If we could maintain the effort (initial gra gra) we put into any form of relationship we start, be it with a friend, neighbors, boyfy/girlfy, then maintaining relationships shouldn’t be too difficult as long as there is no asshole involved.
I believe in the golden rule and I live by it. I treat people exactly the way I want to be treated and it really doesn’t change overtime, except I get a vibe which triggers the change. Even though I have come to realize that we are not all the same therefore, people can’t fully treat me exactly the way I treat them.
There is this thin line between ‘you are now family’ and ‘I don’t value your presence anymore’ when people (friends) come visiting. And it’s even worse when I (assuming the old friend position) am sitted in this same house and watch you give some new friend a form of preferential treatment because they are new.
I don’t know, you might think I am being paranoid, however, I am sure am not the only one with this feeling. There are too many factors which affects our friendship that can be talked about but we have left to be abstract.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s really cute to hear a friend say ‘you are no longer a guest, please feel free’ but like I said, there is a thin line.
Jane had a friendship kinda relationship with her neighbor (Julia), they got really close, talked about stuffs and made plans together. You know how we all get to move at some point when we live in a rented apartment? Jane’s neighbor moved and she had to go visit. Being the first day at her ‘used to be’ neighbor’s new house, Julia’s husband asked Julia to get her friend a drink and she went, ‘oh for what?! She’s not a guest please.’
Julia’s husband went on to say, ‘oh no, I know she’s not guest but this is her first visit to our new house and it’s necessary’
Well, Julia’s husband’s talk fell on deaf ears and the drink wasn’t gotten. In Jane’s mind, she thought, ‘oh, I think I am no longer worth even a bottle of coke in this house anymore. I think I came too early for a first visit and I would make sure it takes a considerable space before stepping my foot into this house again’
Jane never got to say how she felt and this is how relationships get the cracks and starts breaking. You might think it’s just a bottle of drink, but we are humans. We love being appreciated hence why mediocrity thrives in this part of the world. Once we feel that appreciation is going, the body system reacts to it consciously or unconsciously. Especially for those who doesn’t want to feel they disturbing you or their presence are no longer needed.
All I am saying is, treat people no different from the initial stage. He/she likes you because you pay certain kind of attention to a specific detail and then suddenly you stop. The trigger dead. It doesn’t work that way and I think we should learn to be very open in talking about these things so we can atleast have a long lasting friendship. Our parents can boast of 20 – 30 years of good friendship but how many of us can even boast of 5years and counting?
No one wants to be taken for granted. No one!