As I read this mail this morning, I was going to let it be till next #AskElsie segment to share my opinion but I remembered Dear Elsians (Dear Elsians is a segment on elsieisy.com where people like you and I send in things that bother us and we get to share our opinion in order to help one of us). As you read this please remember this lady awaits your opinion. Endeavor to share your thought in the comment section of this post (anonymously or not). Read below:
I am ****, 26yrs old from Cross River state Calabar. I need expert advice regarding a personal matter.I have been friends with this guy ( Doctor) but we weren’t close buddies though ,we do have a lot of mutual friends hence we get to sit on d same table often(drinking & smoking )… so I’ll say we were acquaintances but then he seemed more interested in me than usual, we finally exchanged numbers and we got talking one on one now. .. I must confess I have been attracted to him but not enough to fantasize (LOL )I do admire his personality.
Now, Here is the problem; b4 we had ourselves a date (officially ). ..away from our mutual friends ,we had crossed the line or i crossed the line and I let him have sex with me ,this happened the day we exchanged numbers and he offered to drop me home …i didn’t think it was a big deal because any of them (our friends )can drop me if i cant reach my cab…I had mentioned having brandy at home passively while we were out with friends . He said he would like to have some …i agreed and he parked the car and came into my house…. well one thing led to another. .. from random innocent conversations to steamy tensed atmosphere .i must say i didnt know when i kissed him (i hadn’t had sex in a while tho) and he didn’t see it coming… well being a guy he took over and the rest is history,I did have the best sex ever (for real) he made me cum like a fool(multiple orgasms. .. I still shudder and feel those signature spasms down my spine)… we were just so compatible sexually..now i am feeling like a total SLUT who has blown her chance at something great coz am worried he may just conclude i am very cheap but he is the only one i have slept with amongst our friends but it happened too soon… but he hasn’t changed towards me though… he got me a present 3 days ago (surprise gift ) it seemed awkward initially but I am telling myself he genuinely cares but what if he’s only about the ass??! We agreed to stay great friends though and neither of us is in any relationship. .
I want him just for myself so bad but I don’t know if there’s a chance and I don’t want to look lyk am desperate or trying to cage him so I decided friends is cool but this time am keeping my legs closed!
What do you say?Yours sincerely ,****
Quite interesting…Your story does not tell us if this Doctor friend of yours is in a relationship with someone. We are also not told if he has asked about your own relationship. The whole story tells me you have been having just casual conversations and nothing tending towards relationships. He my just be infatuated, and since it was a ‘bit’ easy to start with sex…you just may have zoned yourself and it becomes hard to cross the line towards relationship. It’s not all doom and gloom for you though. Here is what I’d say; if you are feeling him and you think he is feeling you, engage him in mature discussions. Get to know him for real – who he is, what he holds dear, what he aspires to become, what he thinks about women, wife and motherhood, etc – and be open to letting him see through you. You just might be two lost love souls who met on the crossroad leading to different sweet avenues of romantic fulfillment. In a nutshell, even though sex is not the best way to have kicked off your romantic journey, but you still have a big chance…go for it girl.
We all have urges and the attraction seems mutual to me – Sexually and otherwise. I doubt he’ll see you as a slut especially if he’s the first of the circle of friends to have you. Then concerning the issue of having him to yourself, it can go many ways depending on his personality : If he’s adventurous and truly likes you, he’ll pop the question but if he is adventurous and doesn’t pop the question, he’s not ready – stay off having him to yourself for now. If he’s reserved or cautious, then you have an upper hand to an extent – u can throw hints and based on the outcome, you should be able to discern if he is ready or not. FINALLY concerning ur legs… dt one I won’t comment on o! it’s a matter of how u feel and what you need. Wish u the best.
What can I say? These things can play out in many different ways – but I would suggest you ask him why he got you a gift.Or is it something that has happened before? Find out his why and start from there. You had sex. It may mean something. It might mean nothing. And it could be everything. One thing I’m certain about; you won’t find out by being afraid. Consider however – if he wanted something more he probably would have asked.Just saying.
