I hope you receive this letter with peace and joy. I sit in the patio while staring at the daffodils that you love to attach to my hair and I am reminded of everything that happened here few months ago. This was the day you told me you loved me. This was the day you left me. As the flowers bloom, I am aware that we have come a full cycle from all that transpired then. I miss you like a bad tooth. I mourn the loss of your love as strongly as I pray for your return, will you ever come back?
Our story is a forgetting, because how do you wish to remember a love so encompassing it swallows you through the belly, occasional throwing you out from remembering too much. I try to forget you everyday, then I go into my room and see the painting we got as a commemoration of our love and I’m reminded that to love someone is to watch them leave in pursuit of whatever passion holds their mind.
Promises are made to be broken with the permission of the universe, you taught me that. Praying for a sign from the universe to send this letter I create mine from the silence of the birds, because silence is all the sign that is needed to pursue your own fate. I send this with a fear of it returning unopened, but to succumb to fear is to give up on the dreams we spoke with the stars as witness, dreams we will continue to recreate till we actualize them.
Deolu, I wake up each morning with a harsh reminder of your absence whenever I reach for you. Burying my head deep in the toilet bowl I cry as I expel all I ate the night before, wishing for your presence more than ever. I wake up in the middle of the night craving your touch but cry myself back to sleep. Choking on my tears, I send prayers out to the universe to keep you safe wherever you are. I have picked a name for the baby—Adebowale. When are you coming home?
Strength isn’t taught but we learn the hard way when life throws curve balls at us. I fall apart each day before remembering that I have a child growing in me, then I pick myself up with reminders to be strong because to fall apart is to lose the will to go on, and I will move.
Deolu, I hope this finds you in peace. I hope this finds you. I wear the daffodils on my hair each day, imagining your hands fixing the stray strand behind my ear. I love you more each day. I remember odd things about you and burst into a fit of laughter, my baby kicking within me as we share this moment of love for his father. We will never forget you. Come back soon.
Ireti and Adebowale.