Previous Episodes – The House I, The House II The House III, The House IV, The House V ,The House VI , The house VII, The house VIII, The house IX, The house X, The House XISESANNo cock crows, no fights at the well..no, none of that, it was Bode who woke me up. Picking up things round the room, wetin be this guy problem? I opened one eye to see him knotting up a tie. The room was still fairly dark, I reached around for my phone and checked up the time. It was just 6am. “Guy, wetin be your problem? Why you just dey disturb? You no look time say people still dey sleep?” “No vex bro, I have a job interview this morning and you know today is Monday, traffic and all“, He tended his apologies. At least the bobo dey find work. I merely nodded and buried my face back in the pillow. E go hard to sleep back, chei. Which kain person be dis? I didn’t even hear when he said goodbye and left the house. Which reminded me that me sef get lecture for ten. Ahhh, Doctor Amao’s assignment. Omo I never even write anything. Na to go school find person dub from noni. But problem number one, the will and strength to stand up from this bed. God!! I screamed into the pillow as I managed to pull up. At least I get to fetch water from the well early before the whole house descends on it. I opened the door and peeped outside. No one was at the well, I reached back inside and grabbed a shirt. That on, I picked up a bucket and strolled down. The thing in the house was fetch the water you required at the specific time you need it. Nothing like fetching water and preserving it for future purpose. Trust me that future wouldn’t come. Just ask Boka about two years ago when he had first moved into the house, he had fetched two buckets of water, had gotten an iron chain and chained them to the pole right in front of his room. Came back thirty minutes later to meet his empty bucket and chain still intact. I mean, how dumb could anyone get? Well two years down and thank God he’s getting wiser, doesn’t mean everyone else’s getting dumber. I pulled up the fetcher and proceeded to fill my bucket when I noticed someone walking towards me. I looked up and squeezed my eyes to properly see who it was. “Good morning“, was the sweet voice that answered my curiosity. I could recognize that voice anywhere. “Good morning Seyi“, you all should see the huge grin on my face as I replied. Seyi is one of the more ‘responsible’ tenants as Baba landlord would tell you. She lived in the main building, cute lady like that. Menn, you just needed to see her long nice legs, you go trip. Don’t know exactly where she worked but Loco had told us she worked at First bank or so. But the thing is we hardly got to see her sef. If not the pumping machine which had gotten spoilt in the main building that Baba landlord had refused to fix, I doubt if I could even have run into her. She kept to herself, left early morning for work and if she was ever home, she’d b in her apartment all through. Been always wondering she no get boyfriend ni? Me I fit fill in the gap o. “Push your bucket a little closer“, I begin form gentleman. “Ooh thank you“, she replied and in the dark I could see shiny white teeth. Oo today would sure be a great day. “It’s been long I saw you o. Did you travel?“, startup little convo. “No, just been busy with work and all” “Oo ok” I had pulled up the first one and filled her bucket halfway. Was pulling the second one up when someone else was approaching. I didn’t need to even look up to see who it was…with the way his feet were dragging across the floor. “Nna guy, good morning“, Boka grunted out. Dem send this guy to me ni? Why, Why, Why lord that it has to be Boka this early morning? Seyi took a few steps to the right to make way for him to pass through. For one reason or the other all the females in the house treated Boka like a plague. Na only God know if him don toast them round. “Guy, this one wey you quick wakeup so..who die?“, I asked him in a light manner to hide my present irritation. “Abeg shatap! And fetch ur water..if no be this fine woman wey stand for here, you don ever come fetch water for early morning before” Seyi chuckled and hid her face..I was about giving Boka a suitable reply when we started hearing someone banging on a door somewhere. I paused holding the fetcher filled with water halfway up. The door banging seem to be coming from Aso rock. Boka dropped his bucket and took off in that direction. Seyi turned and looked at me unsure of what to do. I decided against my better judgment to be a gentleman, I shrugged and proceeded to fill up her bucket and mine. I finished up and smiled at her..I got a pretty wide smile in return. “I guess you better start going else you would be late for work” “Oo no, I am not going to work today. I’m on leave. Just want to do a little laundry this morning“… Jackpot! “You don’t say, that means we would be seeing you around well for the next few days?