For 10years, I cried every Christmas, I cried on my birthdays, I cried when I fall sick, I cried when I feel lonely, I just cry myself to sleep cos I miss my best friend, my lover, my confidant, my prayer warrior – my mother.
But this Christmas, I’m cooking on her memory!
People say I hardly talk about my dad, this is true but not for any negative reason. I just didn’t get to know him. I lost him when I was 6months old. Asides having a picture of him, knowing we’ve got resemblance and that he was too brilliant for his own good, nothing more.
My mother (keep resting my hero), made it extremely easy to live without a father. She ran two thriving businesses and was there the whole time. Till death took her away in 2007. The more reason I don’t agree with anyone saying Single mothers can’t raise their children well. Pikin wey no wan get sense no go get sense. My mother did a damn good job
The news of her death wasn’t funny…I think it still isn’t. I still wish she could be here even if for one day. Her smile is heavenly. She is definitely the typical Nigerian mother but this one laughs at herself with us. LOL
There were days when I felt the pressure of being a single mom just by listening to her…sometimes, by looking into her eyes. When I think of the autopsy report – cardiac arrest, I am not even surprised. She struggled and hustled to make her children smile. While bothering about extended families and making them comfortable.
Having a MOTHER who did things expected from men even before these days of feminism and Misplaced strength shaped me in different ways. Losing her at the age of 18 was devastating. Oh I cried, I wondered how exactly I’m supposed to survive without a mother…my mother. But look at me, still standing.
I’m not close to where I want to be but I am also not where I used to be. Most times, I draw strength from remembering the life she lived, the way she touched many unconditionally and her words. After her death, it’s didn’t take long for me to realize she was that bond in the family. She was loved and people gathered and stuck together for her sake.
Right now I miss that family feel. I miss her smile, her special curry chicken stew. I miss her sharing food, both cooked and uncooked. I miss being the delivery girl – pocket money was sure. loool
I miss my Christmas cloth. I miss the crowd. I miss the joy she cooked with. I miss her kitchen practicals I miss her words and courage when we seemed not to have enough to do as we normally would do.
I miss watching her study the Bible. I miss gisting with her and learning about her turn ups way back in the day.
I miss arguing the outcome of a situation and having her win. She won always, of course, she had seen life on every side. She had fun and grace!
When I think of all these and more, I break down every Christmas and cry till my head starts aching.
But this Christmas, I won’t cry. I am gonna cook to her memory. I am going to cook, though not in large quantity as she would have, but exactly the way she makes them. I will look at her picture, smile, remind her I miss her and consume the food.
I love you Mama.
Getting over pain can take years or you may never get over it. But you can learn to be happy amidst the pain and life’s predicament.
To orphans around the world, like me, who would rather stay away than go see BS from extended families, or the ones who have no family at all, know this – Jesus loves you. And I love you too.
Smile, be happy for those who still have what you don’t have. But don’t be sad, create your peace, create your love and recreate your happiness. This is the season of love. Don’t you dare feel less cos you are more and stronger than you know.
And don’t even try to find happiness or love in a person or a group of people. It won’t last. Decide to be happy, love yourself and be your own happiness. Embrace your faith and pray. You go dey alright.
You are enough! Merry Christmas
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