#LoveLiteratiContest – ‘Uncontrollable’ by Lawal Barakat

Love Literati contest - shortlisted submission - elsieisy blog

It started like a dream

An uncontrollable one

You were the first of many

 bursting in without warning

your patience never wore thin

While breaking my barricade

that others failed to see

time passed on and on

your secret smiles to me

your constant teasing,

our friendly banter,

our meaningful arguments,

even our epic little fights

our back and forth

you trying your best

me trying to resist

while knowing inside

you’ve started being everything

everything I’ve ever wanted

you tore my walls apart

there’s a saying

that whatever’s forbidden

you only like more and more

cos that’s what this is

completely and utterly forbidden

Every moment I try

Everyday I pray

But none of these have eased

the feeling growing deeper

As time passes on

I tell myself I’m weak

But I know

Only when it comes to you

Someone once told me

When you love someone

You give them power to destroy your soul

I’ve given up my soul

Cos I know by now

I’m irrevocably in love

With everything about you

You’re not just “the one”

you’re the only one

Cos you’ve ruined me

For anyone else

Cos none compares to you

I try and try

People tell me

There’s lot of other men outside

Just pick one

They think I’m weird

They think I’m picky

they can’t seem to understand

I can’t also understand

that you’ve raised my standard

Far above anyone

One day I woke up

with the realization

that there’s someone else

have you ever seen glass exploding

Into million tiny pieces

have you ever seen the night

A dark night

A lonely night

A cold night

If you haven’t

I’ve got the perfect replica

In my heart

My dark heart

My lonely heart

My cold heart

My shattered heart

My disintegrating heart

You tell me I’ve changed

But this is just me

trying and trying

to gather the broken pieces of my heart

I realized something

No matter how hard I try

I can’t pick up every single piece

Cos you’ve stolen some from me

So I ask you

Can I have my heart back?

Can I have my smile back?

Can I have my soul back???

I try to be brave

I try to gather every piece I can

Cos there’s nothing else to do

than to keep trying

I remember those feelings

the same feelings

That got me in this mess

The same feelings

that changed everything

The same feelings

that ruined me utterly

the same feelings

That are now caged inside

The same feelings

Fighting hard

To be let out

 the same feelings

You seem to miss

The same feelings

that reminds me constantly

Of your soothing voice

your teasing smile

your warm touch

and the butterflies and tingles

that seem to erupt

at the slightest sight of you

The same feelings

that have died inside

Never to be awakened anymore

And when you seem to be back

those same feelings tell me that

It’s too late

Too too late.

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