4 pi r squared

4 pi r squared

I sat behind the wheels of my BMW 320i 2010 solving math problems in my head. I often did this whenever I was frustrated or angry or upset or things were spinning out of control.

You see, I believe in God, yet I believe He is a little more removed from the world and its workings than an average believer does. Allow me elucidate Let me explain.


I just chuckled now, because I remembered a story told to me one late night at the University Health Centre by my doctor friend. It was a bizarre tale about a praying male student who had ‘pursued’ a demon into a female hostel at 2 am in the morning. When he was finally apprehended and subdued amidst his shouts of “In Jesus Name!”, and accused of being a rapist, he continued to shout “let me explain” until he was allowed to explain his side of the story. Trust me it was an interesting one.

But what’s more interesting, in context, was why I was at the University Health Centre at night. I am not a medical personnel (though I’ve been strongly admonished to marry one), I was not on admission (not this time, thankfully), I didn’t bring in a friend/coursemate/roommate/fellowship member (like others had brought me many times), no. I was there because the doctor had become my best friend. We had become close buddies, so close we spent most of his night shifts gisting away the work-free hours.

Back then, (do they still do this? Does anyone know?) when nurses handed over shifts, they’d say “e ma busy o”, which was basically wishing the guys coming on a light shift. Stress free, referral free, death free. Thankfully, I and my doctor friend had a lot of these. Never mind that I should have been reading or sleeping or praying like my “Let me explain” brother. That’s a rather inconvenient angle to examine from here.

We became friends because I often fell ill and I often asked him (and every doctor) questions as to why, why not and what, what not. He was more accommodating than most, then we found our shared love for movies, music and science.

Ah, Science! The Priestess of the Universe. The one whom the Creator had put in charge of the world.

Is Science good or bad?

Before you answer that, kindly answer me this: does God sit around deciding which objects float and which sink in every body of water? Maybe based on who put it in the water? Maybe if they were holy or prayerful? Like “Oh! This guy pays his tithes, so let his pebble stay afloat”? Of course not. The idea alone is ludicrous.

But here’s what He does. As the Grand Designer He set forth some laws, one of this is the law (principle) of floatation (discovered by Archimedes). It is this law that determines what floats and what sinks, irrespective of who put it in the water. Please, let’s not argue the case for miracles. Go to a pond or lake and play around, make a video, then argue.

In every area, there are laws and principles and dynamics that hold (almost always) true. It seems God created the Universe then left it to a body of principles – Science to govern it. Then He reserved the unequivocal right to do as He pleased when it pleased him with said principles. Examples abound where He suspended them every once in a while. These, we call Miracles. Not so?

So, God is not here deciding every thing. In fact he gave man the keys to unlock science (dominion) and do with it amazing inventions. Trust me, there was Wifi in the garden, Adam didn’t just realize it. You get my point, I hope.

Anyways, back to today, I engage my gear, I can not hear my engine, but my indicators are alive, just the way I like it. Impressively Engineered, my car is a child of science, just as are the cells in my body which have a different shape, a different life span and a different way they behave. They call them “sickled”.

So, Science is neither a bad or a good thing. It is a “thing thing”. It just is. Ignore her laws at your own risk.

I didn’t really do well in school and I really wanted to drop out, but I had no clue what I’d do with myself if I dropped out, so I stayed on for one more class, one more assignment, one more test, one more practical session, one more exam until I one day realized I was actually done. To my surprise and that of family and friends, I graduated. Yaaay!

I took my certificate, framed it and hung it on my mum’s wall (It meant a lot more to her than it did to me), then I hit the world, I read, I travelled, I socialized, I strengthened my network and soon my net worth grew. Don’t bother with what it is I actually do, my mum asks often, I can’t explain it either. But here’s something I noticed: money making is a chain of little errands.

So, I’m headed to my suave bachelor pad in Ikoyi, which she had visited twice when I had fallen ill and she’d brought me medications and food. I look in the rear-view mirror and I can see Tomisin get in her car. It wasn’t exactly her car, it was company issued, and on it was the proud emblem of the Pharmaceutical Multinational she worked with.

