by Samuel Oluwatobi Olatunji

“wait o, you have been in the bathroom since?”

“Jamb question! Any problem?”

“what were you doing in the bathroom for so long?”

“I was washing away my sins”

“And I guess you turned the water into blood first as Jesus turned water into wine?”

“exactly… I left some of the water, or blood as you call it, you may go and wash away your sins too”

“sorry, I’m not interested in your bloodbath…”

“are you sure? There is the scarlet letter of sin on your forehead, you better go and wash it off”

“Are you sure you washed your eyes because it seems you aren’t seeing clearly o?”

“It is you that need to wash your eyes… remember you use recommended glasses?”

“and so?”

“well, you can fix your sight if you wash your eyes with the water in the bathroom”

“you must be kidding me?”

“no kidding, baby”

“but what exactly did you put in the water?”

“well, it is prayer water and there is salt in it too”

“prayer water mixed with salt? That’s interesting”

“My mom sent me a bottle of prayer water, asked me to add salt into it and take my bath with it”

“more interesting… I hope your mom didn’t have a vision of you having Ebola?”

“me? have Ebola? God forbid! Why do you have a bad mouth?”

“well, remember the salt and water rumour during the Ebola saga, right?”

“well, I can never have Ebola in Jesus’ name!”

“Amen… anyway did you ask your mom why she wanted you to use the water and salt?”

“well, I didn’t bother to ask”

“hmmm… I see… anyway, I hope I’m not to partake in your salt water ritual?”

“well, she didn’t ask you to, but I want you to, my baby”

“lol! You must be joking! You want me to do what?”

“I want you to use the water too… please just obey… please”

“please don’t start with the obedience-is-better-than-sacrifice-thing…”

“no, I won’t, though it’s true, but I want you to go and use the water”

“I hope it’s not by force, right?”

“well, I’m not making it optional for you, so you just have to use it”

“Oh God, save me from this lady called my girlfriend o”

“amen… oya go and use the water asap”

“seriously?”

“you have five minutes to step into that bathroom… your time starts now?”

“wait, you mean you aren’t joking about it?”

“why should I joke about it?”

“because it sounds like a joke?”

“well, I’m sure you can see the seriousness on my face”

“oh shit! She is serious… save me, someone please”

“save you from what?”

“from you of course!”

“oh, interesting”

“can’t I just say no to you?”

“well, if you want me to say no to you on our wedding day in front of everyone, you can say no now”

“chai! This is bully o… I have to inform my lawyer about this”

“no problem… if you like inform the whole world, I don’t care… just go and use the water”

“emm, ok… on one condition…”

“what condition?”

“you will agree to sleep with me tonight? I have really missed having sex with you…”

“hmmmm… ok… just go and use the water”

“yes, ma’am… your wish is my command!”

“good boy… I owe you a kiss afterwards”

“hurray!”

“………………… stupid boy! Sex ko, ex ni! No sex until you pay my bride price…”

“emmm…. Sweetie, did you say something?”

“nooo oooo, I didn’t say anything… nothing at all…. enjoy your bath!”

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