A Letter #ToMyYoungerSelf

I am up early and its 5am. Not sure if this is because I told myself I am going to write a letter to you this morning but it feels good to do this early before setting out to the gym.

You are 13…You are so beautiful, yet fragile. Mummy knows this and she protects you dearly. She listens to you, she understands you. When people think you are withdrawn and boring, she smiles and says, “that’s my daughter, she’s fine, trust me.”

You will have the best conversations of your life with mom. She will share details of her life with you. Details regular people will find too explicit to share with their children. But for some reasons, she chooses you from the 3 & she will share without holding back.

You two will be called besties…Forget about her seeming harshness for now. In the next one year, she will be your best buddy…Your confidant. You two will have conversations that will shape your life forever. She will guide your path without even knowing it. She will love and protect you jealously.

But guess what baby? She will leave. She will leave because nature says she has to. People will tell you she has gone to be with God. Prophecies will roll in, you will cry nonstop for two days. You would ask yourself what life will be without her. But guess what? You will keep living and growing with that huge vacuum in your life… (At least for the next 10 – 11 years).

Because you are strong inside, not the fragile petite looking girl, you will have to grow up so fast, take up responsibilities meant for adults. Cater to your siblings, try to make people around you happy. The weight will rest on your shoulder because you felt the world earlier. But please slow down. Slow down for us baby. Have fun or you will wake up one day to realize you have not done so many things (good, bad, nasty) people in your age bracket have done.

Your experience will be so vast yet so limited. Please don’t grow up too fast. I’m begging. Enjoy every single day. Go out, mingle with people. Nobody is worth sacrificing your life for. Take opportunities as they come and don’t pause your life to raise anyone.

However, I must tell you. People won’t like you. The world won’t like you. The world will love the idea of you, but not you. You are a symbol of truth, love, sincerity and bluntness – These things the world no longer appreciate.

But don’t change. Not for anyone. Because who you are gives you joy. That’s the reason you will have some level of inner peace in the midst of storm that even you cannot explain. You are simply calm for no reason.

Dear younger me, also mind what you read, the people you talk to and how you let their words get in. Everyone has an opinion over everything. But you are the one wearing the shoe. Please be your own inspiration. Let the zeal to be the better version of who you were yesterday, be your ultimate drive. Learn to inspire yourself. Everyone else is busy. Do not have expectations…not even from family.

Nobody owes you anything; you will be disappointed too many times before you come to terms with this. The earlier you do, the better for you and I.

You will cry baby. Oh I say you will cry. You will cry because you will feel so alone, you will miss your mom. You will cry daily, for months. Nobody will know this, because you won’t let them. Your smile is beautiful, your eyes obey your smile. So you will cry heavy this minute and smile hard when you step out the door…because you hate being pitied. The cry will reduce though…from daily, to weekly then monthly, to quarterly until you don’t know when it decides to build up. But whenever it does, just cry! I found out it relieves us and helps us think clearly so just let it

Never follow the crowd. The crowd wants it easy, so they follow the tested path. But you are not a follower, you are a leader. You must carve your path, carve your niche, embrace your flaws and choose happiness.

Don’t do anything because people are doing it. Do it because you want to, at your own time and pace. Think things through to avoid regrets.

Oh baby girl, you must know that you are not in competition with anyone. Nobody. You are blessed, a child of Grace walking in God’s promises. You are beautiful and unique. You are not to be pushed around for any reason

And you see that fear you have now, fear of people and crowd, it will diminish. You will grow to look into the eyes of anyone. However, you must refuse to be everywhere for no reason. Be where you are wanted, needed, celebrated & welcome. You are not regular baby.

Oh and remember I said people won’t like you. No they won’t. They’d have an already made expectation of who you should be or what your words to them should sound like. Especially with the role of social media and the position you will assume because of your career path. But you don’t fit in a box. You are eratic. You disappoint them always and you don’t care. You will see through their BS before they decide to give you BS. But please learn to walk away. Don’t tell them you know, just go. The stress ain’t worth it.

And for love? LOL Baby I’m laughing. You will be fine. The men who will appreciate your personality are very few. You will love and not be loved back. But you will keep loving.

You will hurt so much but with time, you will learn to push your feelings aside and pursue passion. Love will find us. I promise. But before then, love yourself shamelessly!

Your career path will be confusing at first. You will wonder if it all makes sense. But be consistent and be good at what you do. It will all make sense baby.

Read…love…travel…be free… life is truly short. Sometimes it doesn’t add up and most times, does go as planned, but choose happiness.

And there’s this thing about your mental health. Build it up then guard it. There are people who specializes in messing your mental health and self-esteem up. Don’t let them. Shut them out.

They’d say you are harsh and not friendly, but follow your instincts – They never lie. Some are just messed up, don’t let them drag you down that road.

And when it comes to society and the fact you live in a patriarchal one, you need to find balance and be humane. Don’t be part of those who will put down a man to raise a woman or put down a woman to raise a man.  Always be found in the group of people who have the best interest of both gender at heart. Be fair in your dealing. Apply wisdom always. Know your strength, know your weakness and play them nicely.

Remember to lift others when you can. It will never reduce you. Teach them your trick and skills…you will always get better and be authentic. Help people because you can and it will make you feel good. Don’t be forced to do anything.

Explore your sexuality!

I think I’m talking too much already and that’s not what we do. You and I, we don’t talk much. We prefer actions and I trust you will find your path, the path that gives you peace.

#ToMyYoungerSelf , Be yourself. Be you and don’t let the world take that away from you. I see me in you. I see the ME I hoped to be. I see a ME that I could have been if I was handed a piece like this. I see a great ME. Be that person, and don’t let us down!

Above all, trust God. Go with his plan, ITS ALWAYS THE BEST.

The End

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