By Stela Xega
Pain more tragicWe were not loversBut i could write thousands of PagesFor a single simple kiss in a pathetic BarI promised myselfI would curse less as a part ofthe package of getting over you
I promised myselfI would stop relating everythingback to you
I said I was going to erase youfrom my head like human beingshave erased most of the forestson this planet
I’m amazed by the way I wasn’t scared to fall forsomeone who tells me“I’m a really good liar” up frontlike you did, but somehow tells meeverything about his family, andhis dreams, his pain,the underestimationLets me in more thanmost people, does not display himselfshallow for me, lets me in his realityeven though I amlittle and could drown in the deep end,
That’s what a good liar does to you. He walks away after all.He makes you wonder if your definition of I love youis even a verb, or if verbs like that exist in the first place.He makes you wonder if you even know how your own heart beats.
I’m still trying to promise myself I’ll rid my veins of you,But you made me wonder if anyone knows how tokeep a promise
Dear heartstop loving boys who puteverything into music and instruments,you want them to write youinto a song but they onlyend up singing youcloser to your coffin
I am tired of your lies and your hollowness.February winds whistle through you and I knowyou weigh less than every promise I havetucked under my pillow, i am disappointed.
People pick you up and fill you, then leave youon everyone’s doorstep like empty boxesbought for 1,99 on a storeI don’t think they know you were made formore than this.
You should have been different. But youleave her mouth like it’s a bad taste to getout, you are a recycled trophy without areal origin, and I am sick of your shine—the way you look so real and feel so fakein the space between my tongue and teeth.I am looking for someone who loves youthe way I do; you were once more than words.
I am not sure what you have become.
I am attracted to youBecause you bore someSort of inner pain inside youThe worst thing was thatI got hurtWhile trying not to get hurt
I forgot that unsaid thingsWere not unfelt emotionsWhat do i win by lying myselfSo much?Do i even believe what i sayanymore?
I’ve never wanted all of someoneso much,never wanted the bad partsso bad.
I’ve never not wanted the whole of meto be changed like this.I want your sins and fearsYour truths and your liesYour happiness and your painYou don’t know what it’s liketo lie awake all nightloving someonewho refusesto love you
you don’t know how I shakelike a genie’s lampshiny and sadsomething wonderfulbut achingcaught insideto be released only bya selfish caress
I hope somedayyou ache like I acheI hope your hollow chestknows a heavy heartReady to explodeAnd when it does explodeI’ll dance over the pieces scattered on the floorOn the music you used to listenMy heart will break too and the pieces will be joined togetherLike a puzzle we never madeGoodbye love .