Love feels good. In pursuit of love, some are already obsessed with the idea of being tagged with someone than experiencing real love and having an authentic relationship.
It’s a huge priority hence they don’t even know when they have lost themselves all because of nothing.
Love come with a kind of intoxication that only love can conquer. Love is deep, love is true, love is wild among other things. If you do not handle the intoxication, being with the wrong partner can destroy you. The intoxication of love comes with the risk of losing oneself. As an individual, you might as well be the singular fuel to you losing yourself in a relationship. It doesn’t always come from your partner. Cases like this occur when all you show your partner is the fake side of you. You pretend and cannot even be free enough to exhale in front of your partner. When you aren’t authentic in a relationship, you are essentially living a lie. You’re hiding. You don’t allow your partner to see the real you. Which in most case isn’t by request but a result of some hogwash orientation and feeling lesser to your partner, hence you think you must put on an act to have and keep your partner.
Being open to someone to love and who has the potential to love you in return, is by far, one of the most vulnerable things we can do as humans. Therefore having a proper definition of who you are is very important to make the most of your relationship without losing yourself.
When we open to love, we are open to the possibilities of being hurt, rejected, abused, and betrayed. The fear of these possibilities can make you hide the awesome part of you so as not to lose your partner but its necessary we realise that our dynamic nature is what makes us interesting and very unique. Do not fall into the trap of inauthenticity in an attempt to maintain a relationship and avoid pain.
You have lost yourself when…
You can no longer say ‘no’. Your boundaries become blurred. You are not authentic. Your friends rarely see you because you spend all of your time with your partner or your partner’s friends. You see yourself as superior over your other friends whose relationship pattern is probably different from yours.
You lose your interest in your hobbies. Your interests are his interests. His interests are your interests. You let go of your routine, your structure, and your life.
Now don’t get me wrong — a relationship requires compromise, a blending of lifestyles, and a lot of shared time together — but there should still be a maintenance of your own life. There should be a balance. Your friends, your work, your hobbies should remain. It may not be at the same frequency as your single days, but these things should still have a presence and significance in your life.
Do you agree with everything your partner likes, says, or does, even when you really don’t agree? You may do things that you don’t like, agree with people just to avoid conflict, or live a lifestyle that doesn’t fit with your inner beliefs.
Do you hide aspects of yourself out of fear you won’t be liked? You may be afraid to “expose yourself”, and allow someone to see the “real you” physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally, or spiritually.
Be authentic. Authenticity keeps you strong.
It simply means that you are being real. You aren’t hiding who you truly are as a human. It means that you become transparent to the world, including your dates and partners, because you know that who you are is acceptable, and worthy of love and acceptance.
Authenticity requires fearless confidence in who you are. It requires that you believe you’re OK, and if your date or partner doesn’t like who you are, then it isn’t a reflection of your worth, your appearance, or anything else on a personal level. It simply means that someone failed to recognize your worth, or your worth wasn’t a match for their worth. It is not about you.
Self-acceptance is the key.
When you love and accept yourself, you won’t run the risk of losing yourself in relationships. You must trust that who you are is imperfectly perfect. Your flaws and imperfections are a part of you to acknowledge, and never a part to hide. It is through loving and accepting yourself that you can learn to allow someone else to love and accept you.
Be you. Be authentic. Accept yourself and this will simply mean your love will find you. It’s okay to be single for a while but be sure you are heading the right direction when you heading into a relationship. Never lose yourself in a relationship.
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