When matured enough for a relationship, one majorly pivotal consideration that we very likely have to deal with is the question of our stand on the predestination of our matching with our love interest.
No one wants to get hooked up with a partner that will only bring more regrets than pleasure in a relationship. Therefore, whatever route it may take to choose the ‘right’ person, we follow – in desperation, commonly. If culture has much to say on this, the church is very well our favorite destination.
Phrases like ‘missing rib’, ‘bone of my…’, ‘sugar in my blah blah’ have been subjectively gilded to suit the self-portraying definition of what our significant other should be to us. In our best, we believe in the concept of having got it right when our heartthrob fits the pre-wired description we’ve set but when pushes come to shoves (not those friendly, smallfist-to-shoulder shoves), we hastily question our choice of reasoning and our choice itself. For instance, the man Lady X shares the same bed with today now seem more of a puzzle than a partner, but rewind three years ago, he was God’s answer to her prayers. Now she has sleepless, ‘back-to-back’ nights wondering where she got it all…poof!
It’s baloney to ignore these fluctuations in marital or courtship matter. In relationships, trouble arises, lovers quarrel, not-so-pleasant words are exchanged, and people make up. Whether it be a major or minor conflict, it’s improbable that when such matter crops up that that’s a subtle no-no for any relationship. In fact, our attitude to those little peeves in our relationship is what determines if it’s a GO or a NO.
That said, let’s hark back to tackling the issue of fore ordainance in relationships, especially those that lead to marriage.
Are there really people who, before birth, have been destined to live together as husband and wife?
We can have as many answers to that as there are people in the world, but we can’t ignore a few things that stand out:
1) Location: No two places are the same. And no certain type of people in a locale behaves identically with people from a different locale. We often hear stories of how a man promises to marry a girl in his country and on getting overseas, hits it off with another girl, whom he eventually gets married to. We’ve also heard of Europeans coming way down to Africa and getting married. It’s no twist of fate in anyone’s favor. It’s no divinely led call to action. It’s called selective matching or, if you like, choice. For all the mushy talk and whispers of love I might render my partner here, it’s most likely that if I were in another country, I could as well be whispering those words into a different ear. Point being, it’s surprising that even as such cases are prevalent, people still go ahead to believe that there are two people specially made for each other. That you feel happy and heaven-high with your current partner projects little cogency to call it a predestined matching. That same person you believe now you could die for could also believe he/she could die for someone else were you not fortunate to be together by geographical happenstance.
2) Polygamy: Marriage, in some part of the world, is not the union between a man and a woman. It’s either the union between a man and women or a woman and men. It’s called polygamy. In spite of the slim need to further buttress this point, I’ll say a few things. Men have engaged in polygamy from time immemorial and quite a sizable sum have managed to pull it off and hold to the end and still breed a successful family, so to speak. If we should say there are two people made for each other, shouldn’t we question why polygamy is still common today? A man can marry three wives, bear children thrice that figure, get old with those three women (and children), and interestingly, the multilateral relationship doesn’t crash. How can two people be meant for each other, yet when a third party comes in, the trio’s compatibility still seem pre-planned?
3) And God Said…: In virtually every (Christian) family today, when asked about how a couple ends up getting married, the popular response is always about how God had corroborated their compatibility by a prophetic administration from a local pastor or an obtrusive message from a vivid night dream. Let’s take a look at Prov. 18:22:
”He who finds a wife finds a good thing”
An analytical run-through over that text would reveal the activity the man has to do in finding a wife. God is not talkative, and I think one reason he gave us a mind is to use it.
Those tripe talk about God telling you who to marry is more of sating a hierarchical culture that has blown too wide and far. Of course, we have to pray for guidance, but God has clearly given us no chance to be passive in this decision of finding a spouse.
And if He has, how can He then foreordain two people whom He has given the blessing of free-will?