Nigeria always appeared to be boring to me. Probably because I was born into a middle-class family and spent too much time on TV, novels, newspapers and learning about other cultures. But all that soon changed when social networks started creeping into the system. That was when I found out Nigeria was probably the craziest/dopest place to live on earth.
My name is Mayowa and welcome to my social network life. The deal is I am a social media addict and I am about to really take you into a world of drinks, girls, sex, family, friends and love (if it ever ends with that).
Thought it over and decided what was there to lose….seen and almost had it all. My most serious and longest relationship lasted 4 months. Never really knew what love felt like so am not sure if I loved Kate but I could sure tell she loved me to bits. One of my greatest mistakes ever was letting her go.
Lesson No.1 — When a girl loves you, never ever let her go. You might sleep around and sh*t but don’t ever let her go and always keep her happy because when everyone is gone including family, she’d still be there for you.
Really gonna be up straight and personal as I take you into my world and you can sure bet as hell, it’s one crazy world we youths live in nowadays. For the sake of privacy, I have decided to change the real names of the ladies all through my story.
Dull day so far, Ibadan always has a way of making the day draw longer than usual. Been shuttling between Lagos and Ibadan for the last 12 months due to family and runs issues. Big city with very little potentials asides the nice fact that everything is awkwardly cheaper than Lagos.
After getting tired of always looking for twitter girls based in Ibadan, I decided to download a social network app called BADOO. Never actually knew how the stuff works but just wanted to try it out. Few minutes after downloading, it gave a really extensive list with pictures of ladies based in Ibadan. And dear me, the smile on my face was really broad. Jackpot!!! They had the pretty faces (few anyway), started to pray they had brains too.
Finally one agreed to come and see me today which is why I am really concerned about the day just dragging slowly. And if my mouth was in form today, I might end up fucking the girl on grannie’s couch. Don’t like d idea of going to book a room at the hotel next door.
Lesson No.2 ——- When a girl is visiting you for the 1st time, never ever take her to an hotel/friend’s crib/bedroom straight. That would make her feel she’s some kinda of prostitute even if she may be. Always make her comfortable, talk/laugh. Always trying to have sex on the 1st date would possibly ruin future chances (most cases anyway).
Its 4:30pm and the BADOO chick just ping’d me to say she’s too tired to come over ( oo don’t like this ). After having manage to whine her up to come over and that she could even spend the night ( grannie had travelled to Ijebu-Ode ). She asked if she was coming over to sleep or what else? ( See question oo ) anyway I told her sleep and we’d fuck if she wanted it. Then she dropped the bombshell “If I wanna fuck someone, I’d like to know what am fucking for”. Like seriously, paying for sex has never been a talent of mine. Even when girls came over 4 visits and we fuck, I hardly gave ’em tfare ( if I giving them N500, my heart would say that was too small, if I dropped N1,000, my head would scream “WTF, that’s too much ) so d best tin was to drop nothing.
She buzzed me around 8pm asking if it would be fine if she showed up around 9:30pm. I was like “like seriously, u wanna come fuck me for 5k just like that?” She said I should stop playing with her. Okay, I have no cash at home, would she come n fuck me like that? (I knew she would say no!). Lol, just wanted to get her off my neck. She said okay, that whenever I had the cash I should holla….phew!
Sh*t cray…just when I thought I would sleep peacefully, Kunle called that he was just getting to Ibadan at 1am!!! And I should come and pick him up at Adamasingba ( where d fuck is Adamasingba and where am I to get bike or cab by this time ). I decided to try after all he will do the same for me, less than 20 steps outside d gate and I bump into the night watchmen…end of story, they told me Adamasingba was on the other side of Ibadan. Luckily, Kunle’s grannie and aunt stay in Ibadan too…bed calling. *Yawns
To be continued….
Written by Bass – Twitter (@bass_ige)