By Samuel Oluwatobi Olatunji.
“Boo, why are you crying?”“Trump won…”“and so?”“my American dream is dead”“American dream kwa? What are you talking about?”“I had a dream last month…”“and so?”“in the dream, I saw myself in America”“so do you want to go back to the dream?”“it’s not just a dream; it’s a vision”“vision 2020, right?”“I’m serious… anyway, I spoke with my pastor”“and what happened?”“he asked me to fast for seven days for my dream to come to pass…”“wait, have you been fasting?”“well, yes”“so what happened to the food I cooked and gave you?”“well, since I did not want you to know about the fasting, I pretend to accept and eat the food later…”“ok… but what really happened to the food?”“well, our neighbour’s dog fed very well on it”“Chineke! No wonder that dog has been looking a bit fatter recently… so you have been wasting what I suffered to cook?”“Not like that na… try and understand me…”“hmmm… I feel like plucking your head and giving it to that dog this moment”“oh, thank you… please pluck it as Americans have plucked my dream away o… Trump is president…. I can’t go to America again!”“you can go and hang yourself because Trump is president… I am not the one that the devil will use to kill you”“you’re meant to sympathize with me as a good girlfriend, but you have been affected by Buhari’s change too much”“me sympathize? After you have wasted my food? Anyway, I can bring buckets for you o”“buckets? To do what?”“for you to cry inside na… at least from your tears, we can get enough water to flush the toilet since water supply is scarce nowadays”“like seriously? You’re just a wicked somebody”“and you look like someone that someone should be wicked to”“please leave me in peace if you have nothing else to tell me”“well, I have something else to tell you”“I just hope it is good news sha?”“well, it depends on how you see it”“oya talk fast I need to resume my crying so that God will see my tears and do a miracle in America”“which miracle again? The fact that Trump won is a miracle already”“well, it is most likely a miracle from hell, but I am crying for a miracle from heaven”“hmmm… story for the gods”“so what is it that you want to tell me?”“I am having a strong feeling that now is not the time… I should allow you mourn first”“you better talk what you want to talk now… I may commit suicide after this crying session”“wow… that will be an interesting news… I will take a selfie with your dead body and post it online”“oh, you want to use me to become a celebrity, abi?”“why not?”“something must be doing you”“hahaha… and you too, my boo”“now what do you want to tell me?”“are you sure you want to hear this?”“I hope you don’t want to tell me that one million Americans committed suicide after the declaration of Trump as US president?”“that will be legendary news, mehn… I wonder why it has not happened yet.”“so what do you want to tell me ooo?”“calm down now… Cool temper”“I’m cooling o, oya talk”“well… how should I say this now?”“say it anyhow, in any language…. I will try to understand”“oh, are you sure?”“over-sure”“ok… ich bin schwanger”“ermm… you’re Schwarzenegger? That’s interesting!”“hahahaha… stupid boy! I thought you’re a great language scholar”“well, a man cannot know all things”“I have heard you”“so what language was that?”“I think German, or so….”“and what does it mean in plain, un-Obahiagbon English?”“well… well… well… it simply means your bae is pregnant!”“preg-what”“pregnant o”“Jesus… double wahala for deadi body… please you can now bring the buckets, I am about to cry out flood now”“anyway, sha don’t drown me and the baby in my womb o… I wish you good luck with your flood of tears”“and where are you going to?”“travelling to the next town in case you can’t control the flood”“something is really doing you”“and you too, my boo boo… anyway, Au revoir!!!”Click HERE for previous parts of Scribbles of Our Stupidity!!!