The House – 24

The house

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BODE….Blackky and I walked in silence, I didn’t feel like talking or saying shit. I think he got the drift because he didn’t even bother an attempt at conversation. The guys’ plan seemed pretty good but in all honesty, the excitement in me right now stemmed from the idea of moving away and getting my own place where no one knew me and no drama around.

But where would be the perfect location and where would I get the required funds sef? I could always call mum and beg for a loan. Hmmmm maybe…and just maybe the drink at konigba would help me think better. I heaved and sighed. Looked at Blackky who was busy smiling at his phone as konigba came to view. Wonder what he was smiling at.SESAN….Omo this box heavy o, I dropped it and slumped in a chair. Wahidi collapsed on the floor…stupid fellow, so he no get strength and he dey form good Samaritan…idiot!

Ibironke made her way to the bathroom and I couldn’t help stare at her backside as she went in.

Ehn! So what made you abandon me?“..Seyi’s accusing voice made me shift my gaze.

Huh? Abandon you ke? I didn’t o..did I move out of the compound or you don’t know my room?“…counter attack.”Your room? Where all of you would be arguing and shouting on something senseless? No thanks, I’d pass“….

Errr so technically you can’t accuse me of abandoning you. Works both ways you know“…

Abegi! Whatever, what are you doing tomorrow?“..

Tomorrow? We no dey do anything o“…Wahidi answered for me.

Abeg who send am? Why is this boy here sef.

Hmm ok, why not let us all go to the cinema?“…

Us all ke? How many of us?“…She had better not be saying what I think she’s saying.

Ahan, me, you, your friend and Ibironke“..

Chei, we never even go further, she don dey match up Ibironke and Wahidi. Is this girl ok at all? She already talk say she be lesbian so what’s the 411?..

That’s not a bad idea o“..Wahidi again, I raised an eyebrow at him. I was about to say something when Ibironke came out of the bathroom and took up a seat by the book shelf. I forgot what I wanted to say.

Let’s make it a late night movie. ICM, Ozone or Leisure mall?“..Wahidi continued.

Ozone ke? Abeg, that’s a dead place. Thanks to Unilag students. ICM is often too crowded. Let’s make it Leisure mall jare..I’d check their movie schedule and let you guys know later“…Seyi reeled out

Now what was the best way to go about this o, I stole a glance at Ibironke and the way her boobs were straining against that jersey ehn, I couldn’t explain.

How far, make we dey go..those guys go don dey wait for us“…abeg, dem born me and this Wahidi of a boy together ni? I didn’t say anything, we’d talk later. I just stood up, dusted myself and walked to the door. I turned back in time to see Wahidi shaking Ibironke’s hand.

So Madam Seyi and Ibironke, we’d be seeing you guys later“..and the fool winked at Ibironke.

That’s it! I needed to buy rat poison straight up!

BODE….Funny Blackky was still smiling at his phone while I ordered up a drink and found a corner to sit. He was just following my motions without taking his eyes off his phone. Well that was his business, I took a sip out of my drink and went back to thinking of a perfect solution to my problem. I had better get a place close to my office so it’d be all easy for me.

Bode“…huh, Blackky actually spoke.

I turned to look at him…the smile was no longer on his face.

Yep, what’s up?“…

You know say girls useless sha“…his next comment.

Who doesn’t know that? It’s obvious na“…

No no, no be everybody know..asin them useless useless gan“…

Ok now something wasn’t right, I was sure he wasn’t about to talk about my issue with Yemisi. So now I turned all my attentions to him.

What happened?“…I asked

See o, e get this girl wey I add up for one bbm group like that. We begin dey relate na, we even don hookup once wey she come abuja. Omo if you see the girl ehn, tall, fair, flawless skin. She come get big bobbi join.”..

  His point?….

Ok, I sha let this girl know say I wan fuck am. After much legover and dribble sha, she talk her mind o..and I shock“…

What did she say?”…

He took my cup out of my hands and took a sip out of my drink. What was so big he was taking time to say?

She say she no fit fuck me o till I do HIV test and she see the result“..What?! I bursted out laughing…

Ahan HIV test just to fuck her? She should have asked to see your bank account statement sef na“….

Na so I see am ooo“..

So what did you do?”..I collected my drink back.

I bone o..close eye say if man wan catch monkey, man must think like I go one lowkey clinic for area go arrange HIV test result“..

Wait, wait…you didn’t do the test?“.

Test bawo, see this Bode o! Why I go do test? I just give one nurse two thousand arrange test result.”

I shook my head…what wouldn’t guys do to get laid?

“I sha mail her the test results o“..

Good good..and then”..

The girl don gree…she say she dey come lagos next weekend“..

Correct“..I slapped his back.

“Cool down jor! Correct bawo. The girl give me conditions join the matter again“…


What conditions?“…

Number one, na Eko hotel I go lodge her for the weekend“..


Number two, na only for night we go fuck and that na if she go dey the mood o


Third and last, she say no be me go fuck she go fuck me”…

What does that mean? Are they not the same thing?“..

“Ode ni bobo Bode yii sha. No wonder those ashewos scam you. She go fuck me mean say na slave and master matter. Na me go be the slave“..

I stared at him for a while and without saying anything I passed the drink back to him, he needed it more than I did right now.

Written by BASS (Twitter – @olumiCFC )

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