By Samuel Oluwatobi Olatunji.
Click HERE for part 1, 2 & 3“what’s wrong with you again?”“what do you mean?”“open your legs jare, let’s do this thing”“which thing?”“don’t you know romance is not complete without sex?”“because I allow you to kiss me and touch my fresh skin means we should have sex, abi?”“yes na”“well, I can’t have sex without condom”“seriously? but I’m broke na… person wey dey find money to buy garri no fit dey waste money on condom na”“well, no condom, no sex… na person wey get money fit shop…”“young woman, listen and listen good”“listen to what o?”“in case you have forgotten, you belong to the kitchen, the living room and the other room”“says who?”“Me, your boyfriend, the president, GCFR, of this house… ”“GCFR ko, GCE ni… wait, what did they give you today?”“who are the they?”“the they na… your alcoholic crew…”“nonsense woman, I didn’t see them today…”“are you sure? And did you take any nap?”“yeah… just a little”“oh, I see… they must have overfed you with bottles of alcohol in the dream then?”“it is you that they will feed with alcohol in the dream in Jesus’ name”“calm down… I wasn’t cursing you na… just asking a question”“you better open your legs now before I look for a replacement for you in the other room”“hahahahahaha… what a stupid threat… you don’t know that I am just managing you, abi?”“look at this one? I’m the one managing you in case you don’t know”“it seems you want me to start showing you the number of rich guys queuing to ask me out?”“so what are you still doing with me?”“I have asked myself and God that question over a million times, and I just discovered the answer”“and what’s the answer?”“I’m the only one that can understand and control your insanity from infesting the world”“that is to say?”“you are a virus without cure, but can be controlled, and I’m your controller…”“I hear you… just open these legs quickly… my john thomas is already falling like Naira…”“because, officially, I’m dollar so it has no option but to fall until the economy in this house gets better”“what is wrong with you now? Ehn?”“nothing”“don’t tell me you want to start a vagina protest?”“well, not just that, from henceforth, until you present to me a well-written apology in an envelope containing money and bring along a lovely bouquet, my skin is hereby a forbidden fruit…. THOU MUST NOT TOUCH IT!!!”“What!!!??”“you saw the way the First Lady dressed to Brussels, well-covered? That is how I will dressed from henceforth, no skin part to entertain your eyes”“but that’s wickedness of the highest order”“and when I want to sleep, I will wear only long jean trousers and a cardigan, then wrap myself with two blankets… no sexual contact at all”“chai, just tell you have become moi-moi… this your love is wicked, wicked…”“well, this is the feminism of the other room you want to relegate me to…”“baby mi, please let’s just do it tonight… this konji is strong o.. you can do your sex curfew or protest later, please”“no no no no… my no is final!”“I think it’s now time for me to sell you and have money to marry a small wife from the north”“if your talent is selling things, you better go and get a kiosk like the aboki at the gate”“Me? Sell in a kiosk? I reject it in Jesus’ name”“Well, thank God you rejected it because if you decide to follow that path, I will not just reject you in Jesus’ name, I will also reject you in Ogun’s name”“Mehn, you’re a troublesome case, baby girl”“trouble makes life interesting, baby boy… good night”“ehm… but can I just do it from behind?”“if you touch me, ehn, I will so beat you that even when you sleep, you will find me beating you in your dream”“chai, na wa o… this is what I get for dating a lady born to be a panel beater…”“if I don’t panel-beat you back to sanity, who will?”“mehn…. I rest my case… good night”“hahahahahahahaha… good night, baby boy….”