Finding Mr. Right: What Exactly is an ‘Unrealistic Standard’?

Finding Mr. Right: What Exactly is an ‘Unrealistic Standard’? - elsieisy blog

One of the blogs I am subscribed to is called Arise Single Christian Mummies. I am subscribed because it’s the kind of blog I want to be subscribed to. A blog where people share their opinion, reach out and help each other get through life – a bit of what we do here on ELSiEiSY blog.

The lady behind the blog is someone I respect too. She is quite socially open and friendly. I remember when she had reservations about a post on my blog, she reached out.

So this afternoon, one of the emails I got is a notification from Arise Single Christian Mummies, of a post titled – Choosing Mr. Right: Don’t be Too Picky.

The title definitely made me curious and I wasn’t going to conclude from just the title. I opened the link and it was a NO NO! for me.

I hate the idea of people always trying to tell young ladies to not be too picky. Common! You have not earned that right. If a lady is too picky, it’s her choice and her decision. Whoever she ends up getting married to will be her business. She alone and her choice will at the end of the day, be the two individuals to deal with their own decisions.

This was part of things we talked about on an episode of Crux of the Matter where I had Princess Uvbi of Wazobia FM/TV over and Pressure to Get Married Before 30 was discussed.

I know some standards can be unrealistic but telling a woman to lower her standard in order to find Mr. Right can be very annoying. And I will like to state here that some of the standards mentioned in that article are definitely not in any way unrealistic. What may seem unrealistic to you may be my own reality.

I agree we are in this planet earth together but our worlds are different. Your happiness may be my sadness. Why not let people live their lives in peace.

According to the post, here are some of the unrealistic standards are…

  • He must be earning lots of money.
  • He must be tall and handsome.
  • He must drive an expensive car.
  • He must be working and have a good job.
  • He must be romantic and buy you flowers and chocolates.
  • He must wait on you and run around for you as you command.
  • He must own his own property

And the list goes on…

I agree that a woman expecting a man to earn lots of money, drive an expensive car, owning his own property may be unrealistic, but how is wanting a tall man, a handsome man, someone who is working and have a good job unrealistic?

I fail to understand it.

There are women who will tell you they will never settle down with a handsome man because they think it’s just too much heartache for them. Will you also say wanting a not so handsome man…is unrealistic? Bearing in mind that being handsome is absolutely relative. There are women who pay attention to the physical qualities of a man, of course not forgetting other important attributes.

Is a man not supposed to have a good job? Is he not supposed to be working? Is a human being not supposed to be doing something reasonable with his or her time?

Nothing is really perfect. Nobody is perfect. At the end of the day, we choose the type of garbage we can handle. We’ve got our threshold. A relationship is one with two imperfect human beings working towards a perfect relationship. A perfect relationship doesn’t just happen, it takes love, understanding, communication and commitment.

It’s important we tell people – man and woman, to settle for the man/woman who they can bear their negative side. When a woman lowers her standard just to get married in order to please the society, there are high chances the married is heading for divorce or remain miserable for the better part of your life.

If life works out the way we all expect it to, you realise that you spend the most part of your life with your partner. Let’s not push people into spending the most part of their lives in regret and pain. There is someone somewhere out there for everybody. This does not mean we should not sincerely evaluate our way of life, learn, unlearn, while making changes where necessary.

I may just be paranoid though…Don’t take my word for it as no one rule fits all.

So tell us, from your perspective, what standard do you classify unrealistic?

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  1. I don’t think there are really any unrealistic qualities out there but I do think that these qualities can change or a lack of them can be accommodated. When you truly find someone who gets you even more than you get yourself. Your real person. A soul mate as some would say. He or she might not be exactly everything you want but the love covers all else. If you’re going to settle at all ,settle for what you feel your love for that person would cover.

  2. I don’t think there is any unrealistic quality tho.wat is realistic for u may be unrealistic for me cos of the people in my circle. Go for someone u knw u can live wiv their flaws for the rest of life. Nobody is perfect

  3. I honestly do believe that some standards are unrealistic basically in the sense that they don’t exist and not necessarily because one is asking for too much. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, there are really no rules and nobody is in any position to tell another person what standards they ought to set, no matter how unattainable we perceive them to be.

  4. I believe that everyone should set his or her own standards according to his or her own taste, education, exposure and other criteria. The word, “unrealistic” is relative.

  5. There are no unrealistic standards, i guess ladies have different tastes in their choice of men and most of the adjectives been used are relative from one individual to another. Being rich or handsome, fat salary, etc. are relative and cant be quantified

  6. Is dere anything like unrealistic wen it comes 2 matters of d hrt?, a woman need 2 hav certain standards n criterias of d kind of man she wanna spend her 4ever wit, is it unrealistic if all she wants is sum1 dat would love her 4 her???…

  7. What is realistic to you today might turn out to be unrealistic tomorrow. The key question a lady should ask herself before settling for any Mr.Right is,”Can I truelly love this guy” irrespective of his position or state tomorrow. I have seen women marry someone for being handsome and later the guy gets involved in an accident.A lady can marry a guy because he has a nice job and tomorrow,he gets sacked.A woman can marry a guy because of his car,his house,his kitchen and tomorrow,it all gets burnt down. At that point is ghe lady ready to go the full circle. Without true and undiluted love,it’s not possible. So,my advice to all our single lady’s,just look into the eyes of your supposed Mr.Right and ask yourself the tough question of whether you would still love him if all that makes him attractive today turns out to become unattractive tomorrow.

  8. “He must be earning lots of money.He must be tall and handsome.He must drive an expensive car.He must be working and have a good job.He must be romantic and buy you flowers and chocolates.He must wait on you and run around for you as you command.He must own his own property”What’s wrong in setting these standards? The woman setting these standards, you should know she must have built herself to an extent and cannot settle for less. What shouldn’t be done is sticking stubbornly and blindly to these standards. You should be able to make proper adjustments.Unrealistic standards? Lemme grow up first and find out.

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