Forget about the negativity you read daily on tabloids and on some social media platforms, Marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. Marriage goes beyond love, it takes real work and commitment. To avoid unnecessary inconvenience and adjustments, here are 6 things people don’t discuss until it is too late and I would love for you to start the conversation now before saying yes or walking down the aisle.
Research has shown that disagreement over finances trumps infidelity as the number one cause of divorce. Your finance might be very personal to you but if you are going to be spending the rest of your life with someone, then the earlier you open up about your income, expenditure and debt (if any), the better. It’s also very important for you to try and measure your partner’s assumption against reality. We have seen cases where by the man or woman have not verbally claimed to be a billionaire, but has gotten married to a partner who just assumed a net worth because of a spending habit. So there has to be clarity. Also, who will pay for what? Considering joint accounts? How much should go into savings or investment? What’s your spending style?
This has become very important and somewhat excruciating as we have seen men who claim to own the body of the woman because he is supposed to be accorded respect as the head of the home. On the other hand, there are woman who have wanted more children or have just left themselves in the position to have more children for the fear of using contraceptives. The number of children and method of delivery has become very important a discussion. Some women are fine with the natural birth method while others are now tilting towards preferring caesarian section. Talking about it is important and it affects finances and bothers on perception, mindset and values.
What path is your career taking? How demanding is this path? Would you have to be away at some point? If yes, what arrangements needs to be made? Career couples must have this conversation without trying to sound unsupportive. It’s a partnership and should not stop either from setting goals and achieving them.
For some people, having family members/friends living with them is a total turnoff while some others like the idea. You and your partner should decide if either or neither of you would want a family member to live with you.
It’s imperative you comfortable with this topic of conversation. What are your views of sex, and how have they shaped you? Understanding your sexual views and knowing your partner’s is a valuable part of preparing for intimacy.
This is about your views on what is okay and what is not okay. What do boundaries look like with friends of the opposite sex, past boyfriends/girlfriends, and even family members? How will you protect your time, guard your emotions and that of your partner?