Before we go on with this
talk talk writing of mine, please answer these questions (Sincerely):
- Have you noticed how soon you want people to forgive you when you wrong them?
- Have you noticed how long it takes you to forgive a person when you are wronged?
There you have your answers.
Now, let’s do a little mathematics.
Now that you have your answer, can you sincerely explain why your final answer shows much difference?
Remember, “What is good for the goose is good for the gander”.
You understand yourself and you know it’s going to take you time to fully get over the pain, shock or disappointment you might have gone through due to a mistake or bad attitude of a sibling, friend, colleague, spouse, roommate, neighbor, employee, etc. but you find it difficult to understand that the person you have wronged also needs time to get over the disagreement even after the word “Sorry” has been said.
Quite frankly, it’s never easy to forgive and forget but with the rising knowledge of how harmful UN-forgiveness and withheld grudges can be to an individual, we all try hard to let go of our grudges and move on.
The fact that we all have different threshold for bullshit cannot be over flogged. That also establishes the fact that the time it takes Mr. A to get over the disappointments and pain cannot and should not be compared to Mr. C likewise Mr. Z.
Even if you are the kind of person that finds it very easy to let things go and you easily dish out ‘second chances’ like tissue paper, it doesn’t mean every other person has to be that same way. We all are uniquely different and this is the very reason why the need to have a little understanding of people around you is vital.
Also understand this: when you have wronged a person in such a way that it crumbles the trust s/he has built in you over a long period of time, you don’t expect things to go back the way it is just because you said the magic word. It will take time and some efforts from you to gain that trust back.
No one is above mistake. To err is human and to forgive is divine.
It will be doubly wrong of you to resume another session of quarrel and argument just because s/he isn’t responding to your apologies. Same way the whole sense organ in your body system couldn’t stop you from making that mistake which you have come to terms with, is the same way s/he is struggling with every emotion in him or her to get over the effect of that mistake.
After you have done the following to remedy the situation (works best for best friends though, click here for relationship healing process.):
- Sit and accept the fact that you have wronged a friend.
- Tender sincere apologies without making excuses or apportioning blame.
- Try as much as possible not to say or do things that would remind him or her of the painful incident.
- Give him or her space. Call or send sms once in a while and not for more apologies.
- If he or she doesn’t come around after 5months and you both go way back, please find your way to his/her house, argue that shit out or better still, beat each other up. 😀
Trust me it works. 😀
But the bottom line is, “Give people chance to heal” Our healing span differs
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