Do not discuss Mr. A’s weakness with Mr. B. This doesn’t even have to do with morals but saving your head.
It took me years to finally learn this lesson. I can be very quiet but I’m free spirited. I used to be quick to share my experience on a job or while dealing with a person. I open up cos I believe we can all get experience from other people’s experience. I share my experience and observation not from a place of hate or that I want who I’m telling to refrain from the person. I do this to guide or just to vent (Yes, a sister needs peace). That a person treated me in a particular way does not mean he or she will treat you same way, but pick the lessons from my own experience and thread carefully.
Some months ago, a friend told me what she heard a friend say about me to a certain boss. I was shocked and confused. Of course I never expected this friend to say such things about me no matter the circumstance. This friend came to his own conclusion from my personal outburst to him and thought it was wise to talk about my opinion or why I made whatever decision to the very person in the center of that decision.
Well, you’d expect me to ask but I didn’t. I was hurt but I contained it. That very incident taught me to keep my opinions to myself and stick to my rule – Never say things you won’t say to a person’s face behind their back. No matter who they are.
Have I stopped being friends with this friend of mine? No I have not and I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
I realised most people will say anything to get into some people’s good book without thinking carefully. They are willing to drag you under the bus just to be the new cool. I have also noticed that such relationship never last and they tend to fall out sooner or later but to avoid my person being painted in a bad way, I would rather keep my observations and experience to myself.
The fact that my friend spilled does not exactly mean he had bad intentions for me, he is actually one of the best friends I have but human nature can be very un-controlling. You find yourself spilling things you shouldn’t. Perhaps to set records straight or to vindicate your friend. We do things that we think right but wrong in the actual sense of it. We are humans and we must learn to tolerate our strength and weaknesses as we journey through life.
So before you say anything, before you share opinions especially about other people, Pause. Think. Edit what you’re about to tell A about B. Some fires are lit when drawing your personal map; you light them elsewhere, they’ll burn all in their path. Keep your thoughts and experience for your guide only. Learn diplomacy. Never let people use few truth from you to mold mansion of lies. Being vindicated is becoming a luxury these days.