm clock and my S4.

Like a thief, I opened an eye.

Still lying down, I snatched my phone, realized it was the guilty one, picked up the call without at least a glance at the screen to know who the caller was.

“Hello?” I grumbled.

“Hi, whatsup?”

I jerked off the bed like I was just bitten by 17 soldier ants, hurled my cover cloth aside and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Errmm… What… H… How are you?”

“I’m ok. You were sleeping right? Sorry to have disturbed you but I need to see you”

“Oh… errmm… ok” still trying to gather my awakened self together. “When?”

“I’ve sent a text already. I called cos you weren’t replying. Take care yea? Bye”

“When t…” the line went dead before the sentence summed up. I stared into thin air for a minute, I was passing through one of those deja vu moments when one wakes up from a rather questionable sleep and has no idea what time or day exactly it is. Slowly, I rolled my eyes over to the innocent clock, sitting like a bird on a branch on my bedside stool.

“WHAT?!” I exclaimed as I saw 7:39 PM.

That was when it dawned on me I had been out for like three hours or there about. I still had my shirt and socks on. My pants and tie, lying helplessly some six seven steps away- I did fling them. It was a really stressful day at the office.

Realizing I still had my phone in my hand, I read the text and 3 seconds later, I was almost done having a shower.

“What exactly does she want to see me for? Something doesn’t sound right about this” I kept racking and guessing. I can be a psychic guesser but not with her. It’s always like she was immune to my powers. No matter how hard I try, her rabbit is always coming out of my wrong hat.


Twenty minutes later, I was sitting in the corner of this same pub. The last time I was here was three years ago and I couldn’t just help but notice the changes that had taken place. The place looked nicer, a more defined interior design but the memories were the same. I had my phone-in-hand, browsing for nothing really, just an antidote to nervousness and one of my very good time wasting tactics. Suddenly, the air around me smelt different and even in my sleep, I could recognize the scent. The hairs on the back of my neck stood to the alert signal being sent through my nervous system. “SHE’S HERE!”

… I still had my line of sight fixed to my phone…

“Hi dear, hope I didn’t keep you waiting for long” She said with that same cherubim like voice.

Slowly, I set my sight on the black D&G shoe beside the table (D&G was always her favorite) I continued to the tip of the sky blue Burberry gown, kept going up, through the flat tommy way, stopped for at least ten seconds at the cleavage bus stop, I imaginarily spanked myself on the head to keep going and made a destination for the most beautiful face I’ve ever seen. I was welcomed with a smile.

“Can I sit or you still want to feast your eyes another man’s woman?”

“Oh! I’m… I’m sorry… of course you can sit”

Having Titi sit directly opposite me in this same pub, at this same corner was like a key to the flood gate of memories. They rushed in so hard, I nearly puked some. Nobody spoke.

 “How are you?” She said looking at me, straight in the eye

“Well, I’m trying. At least that’s what we can do now” I replied trying to and not to smile at the same time.

“Oh! C’mon… Look at you. Tell that to anybody but not me. I know you’re doing fine”

I smiled like a little girl who has just gotten her fantasy ice cream.

“So huh… You said you wanted to see me” I said, shouldering the responsibility of starting a conversation.

“Yes uhmm… It’s about Dave. I don’t know but my instincts tells me he’s seeing someone”

“Yea right. Women and insecurities?” I thought. Having your ex talk about her man, who happens to be your friend is just what I need for a cool evening I guess.

“And why will you even think that?” I asked, trying to look as surprised as possible

“I’m not all that sure but when a man is hiding something, as a woman, you’ll know. And I’m asking you cos he’s your friend and he told me you both were together the other day. So maybe he has hinted you about it or something”

Our drinks were served.

“Wow! You ordered this?… You never forget something. Do you?”

“I do forget things almost like everyone else but your favorite drink? Not easily forgotten”

She was trying not to blush, which even made it more obvious. I was a bit feeling like the heroic psychic once again.

As we began to drink, a memory of one night flashed through my head. Titi had just won a promo I kind of forced her to play. I can’t remember which company’s it was now. 80k checked in and she was just so over excited that at the end of the day, I had to carry her all the way home. Funny old days and only by a whisker was I not caught by my mum, smuggling a human body into my room through the back door. I could even have been mistaken for all these rampant kidnappers or rapists.

 I smiled to myself.

“You know, I think you should just take it easy with yourself and Dave and lower your radar of suspicion. The things about females are: You ask questions you really don’t want answers to. You search for what you really wouldn’t want to find and you research on topics that you are emotionally incapable of making a dissertation about”

“There goes our love doctor again. What are these research topics? If I may ask sir”

“To the best of my knowledge, your boyfriend is not cheating on you. Okay?”

“I’m asking you cos there’s this particular phone call he makes that scrambles his voice into a whisper whenever I’m there. Dave speaks loudly on phone and I even complain about the loudness but this, this just toys with the red button in my head”

“I’ll be on the lookout for you then. But to be honest from my corner, Dave is not cheating on you”

“Ok then. Thanks for being honest instead of some friend’s cover up bullshit. So how have you been? And when are you introducing us to the chosen one?”

I shifted the questions and conversations away from the memory lane we going to end up if we continued this present conversation. We talked about our jobs, a little bit of sport (cos she likes sports more than any average girl. Most especially football and tennis) Arsenal, Novack Djokovic and Serena Williams and ended up with listening to each other’s plans for the next three or four years. I was surprised we still did that cos back then we did that a lot and it was all so funny since little of the plans were actually achieved. It was one thing I always liked about Titi though- Foresight.

“Are u kidding me?” I exclaimed looking at my watch. “10:50. Damn!”

“You got someone coming over?” She asked with the most mischievous voice ever.

“What?!… No!… Of course not!… Why would you even ask that?”

“Well, because tomorrow is Saturday. Why else”

“I didn’t drive here. I took a cab and with recent news, I fear cab men when it’s close to midnight. Now you get. Right?”

“Oh please!… What then should ladies do?”… She laughed as I just stared at her breasts, motioning to the swing of her hands in relation to every word. “I’m just kidding though. Are u annoyed or whatsup with the face?”

I shook my head almost unnoticeably.

“Alright you know what, I’ll drop you off at home and find my way home from there. Yea, yea. Save your ‘I can find my way’ crap. Grab you stuffs and let’s move”

I had my reasons for wanting to protest the offer though but Titi wasn’t easily unconvinced when her mind was made up… something I admired and will always admire about her.

I paid for the drinks and we both slowly made our way out of the bar while a thousand thoughts were rioting through my mind.

We made for her grey coloured Toyota Camry and just as I opened the passenger seat, she hopped in murmuring something that sound like “Thank you”.

I sighed and as I slowly rounded the car, I felt her gaze fixed on me till I got to the driver’s side. She handed over the keys and her hands brushing against mine for the first time in God knows how many years, made me shiver a bit.

The car jerked to life and I hope to God that this particular stupid thought that has found a front row in the thoughts arrangements of my mind will not come to action.

I sat there grabbing the steering with both hands, looking straight ahead like I was already doing over 120kmh.

Something I don’t know and never bothered to check toyed with some strands of hair behind my neck.

From the corner of my eyes I could see her staring at me…. She was about to say something.

“Lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil” I thought to myself

I screeched the car out of the drive way and in no time, we were both heading straight to my place.

Mature Minds Talk.

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  1. Titi should not even complain again if at all she falls into that temptation. Relationships and their problems sha….. The ex will just come from nowhere and scatter everything.

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