I wonder when things like this will start happening to me sha?Well my dearest dear, it is not a criminal offense for you to like him the way you do, but it is criminal if you don’t let him know or try too much to let him know. You are friends already, close enough to hit the pie already so you should be able to talk to him about just anything especially when there’s brandy in the mix.First thing you need to be sure of is that he’s not dating. Don’t assume so you don’t put your hopes too high. He gave you a gift right, tell him how much you like the surprise even if you don’t like the gift, let him feel good about it, because I’m sure he’s trying to strike a balance so it doesn’t appear like a smash and flee situation. Next is for you to expect a yes and prepare yourself for a no, expect anything and be sure he won’t flee. If you are still friends and the tone hasn’t changed after, as long as you are not acting rabid about it, things should stay cool either way. What you do with your legs is not important to a guy, what you do with your body language and brain is however important. A guy is first attracted by the body and kept by the brain and when I say body I don’t mean flirting. Find out who he is and engage in that manner, don’t even dare be possessive like it already sounds to be.If he truly likes you, he will come around and be sure of this, your mutual friends will be in the movie too so quit the idea of wanting him only to your self, be ready to share him with friends. Once they know you are together, I assume they will keep their legs closed and you’ll decided whether you keep yours open or closed.
For me there is no issue here. what i want to understand is her fear. the said guy, is he in a relationship that she is aware of? because i want to know why “i want him just for myself” is all about. And if he is in a relationship that she is aware of, she had better kill that thought otherwise she would just be chasing shadow, and appreciate his friendly gesture of his gift. But if he isn’t in a relationship, she can still play cool with strong charisma, give him the tell signs but not sex, so he will know and then he can make the moves of ensuing a relationship between them.
Lmao! Sorry but the thing is I just had to laugh. Now you are having a problem very common amongst Ladies nowdays…you like a guy then the sex comes and the said “likeness” becomes something else… You have to sort out your feelings and know if it’s the sex you really want him for or something more. As you said you both aren’t in a relationship and are matured enough to handle one. Make your feelings known to him and let him decide if he’s up for it or not….if its gonna be an FWB things..decide..if its marriages-headed relationship. It’s a straight forward thing…the fact tjat he is still all cool after the sex doesn’t mean he is serious..he might just stay put for thw sex and all….just saying….clear your head,missy.
Interesting, it’s obvious the guy wanted something that’s why he asked to come in for brandy even after you guys had been out drinking. Personally I don’t consider a woman who gives out sex to me early as a slut, I actually respect the maturity provided it was based on a mutual need we both felt ATM. You summarized the story but I understand that the aura and conversation brought you both to the sex…which means you both have an attraction u couldn’t or didn’t discover earlier on while in your group sit outs. Him giving you a gift like BabaOlowo said could be him trying to make u remove the feeling u might get that u came cheap and its a fling and this could be for one of two reasons. 1. He genuinely wants you 2. He wants u not to feel bad about yourself so you don’t stop giving him ass. I think you should focus more on keeping yourself interesting and attractive to him. With your description of the sex I doubt you can keep away from more of it with him. Just try to not base the enjoyment of your acquaintance with him on sex. Try to go out and do other stuff, create other experiences with him and see how your non sex life goes because I don’t know if u nursed these feelings when he was naught but an ordinary friend. If outside the sheets you guys can enjoy a healthy relationship then you have something going… If not….bail unless you’re cool with settling for being a bootycall. He’s a man… He should state his intentions. If he doesn’t ..make him… there’s no time to waste time on undefined or age consuming relationships.
Please and please ..never jump into conclusions with dis guy
Sex on first day, second day, first month, or one year later. Man that will stay will stay. And if his reasoning is that girls that choose to have sex when they want are sluts…do you even want to date such a man?