The Concept Of Marriage And Baby Making

The Concept Of Marriage And Baby Making

 So after careful thought and a lot of pondering, I figured people tend to become a mirror image of what society wants and craves. It is almost as if the society plays us “The Song” and expects us to dance to every beat.

I have run into people that are different, people tagged abnormal or at least weird because they do not profess the society’s creed, they refuse to live outside their beliefs about who they really are, they refuse to conform, they choose to just BE.

When I say “society” I think it broadens the scope of my thoughts, so let me narrow it down so you can get my point and maybe even feel my pain mbok!!

Nigeria is a country filled with so many beautiful, talented people (that is a fact), who if not for some sticky norms and ideals that surround them would actually turn out to be what they were born to BE. Norms and Ideals?? Oh yes oooo…. I’ll just scribble down a few, let’s see if you can relate.

Remember the ones that somehow everyday insinuate that a male child is more important that I am, that celebrate the birth of a boy and treat the birth of a girl like a third class event………yes oooo this particular one vexes me.

Then there are the ones that say to me that my sole purpose in life as a woman is to make a man happy by marrying him, mothering him and bearing his children. Ah!!! Ladies I know you all know this one. In fact as a 30 year old single woman in Nigeria, you are considered so incomplete that you are expected to grab the next man that comes your way, make him marry you so you can receive your certificate of womanhood.

These points can go on for centuries and these so called ideals and norms will keep coming at us. So what if we stop moving nowhere so fast and we sit down for a little while to really consider why we are here and by here I mean on earth. Why were we born? Certainly not to become breeders of more half baked humans. I say this because at a certain age in the life of young Nigerians it is seen as a God given duty to pick someone from the pond, marry and breed breed breed ……….The matter tire me.

I would like to say this although I know most of you will say it is blasphemous, I believe marriage is not for everyone and having kids is certainly not for everyone biko!!!! Yes o I said it…. why? Here it goes.

Not everyone even understands what the institution of marriage is, they just go in because society expects them to and because sometimes it seems like a fun and glamorous adventure. It doesn’t always end up the way most people imagine it and so they rush out as fast as they rushed in or are stuck there till death lends a helping hand, either way they become these bitter people who just want to unleash all the bitterness they harbour on the world. This is highly unsettling and I doubt very much that a bitter person can BE all they were born to BE.

People these days are not mentally and emotionally prepared to enter into a union that demands every ounce of will power that a man and a woman have (as the case may be). After marriage, life is no longer business as usual for the two parties (well who am I kidding?) it is no longer business as usual for the woman, it is almost as if her life comes to a halt……. she becomes a wife and a mother and if time permits she takes up a job, sometimes any job so she can contribute to her family’s welfare. A lot of women in Nigeria hardly get to follow their dreams, to achieve set goals, their dreams are cut short, hearts are broken and the world earns more bitter women.

Men and women who have not discovered who they are have no business being in control of another innocent human being’s life (they have no business bearing children). My interaction with young adults in recent time has set me into panic mode, I feel sorry for the children that they will have and for this already broken society. These days, people have children and proceed to squash their individuality, they are taught to become what the world expects them to BE. Labels and stereotypes, dos and don’ts, norms and ideals………Ours is a society where children are made to feel ashamed of their creativity, their uniqueness and their discovery of self. Soon enough they forget and dive into the pool of people who have absolutely no idea who they are. No one should be allowed to bring another human being into this world and do that to them, strip them of their essence, it should be a crime.

I understand that the glamour of a marriage ceremony can be un-imaginable but at some point the struggle becomes real and love is no longer blind, you know why??……….because marriage is an eye opener. I am not saying in any way that marriage is bad or that having kids is awful, mba oooo! It could be the most amazing thing. My point is that people go about these things like they are components of some ritual that must be done without ever giving it a second thought. People hardly ask questions.

Is marriage for me? Is it something I want? Am I being forced or pressured into it?

Am I aware and awake enough to be responsible for another human being?

Would I rather dedicate my life to saving the environment, to helping the needy?

Would I rather make discoveries that will help people live better in our world?

Would I rather cater for the orphans left behind in this messed up space

The sooner we decide not to be pressured into being what society wants us to Be, the better for humanity.

It may be the hardest thing to imagine but really in my opinion, marriage and babies are not for everyone.

Diamond Osagie.

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4 comments

  1. Very well said. Oprah has no biological children, said that she didn’t have because she didn’t think she would have time for them and didn’t want them to hate her. This is someone who has touched countless lives through her works. Women need to find themselves and achieve their dreams or at least make an attempt before having kids. This ways they will have something to teach the kids. I just started my Clothing line, Designing has always been my passion, owning a business is hard but I thank God for His Grace and the opportunity to live my dream.

    1. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your opinion with us. I wish you the very best with the clothing line

  2. It feels as if Diamond took this right from my mind. Its high time we get sensitized on the real purpose of marriage. Please spread the word. Let us redefine the concept of marriage. Its not just about producing babies, it should be more of being each other’s soul mate.

  3. This article is spot-on!Age doesn’t determine when you’re ready to be fully committed to another being- this isn’t gender-specific.I was in my 30s before finally acknowledging I was ready for that kind of lifelong commitment. Although, in my late teens and early 20s, I wanted to get married at the age of 23. When I got to that age, I baulked.Being matured doesn’t- in my case, I was mentally matured on time but not ready- you’re ready for that task.I recall having a discussion with my ex, when I was 23, and I spoke about his preparation for getting married. He told me that he wold ask himself questions about his reaction, if he was married and his wife or child acted in a certain way or did something he didn’t like. He was mentally preparing himself long before he got married and putting himself in simulated marital situations.My respect for him went up several notches because it’s rare to see anyone prepare themselves in such a way.Marriage is beautiful, yet it has the potency to destroy your life, if done wrongly or without adequate, mental preparation from both parties.Marriage can make you achieve great things but it can also pull down the good things you’ve achieved over the years. It can increase your emotional, psychological and personal wellbeing but it can also destroy the aforementioned.It should be handled with care not entered in, frivolously.Don’t rush in because of age, instead you can allow age- if you’re driven by that- be a push to mentally prepare. No, you can’t escape that mental preparation, even if you’re still single at 70.#my2Naira

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