Because we crave attention and companionship, we are scared of being alone, we let glaring signs slide. A toxic partner or a relationship doesn’t manifest itself suddenly. It’s gradual. We see the signs and we ignore. Sometimes hoping we can change our partner or tolerate their excesses. It keeps going, it gets to a place we cannot recognize, then we begin to wonder how we got here. There are people who aren’t good for you for an intimate or serious relationships. Not because they are bad people, but because you two are just not compatible. Compatibility in those tiny things of life we choose to ignore or call ‘small’. There is no ‘small’ or ‘unnecessary’ in relationships. Every little thing should be discussed, communicated and understood. I understand compromise and sacrifice are important for a healthy long lasting relationship, but when the compromise and sacrifices begin to threaten your mental peace and general well-being, it’s time to ask yourself if it’s really worth it. Here are people you should never go into a serious relationship with:
People who can’t leave the past in the past.
Carrying baggage from the past into your present relationship is a red flag. Some claim to have dropped all baggage but they have formed the habit of visiting the baggage wherever they dropped them, regularly. Their decisions on how they act, react and treat their partner always comes from consulting the baggage they claim to have left. They can’t get over how many guys you have slept with, they feel you going to cheat on them when you say you hanging with them boys just because their ex-boyfriend did the same thing, etc. the present is never the present without being tied somehow to the past. This is wrong and while the man or woman needs to work through their insecurities and pain from the past, you don’t have to bear the heat. Well, except you choose to.
The concept of body shamming is becoming really deep and a cause for concern. As much as we understand the changes the body of a woman can undergo during and after childbirth, it’s advisable to choose the woman who fits your idea of body goals and can work towards maintaining it. if what makes you tick is a tall, dark handsome man, you have no business dating a short rounded potbellied man or one who won’t put in work to remain cool in the coming years. Neither do you, as a man, have any business with thick women if you want a petite wife. It’s just not acceptable. Except your plan is to perpetually cheat on your partner or be miserable all your life then be my guest.
Dating someone who does not allow you the luxury of making mistakes or give second chances is you walking around on egg shells. People make mistakes. However, our abilities to learn from our mistakes is the strength we should look out for.
If he or she is someone who wants to control every bit of your life then you are in trouble. Yes I said it – trouble. They want to control your look, your job, your movement, your friend, your smile, your decision, etc. then you should run from such a person except that’s really what you want.
Zero Support Partner
Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t at least try to support your hustle and drive even if they don’t understand it is a no no. if you want him or her for the sex, awesome, remember to use a condom though. But for a lifetime relationship, you need to be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with a partner who doesn’t support your big career decisions in any way.
I kinda believe that every couple gossip. Now that is not the problem because this gossip can be sweet and like I say – it makes the world go round. But when your partner is a huge fan of gossip and listens to what every tom, dick and harry has to say about your person without defending or out rightly putting a stop to it, then there is a problem.
Love is give and take. You cannot continue giving, giving and giving without getting anything in return and you think you will be fine and the relationship will be ok. No it won’t, we are humans and human beings crave reciprocation. Reciprocation sustains affection. If you are dating someone who cannot give, no matter how small, in cash or in kind, this is not a good sign. Some are even stingy to themselves. I have raised this conversation on twitter and people claimed giving is just one love language and there are other love language that doesn’t involve giving and I was shocked. Any love language that exempts giving is not a love language.
A person with no confidence will take every feedback or correction wrongly. Even when you make efforts to not sound like you are critiquing, they still feel little and broken. A person who isn’t self-confident becomes the critique. They try to illuminate your negatives just to make themselves feel better. It’s hard dating a no confidence man or woman but you can try if you want to.
use the comment section to add to the list…Lets learn. or join me on twitter – @elsieisy
Feature image source – StepToHealth
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