“, I probed further. She laughed and shook her head.. “No, I would be in my room..I have novels to finish up“.. “You read novels?!” I acted shocked. Of course every eight out of ten girls read novels like a twenty unit course. Chei, I get lecture this morning and I dey here dey try set P. “Of course I do. I have a small library in my apartment” “That’s really crazy. Here’s a little secret, I read novels too a lot“… Now it was her turn to be surprised though her own seemed really genuine. “Come on, you can’t be serious“. “Jackie collins, Danielle Steele, Mario Puzo, Dan brown, Robert Ludlum? My favorite authors”. I reeled out the names proudly. Better no mind me…those where the authors whose books mum had always bought when we still young. Na joblessness dey always make me pick up the books occasionally. At least the thing improve my English small. Seyi was really laughing now and shaking her head. “Jackie Collins’ Hollywood wives has always been one of my books of all time. Jeez! I never imagine you to be someone that read novels or books“. “Ahan! what do you take me for na? I love Hollywood wives too although I have never finished it, my copy lost the last few pages“..I joked..abeg which one be Hollywood wives again I no remember o, just then noise erupted from Aso rock. Ooo should I cut this P setting short? “Awww you missed the best part. What are you doing later today“, Seyi asked sweetly. “Me?! No, no nothing once I get back from sch“..School wey don sure now say I no dey go again. “Ok, may you should come see my library then” “Done deal!” You all should have seen my shining white teeth as she turned and left. I chilled till she had fully entered the house then come see speed wey I use run towards Aso rock. BOKA.Chei which Kain Uti boy be dis na? Shebi na night me and am agree say we go go corner dis girls for house? Why he con dey do am early morning? Na God even talk say make Sesan don hook with that yeye girl for well. As I reach Aso rock, I just stand for Uti back dey wait make the girls open door, he no even do like say him see me.. “Make una open dis door na! Abi una want make I break am down“…omo, see voice wey b like Volcano eruption! Na so so curses follow am oo. “Who be the imbecile wey dem misborn wey come dey disturb early morning?!” “Your mama forget do abortion ni?!” “Na gutter dem born you“… See the yeye girls as dem dey curse up and down. Uti just vex kick the door..d door still stand. The second kick wey him go kick am, the hinges fly comot..the door just fall flat! He just enter. As I dey follow am for back, I look around to see who dey my back. Bello, Ben, Loco, Fela and one girl wey I no sabi don dey look. But none of them fit near aso rock as dem don see say na Uti dey cause commotion. I just smile, form chairman follow Uti enter. As all the girls see Uti omo u go fear silence. See boobi oo. Chei Nna menn, I no know why this girls no dey gree fuck me, I go pay them well. See as Mimi nipple dey point out from her nightie. Chei Diaris God o. “Una good morning“..na so Uti take start. Correct! “I come collect security fee“… “Security fee ke? Baba landlord don bring another o“..na Yemisi talk now. Na five of them dey room. Yemisi, Mimi, Angela, Lepa and one girl like that wey I no sabi. She just lie down for bed no even do like say she sabi anything. “I wonder oo“..Mimi join, dem don dey get liver. As she dey talk, na im Sesan enter. Ooo God, dem send this boy to me ni?. He no talk, he just enter stand for one corner. Chei! “Who dey talk about baba Landlord? I dey talk of my share of the money wey you and Lepa thief from una customer. The one fifty thouSAN“.. “EHN!!! Who thief?! Yepa!“…Lepa don start her drama. “Come come, I no like all this pretending o. Just give me my share. Coz if dem come burst una for house now, una go dey find person wey go fight for una. So pay me my security money now!“. Na so another round of curse start oo. Mimi con dey laugh. “Abeg Uti wait, who tell you say we thief one fifty thousand? You believe say if I thief one fifty thousand, I go dey squat? I no go collect my own room sharp sharp?“.. “E no concern me how you wan spend am. If you like go collect duplex. Boka talk say una move one fifty from una customer“… “BOKA!!!“.. Before I go fit talk anything, Lepa don jump ontop me. Me and her fall for ground..as I dey start to stand up, she pull my shirt tear am..I wan open mouth talk but if you see the slap wey follow me. Anybody wey tell you say heaven no real, walaha curse am because if you see the kain white white angels and stars wey I see ehn! You go turn born again. Na Uti save me, him just use one hand carry Lepa like piece of paper throw am for corner. “No b me talk am o, na Sesan tell me“..I manage talk, e b like say my voice sef don run comot. “Ehn! Who tell you wetin? Boka, wetin you go drink this morning?“..I don forget say Sesan sef dey here. “Sesan, you tell am anything?“..na Uti ask am. “Me ke? Wetin concern me for the matter? How I wan know if Mimi or Lepa thief anything? We no dey talk“..omo see as Sesan deny me. Peter and Jesus own no even worse reach this. “Sesan no fit talk that kain thing lailai, him na sure boy“..see as Yemisi dey defend am. I just look up look Uti say make he no trust this people o but if you see the kain eye wey Uti don dey use look me. Abeg, who get one room self-contain for rent? THE HOUSE XIIIWritten by BASS @OlumiCFC Click here to join our Facebook group where we can have fun and interact. Catch me if you can Do not forget to subscribe to this blog via mail for easy sharing. 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