#Blogfest 2:0, Day 13 – #30dayscountdownto2016
I sat at the far end of the room watching Sharon cry her eyes and heart out. I want to help her but how? I am here watching her helplessly. I know the pains she going through but I don’t really know the pain cause you never know how painful it is till you feel same pain, so it’s said.
Sharon has been at it crying for hours and her eyes are now showing the aftermath, losing a loved one is really painful and losing your only parent you have come to know and love is devastating. It’s like a nightmare that keeps haunting you.
Sharon lost her father in a car accident and her mother at birth that’s one similarities between both of us besides the fact that we love each other. I don’t know my father, because he left without a word and never came back. It’s just me, my mom and Sharon.
It’s said that when you are grieved or suffered a catastrophic loss, you pass through five distinctive stages:
– Denial– Anger– Depression– Bargaining– Acceptance
Sharon is still in the first stage; Denial, my mom told me after she broke the news to me that it’s going to take a long time for Sharon to heal, to get over it, to be her usual self. Chances are she may never be the same again, When you love someone dearly and they transmit into the other world you lose a part of yourself. A part of you die with your loved one, and you never regain it.
I remember the first time I saw Sharon Wendy Reed, my mother had sent me on an errand and I bluntly refused because of the heavy down pour but she forced me out. As I made my way in the rain, clinching to my umbrella threatening to be blown away by the wind, I saw a figure from the corner of my eye delighted in the rain. The first thought that crossed my mind was ‘seriously?! In this water torrent, called rain pouring without mercy, someone is delighted and playing in it, are you for real?’ Right there the scarf used in covering the figure was removed slowly…….
I stood awe struck, stunned, stupefied, speechless, no words to describe what I felt but I knew that figure which is Sharon Wendy Reed is the most beautiful girl I have ever set my eyes on besides my mom.
Love at first sight, I never believed in it. I always thought of it as a myth, but that day I knew it was no myth, that day I knew I had found love. That day something was taken away and replaced with `LOVE` and you just know it’s love cause it’s like no other feeling.
Seeing her in the rain so care free, delighted and happy I fell head-over-heels in love with her. And I made a promise to always love her and to wife her no matter what.
Seconds, Minutes, Hours, Weeks and Months Later, I hope Sharon still knows that am here. She haven’t talked to anyone in a long time, it’s just yes or no to anything and everything you speak to her about.
I don’t know if she still angry, depressed or bargaining or have accepted. Isolating oneself is pretty hard to know what’s going on.
“Josh, will you go on a walk with me?”
“Uh?! Sure” I muttered
Sharon and I walked for hours, with no particular destination. We talked and laughed, Sharon laughed something she haven’t done in forever.
“I missed that, I missed your smile”
“I haven’t smiled in a while, lots have been happening. My dad passing away have been… I don’t know how to move on, I don’t know what am doing. I am just here taking one step at a time, one day at a time”
“It’s going to be alright, I promise”
“I hope so”
“Sharon, are you sure you are ready to work? It’s just six months. You can still hold on till you are sure”
“I know you are worried but I’ll be fine” Sharon assured Mrs. Grant, Josh’s mom.
“Ok, but you have to take it slow.”
“No problem Ma’am” Sharon said smiling. I stood there watching cause I thought Sharon working would be good as it would take her mind off her dead father but then I was wrong.
Working was a bad idea, because I wasn’t sure if it was the second stage of grief; Anger or the third stage Depression that she was in, because she got mad at everyone and anyone, I certainly didn’t escape her wrath. I didn’t know what I did or didn’t do, I could even see Sharon without her lashing out on me.
My mom told me to be patient with her, but the day seemed longer and the night shorter. I prayed this stage or whatever it is should end but we don’t always get our wish.
Things became unbearable when my notorious flirting cousin came visiting. He had his eyes set on Sharon, the more I fought for Sharon, the farther away she slipped. I was losing her pretty fast and to my flirting cousin Duke! It drove me insane. I tried making her realize that her new found ‘Interest’ in Duke wasn’t real and that he’s a flirt but that earned me first position on her hate list.
She didn’t bother about me because somehow Duke found it easy to blame me, make me look like the bad guy before Sharon. It really hurt me knowing my future with Sharon is fading, I’d swore to marry Sharon but not all wishes are fulfilled.
Work become hectic, I didn’t have time to myself but Sharon wouldn’t hear none of it. She saw it as a way of me flirting, Duke didn’t help in this area at all because thanks to him I was the flirt not him.
