#Blogfest 2:0, day 8 – #30dayscountdownto2016
New relationships can be very daunting and terrifying especially when you’re so worried about it (even if you don’t have reason to be) and in your head you have been broken up with like a thousand times. Thinking of how it might not work out is a way of protecting you because you don’t want to get comfortable. At the end of the day you get so stressed out and use worry to pray for something you don’t want.
Worrying does confuse your thought perception and never leave any room for love. Yes you’ve had not so good experiences from past relationships and so has the person you want to date. But the truth is judging a partner purely on your past or their past is a tad bit unfair.
When you’re scared in a new relationship and struggling to relax because you don’t know the beginning and end of it, you’re expecting your guardian angel to come along and say, ‘yes it’s going to work out’ or ‘No it’s not’ or simply just give you an end date so that you can privately accept failure from the outset and feel safe knowing that your fears and the stories (lies) you tell yourself are true. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. The fact that you already have one leg in and the other out is a sign of lack of commitment.
If you’re not truly in the relationship, then that’s a problem that needs to be cleaned up, especially if the reason has nothing to do with the present relationship. The truth is you don’t trust you so you don’t trust your partner.
Relationships are about 100:100 so you need to manage your feelings and let your partner manage theirs and then work with them as part of the team of your relationship. You can’t be a team player if you’re secretly looking for an escape route out of the ship of your relationship.
Relationships are about two people, not an audition process where one person holds the key to your happiness. If that’s the way it feels, take a parachute and jump.
There is no magic bullet for trust and relaxing. You just have to choose the thoughts, words, and choose the actions each day. You just have to recommit over and over. You talk back to your inner critic over and over again and don’t denigrate your relationship by throwing it under a bus when you decide you’re not in the mood or there is a disagreement.
Relationships aren’t a bed of roses, there would be good and bad times. But you need to ask yourself, ‘do I believe that this relationship is a good fit’. You only make a decision about a relationship with the best of the knowledge you have at the time. You do not need to make a perfect decision – you need to be aware, conscious and present so that you know whether you’re an actual good fit.
You do not need to be perfect. Breathe. Your whole life does not hang in the balance on this person. Dating isn’t life support! You will be OK! Trust in you.
Chantel blogs at C’s blog
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