Our darling wife


I have begun to warm up to the idea of becoming a wife. Biko, do not ask me why. In fact ask. Then, open your bible (or your neighbor’s own) and check Ecclesiastes 3:1 and nod, whether or not you understand. My friend, that is your answer right there, staring you in the face.

Ehen. So with my interests came a sudden enthusiasm towards research. Family related magazines, married people’s conversations, that kinda thing. Then one day, my amebo led me somewhere.

I have heard men talk about how important it is for their wives to major in kitchen affairs because they don’t play with their bellies. On this particular case, however, Mr. Single-dude-seeking-a-she was a lot more passionate about the matter, as he bragged on about breaking up with his ex because she cannot cook, no, because her inability to cook rendered her insufficient wife material.

I’m inspired. I’ll be off to Gbagi market to find that material and buy. That’s how inspired I am.

So I was wondering, were people born with an innate ability to cook? If not, then how come we’ve elevated cooking to this really high pedestal, over several other amazing qualities a wife can have?

Yes, I expect disagreement from the powers that be, but this one is my space, mbok, let me bare my mind.

The day I learnt how to make amala, I was in SS1. I had made a mess of the whole thing, so I was led by my guilty conscience to pour it away before my mother discovered. As a kid, I had this alarming fear for failure, I couldn’t afford to be caught.

Alas, mummy caught me o! Black-handed if I may say so. But instead of her throwing a tantrum about how my mates in other parts of the world were already having children or how I was wasting food that could have been useful in Somalia, she laughed and SHOWED me how it was done. Simple!

Subsequently, she allowed me do it. And then in no time, I was making amala all over the place. That was ten years ago.

You think cooking will just descend on somebody like snow? Just like learning to cater for babies, learning to speak French, learning to enter LASTMA wahala when driving from the mainland to the island, cooking can be learnt. If the babe is all that you’ve been winking at God for, yet she doesn’t know how to cook, shall you now discard her like spoilt mango, oh manest? Dost thou lackest enough influence over your woman to help her learn the things she needs to know? Art thou…?Okay, let me not talk nonsense.

I think it’s wise, though, to move cooking from the top of your priority list, and concentrate on more important things like how teachable the babe is, how meek, how innovative, how kind, smart, interesting to be with or how she handles money. I have heard of women who can cook up a storm and nag up a hurricane in their matrimonial homes. There are very sexy witches that will take all the good things from a man’s life but offer him great sex. My brother, shall we not seek berra things?

Food for the belly, belly for food, all of them go still destroy last last.

Peace o!

Written by - Ife Olujuyigbe
Written by – Ife Olujuyigbe

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  1. Very hilarious something. Men make one mistake, they define a wife by what she can do and not who she is…they are very different things.

  2. So in essence if my wife-to-be is teachable but she cannot prepare eba and efo riro. She’s still wife material. Tufiakwa. This time I disagree with u ife, this is Africa, infact this is Yoruba land. Aani so wipe aye di aye olaju ka maa fi oju egbo te ile.

    1. Alasheyoury, if she’s teachable, why can’t she be taught how to make it? It’s this same this-is-Africa mentality that has put us where we are.

  3. They will come and say “tufiakwa”, this is African. Then they will not teach her and they will also not know how to cook oook.We humans, especially Nigerians place a certain kind of compulsion on some things.I rest my case sha.If she can’t cook, teach her.If you can’t cook, both of you should learn.It wasn’t stipulated anywhere that cooking is a woman’s right.

  4. I agree with Ife absolutely. No one ability or skill define a good wife. If great cooking skill is only what it takes then we all should just pick a wife from any of the graduates of catering academies or look for a mama put daughter amed marry. When you see a lady you want to marry, focus on that quality or those things you like about her and grow up and grow fond of her as she learn other qualities you would like. Thank you Ifeoluwa.

  5. Really over interesting piece. So true to the core, some people will argue but Na them sabi. Pls continue to sharing this kind piece abeg.

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