Sharon’s anger and hatred towards me became stronger than her love for me. I didn’t know someone could hate so much. The slightest sight of me pissed her off, I didn’t know what I did that triggered so much hate.
I had to leave, it hurts to love but hurts even more when not loved in return. My mom saw it as cowardice because I decided to leave and handle our business abroad but it was the right thing to do.
Sometimes you have to run away from a fight, not because you’re weak but because you know better. I am not running away, ok maybe am running away. Its hurts to see the one you love, love someone else. I don’t stand a chance anymore, she made her choice. She chose Duke.
Five years, Seven months, twenty-six days, eighteen hours, forty minutes, twelve seconds later, am standing face to face, toe to toe with Sharon Wendy Reed.
I spent all those time telling myself I did nothing wrong, telling myself I would fight for Sharon to be mine again, telling myself I’m insanely in love with Sharon Wendy Reed.
I just came into the country and my mom who knows how miserable I have been asked Sharon to be in the house when I came home, I was over-joyed when mom told me but seeing Sharon Reed I realize…
“Josh, I’ve missed you so much” Sharon said calmly hugging me, interrupting my thoughts.
“Missed you too” I replied hugging her
“You didn’t tell me you were leaving…” Sharon started her water torrent “I’m sorry… so sorry…mom told me everything…I tried finding you but…I’m sorry please forgive me…I still love you Josh, am still in love with you and always will…”
I’ve always dreamt of this moment, I had envisioned it as our grand reunion but something doesn’t feel right. I am not excited or sad, I am not angry about what Sharon did to me. Right now staring into her big gorgeous eyes, I realized I spent Five years, Seven months, twenty-six days, eighteen hours, forty minutes, twelve seconds lying to myself…
Sharon is kissing me, OMG!!! I have dreamt of this day, this moment…But I can’t bring myself to kiss her back. She broke the kiss and she stared at me which I know why makes me feel guilty. I can’t do this to Sharon Reed, I am so not ready for this.
“Josh, I kissed you but you didn’t kiss me back. Is it too much, did I rush you? Are you still mad at me? Am really sorry….”
Sharon cut off her statement, when she has an inquisitive look, it usually means….well I don’t know about now but back then it meant she knew something you ain’t telling her.
People change and am sure Sharon changed in my absence so I don’t know what her look means right now.
“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked uneasily.
“Are you in love with someone else?”
Mom, Duke and a few friends finally came home. At last I had some space to breathe, I wasn’t expecting that dialogue with Sharon. Honestly I don’t know what to expect. I tried avoiding eye contact with Sharon, I don’t know what she’s up to but she’s looking at me like I’m a book she’s reading trying to understand. At least that didn’t change about her.
“Mom, I am not spending my intended two months or staying longer. There’s lots of work back there and things changed. I wasn’t expecting what’s happening, I’m leaving in a few days”
Mom sat quiet, she wasn’t expecting me to leave soon. It’s just a month and she was looking forward to spending time with me. I observe her body movement and it isn’t hard to detect, she obviously sad am leaving again.
“Is it because of Sharon you’re leaving? Because you can’t work it out? Are you running away again? What happening to making Sharon your wife? Is it Duke? Is he still a threat? I told you they broke up. Then why leave?” Mom bombarded me with questions, honestly I don’t know how to start answering them.
“I left before because of Sharon but now I’m leaving because I now realize that I don’t have a life and place here. My life is over here and even though I’ll always have a place here, I don’t really have a place here. Duke or Sharon are not the reason am leaving, they will always be here for you mom.” I replied gently squeezing mom’s hands.
“Are you happy over there? Can you really move on?”
“I kinda did that already and I am here for closure and to finally move on, even though I have no idea how to”
“You’ll always be my son Josh, whether you get back together with Sharon or not. If you’re happy there then you can leave because I always want to see you happy. And I love you son”
“I never stopped loving you mom” I said smiling
Mom is out of the equation and that leaves Sharon and Duke. I haven’t seen much of Duke since I came, maybe he’s feeling guilty. Well, I’m set to leave but I’ve to say goodbye first.
WOW! I’m really wondering who’s this new guy called Josh. I never planned any of it or rather everything I planned vanished at the sight of Sharon. I don’t know how I am doing it but am glad am doing it.
Duke finally pick up his responsibility and he’s working, I’m surprised though happy. I don’t want to leave things like this with Duke before leaving, I went to his office cafeteria to wait for Duke.