To be honest, Tomisin checked all the right boxes: Smart? Check! Good job? Check! Hot body plus pretty face? Check! Believer? Check! Oh and she had the plus of being a medical professional – A Pharmacist! Now, a drum roll for the biggest factor……….she’s AA!

I have hit jackpot, yeah?  Well, not this time. This was more like a Jack-In-The-Box experience.

She liked me, I liked her. I opened up to her about my health, which I would ordinarily not do, but I felt my reasons were justified – she was a healthcare professional, she would understand and be helpful. And so, a few weeks after we met, when a crisis showed up, it was the perfect opportunity to ‘bring her in’.

I was down with pains in my knees, no way was I driving to midweek service. She noticed my absence and called, I explained and asked that she got me some particular pain killer that an aunt had ‘introduced’ me to. I hadn’t found it to buy, but I guessed (right) that she could find it. Fortunately, her company made something with the same constituents, so she brought me some. She witnessed, first-hand, what a crisis looked like for me. I thought she took it well.

This happened again a few months later and she came over again. You see, we’d met in church and aside our busy schedules, I was wary of inviting her over without a solid reason. I was not going to try the “Netflix & Chill” move, no, Sir! She was too busy building an empire, and so was I anyways, and of course, I am a christian brother; no hanky-panky. From what I knew about her, sex was not in the cards in a relationship for her anyways, so why poke the bear dragon? I remained content with meets at restaurants, lounges, airport terminals and church programs.

I thought Tomisin was the One that had come to recompense the pain of the past. I had fallen madly in love with 3 ladies before I met Tomisin. The first didn’t work out – immaturity. The second, an only child was AS. The third, a most beautiful soul was CC. Like my friend Frankie would say “No worry, I dey fall for the wrong types steady”. These were very traumatic experiences and no matter how much I make light of them, the scars remain.

I remember having to explain to the last one over a long-distance call why we couldn’t take it to next level on my arrival. I remember my friends telling me not to give up on the second lady – they’d heard about Prenatal Diagnosis of SCD. Well, it was easy for them to say, I couldn’t convince Joan to stay. Plus it would have cost me about 300 grand each time.

After the 3rd strike, I got wise. From the first dates, I’m looking for ways, short of straight out asking her, to find out a lady’s genotype. When all else failed, I’d resort to the “Do you know your blood group?” question, which surprisingly worked every time. It was sad, though, that most would answer with their genotypes and then I’d have to make it clear that genotype was different than blood group. And for the few who answered appropriately, I’d have to press a tiny step further for their genotypes.

The moment I didn’t hear “I’m AA”, my interest began a quick and painless death. In a few weeks I’d ensure to drift away before anyone caught (too deep) feelings.

But Tomisin had said the magic words and here was I driving away, my heart detaching from her with every fine revolution of my 2.0-liter BMW TwinPower Turbo inline 4-cylinder, 16-valve 180-hp engine. It was over, the dream.

She had said, “…look Steve, I like you a whole lot, but I can’t stand to see you in crisis. As a friend, I can cope, but as a wife? I can’t take it, my heart is very fragile. I won’t lie to you”.

The fine meal at the seafood place had suddenly tasted like sawdust.

Worst Val’s day ever! She tried to return the gift I had gotten her, I insisted she kept it.

There was the fourth wound to my soul.

The science of my body had been the hand that tipped the scales yet again.

No, I will not cry. I’ll solve maths.

What’s the formula for Total Surface Area? The surface area of my red blood cells made them unique in a sinister way.

But wait! My red cells aren’t even spherical.



Based on a true story.

Feel free to contact us with your comments, contributions and questions at crimsonbowng@gmail.com.

Please follow us on Instagram and Twitter @cimsonbowng.

You may also like


  1. Wow! A bit speechless…a bit close to tears. Can I imagine the pain…yeah. Very, very, very lovely piece yet again, Mr. Emuze. The story hit the right notes and nerves, the progression was apt and the suspense was worth it. I always look forward to reading you (your works), Mr. Emuze. *doffs hat*

  2. Angela-I love your blog and would love to be able to add it to my blogroll. If that’s ok would you shoot me an email. Also if you get a chance I’d love to get your feedback on my blog yakahblog.com!Thanks and have a great night!Ben

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge