For those in Lagos, Nigeria, you probably heard my voice on Lagos Traffic Radio (96.1FM) last night at the usual time – 10pm. What if I tell you I was seriously ill at that point, will you believe me?
I got home yesterday from church feeling very sick. Some close friends of mine are of the opinion that I have probably stressed myself but as I type this, I am still trying to figure out what stress I put myself through lately. On the contrary, I think I have been resting a lot more lately. What do I know though? Since this body of mine refuses to behave. Good news is, I am better this morning.
Still on trying to figure out how I broke down, I started reminiscing on my journey back home from Church. My church is quite a distance from where I live. If you know Lagos, then you can image the Distance between Ogba and Ikotun.
After service, I was going to pick a cab but I decided against it. I left church early and I didn’t have to be at the Radio office till 9pm, so I decided to enter public transport. I don’t know where you are reading from, but I will gladly tell you that entering public transport in Lagos, Nigeria, is equivalent to putting your life on hold and trusting God to pull you through. If you are lucky, you get a smooth ride, level headed driver, a bus in good condition and responsible fellow passengers. But if you are unlucky like I was yesterday, you get everything wrong. I regretted my decision at some point. If I really want to share my experience from yesterday then I should do another post. It was horrible but thank God I survived. However, I think the whole symptoms I had in me were pushed out because of yesterday’s stress.
When I got home feeling really sick, I felt sad because I hate swallowing pills of any kind. Since I lost my mother on the 27th of May 2007, I cry each time I fall sick, thereby, compounding the sickness. After crying hard, my aches increase then I remember to find solution. It’s been like that for the past 9years. Usually, I remember how much she would take care of me, get me whatever she thinks I want to eat or whatever I say I can eat. Having to fall sick is normal for everybody and myself but having to live with the idea of not having my mother around to do the things she used to do for me killed me each time I fell sick. All I wanted was her, not medicine, but my mother.
But yesterday was different. The thought came and I defeated it. I told myself I was not going to add to my pains. My mother is not here to love me through this pain but I have learnt how to take care of myself from the way she took care of me. I didn’t cry, I did not increase my head ache, I did not aid the fever for the first time in almost 10years. I took a hot bath, took hot coffee, and thought about how much I enjoyed living and how much I want to make her smile down at me.
Sincerely, I think I overcame something big. Each time I fed my mind with pity and heartbreak, I ended up pushing my temperature and pain high. I am not fully strong as I type this, but I am very much better than last night and I did not cry. Yes I still miss my mother, but I am not held back in my mind. It’s all in the mind. Whatever you feed on and believe will have its effect on you. Positively or negatively. Feed your heart and soul with love and give yourself reasons to keep living. Let your purpose be greater than your pain. Its starts from the mind – it starts from within – it’s all in your mind.