“Hey Duke over here” I called out to Duke on seeing him.
“Good to see you”
“Come on Josh, drop the act. I know you came for revenge. So get on with it, you’ve been making me wait which alone is slow death.”
“I wanted revenge on you badly for taking Sharon away from me then it hit me. You were the better man, you were bold, you fought for her even though you wanted her to be in your ‘Scored’ list, you made me look like the bad guy. Sharon was wrong about you. You’re not half the man I am, I’m half the man you are. You were the better man and you proved that several times, even though you hurt Sharon when she found out the real you. I knew you felt bad because you realized two things” I paused to make every word have said sink deep into him. “You realize that Sharon was everything I said she was and secondly you’re in love with Sharon. The better man always win, you’re the better man. Sure I was angry, jealous, devastated… But it’s in the past. We’re family and always will be, you don’t always get second chances in love. But when you get one make good use of it, I’m leaving take care of Sharon. I know you’ll make her happy, have seen it while you were flirting with her but now that you’re in love, you’ll make her extremely happy. Take care of yourself and my mom.” I said, then waited for response from Duke but he seemed surprised. I got up to leave when he spoke.
“Thanks Josh, and hope you find another Sharon Wendy Reed” I shrug my shoulders before replying.
“Maybe, someday” with that I left.
Living with Sharon under one roof since her dad died would have made my ‘Love interest’ in Sharon easier and one-heck-of-an-experience but it wasn’t that why when Sharon became cold towards me I’d to escape, I had to leave.
I left a note earlier for Sharon on her room door, hopefully she will meet up with me. This place holds lots of memories for me, Sharon and I always played here as kids, it eventually become our second home, our world outside the universe but now a diner. I promised her I would build a diner for her, the last reason why I came home is to give her the diner officially. And now that am leaving I want to leave her in her very own world and diner.
“Good you could make it”
“Mom told me you’re leaving, why did you pick this place to meet up? I thought you’ve forgotten about our world outside the universe. Someone had fulfilled my dream of building a diner here. At least I can come eat here even if I don’t own it” I took a deep breath before talking.
“I haven’t really talked to you since I came and you didn’t seem to make a move either. If you were to choose between Duke and I, I know you would chose me. But am asking you to choose Duke, he did one thing wrong but for all the things he did right stay with him. A lady cannot change a man because she loves him, a man changes to be the best he can be because he loves a lady, Duke has changed himself for you Sharon. I’m leaving and am not coming back, maybe in the future if mom asks me to, I might return. I want to be happy, you know your eyes gets really big when your eyes are doing water works” I said smiling, Sharon chuckled realizing her water torrents flowing, she wipe it off. Hopefully, I am doing the right thing.
“Always smile Sharon Wendy Reed, you know you are the most beautiful lady besides my mom on earth. I don’t know how I did it but am no longer in love with you Sharon. I love you Sharon Wendy Reed as a friend. My best friend and nothing else, I realize it when I saw you after Five years, Seven months, twenty-six days, eighteen hours, forty minutes, twelve seconds later, I counted.”
Sharon smiled but her tears flowed, yet she’s calm.
“When I left, I realized so much about life, myself and things out there. I really surprised myself saying all these, I didn’t plan any of it. It happen because it’s the truth and have been lying to myself for a long time…This is goodbye Sharon, I’ll always be around when you need me and-” pointing to the diner I gave her the keys to the diner “this is your diner, I had promised to build for you. You’ve to give it a name though…this is it Sharon” I sighed in relief. I’m really out-doing myself.
“Hope someday you can forgive me for hurting and pushing you away. You were the only friend I had, you stood by me till…I changed and treated you badly. I understand you had to leave then, why are you leaving now?” Sharon asked wiping her tears.
“I started life all over there, I somehow lived and move on. My place is there and I am pretty content. Moreover there are lots of work to keep me busy”
“Will I ever see you again?”
“You know the answer to that question” with that I hugged Sharon for the last time and kissed her before whispering in her ears.
“Duke is waiting for you, go get him first close your eyes” Sharon closed her eyes. I looked at her briefly before speaking.
“I told you that if I’d to leave, you wouldn’t see me leave. Right now you won’t see me leave but I have to. I love you Sharon Reed and always will.” Sharon cried silently this time I didn’t stop her, I let her cry. One last look at Sharon then I left.
Written by Gere Ochuko, She blogs at Amazing Legacy’s Blog
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