Should I leave him or give him another chance?

should-i-leave-him-or-give-him-another-chance-dear-elsians-elsieisy-blog

Hello Elsians, *clears cobwebs*

How are you doing? *kills cockroach*

*whew* Been a while we visited this segment on the blog. I need a janitor. *coughs* I got this email some days ago and I decided to share this one.

I am counting on you not to let me let this lady down. She is counting on me and I am counting on you. That’s how the world go round. Simply share your opinion/advice using the comment box below. Thank you. Please be blunt, critical but nice.

I met this guy at my workplace, as at the time, he told me he was in a relationship with a girl spanning 8yrs, but claims he no longer has feelings for the girl.

Fast forward, he travelled abroad for his masters, before he travelled, he proposed to the girl, I got to know from a mutual friend because he deleted me off his bbm.

I let go and went on with my life, he tried to reach me but I shut him out. When he came back after a year, he kept trying to make us friends, and then we started talking, I guess after a while, they started having issues and she returned the ring, meanwhile he spends all of his time with me, he further mentioned that we should get back together, I hesitated at 1st but then we got back together, we have never had sex, he shows support most of the time, though we make out.

The issue now is, he still talks 2 the girl, they borrow each other money and he sends her airtime. I told him I wasn’t interested in him and broke up with him when I noticed all of that and he just came up with “its difficult for him 2 make everyone forget the 9yrs they been together because most of his friends still try to make them come back together and he feels like she would be devastated”.

Came back begging and said they only have a casual relationship and he’s ready to do anything to make it work. I have met his brother and when I insisted on meeting his parents, he invited me to a gathering where I saw them and just related but he didn’t officially introduce me, he said we would schedule a day to go to his parent’s house.

Now the issue is, just last week he mentioned his friend talking to him about his 9yrs relationship and he told me he needed the weekend to think, I got furious and cut off communication with him cos I thought he had decided, but he came up with he wants to be with me after I started ignoring him.

He keeps calling and saying he’s decided to be with me and for me to meet his parents, but I still checked and he sent the other girl airtime. My question now is, what should I do, should I just forget about him, even though it’s quite hard because we used to spend all of our free times together and we still clash at some regional meetings at work or should I give him another chance?

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12 comments

  1. I say this with every sense of seriousness and reliability – you don’t need a one-time advice on this matter.There are things you fist need to work through within yourself before taking on what is around you.I won’t lie and say this is going to be easy, but if you apply yourself, it will be worth it in the end.You are up against serious odds and no simple answer or decision will suffice. A wise man once said “all is fair in love and war”.Here’s my question for you, are you ready?

  2. I think this is a guy that will give you ex problems if u get serious with him. He isn’t ready to let her go and trust me 9 years really isn’t easy to forget. You have to make a choice; sacrifice ur sanity and stay or move on and pray your own man comes for you..

    1. Seriously oo.. I foresee ex problems… He might even jilt her so as to go back to his ex… They are many other loving men out there.. Save your self the stress biko.

  3. It’s very clear that your boyfriend still has feelings for her… The biggest mistake you can make is trying to force him to get over her.. You have to ask yourself whether this relationship makes you feel happy, secure and valued…. You can work it out if you’re patient enough but as for me ooo, to avoid stories that touch the heart, I’ll say leaving your boyfriend opens the door to finding the right man — one who doesn’t have feelings for another woman.

  4. I advice you leave. they have been going back and forth each other, and will likely continue like that even if he marries you.it appears you love him but having his ex interfare and all that is something I won’t advice for you. it seems he runs to you when they have issues. instead of working it out, he seeks distraction. not a good trait in a spouse. apparently the other girl is known in his family and friends and they are rooting for her. so please move on. forget him. brace up and relate with him professionally at meetings and all.e-hugs for you dear.

  5. I think you need to take a much longer break. Tell him to actually try and make things work with his ex. Infatuation never lasts long. If he truly loves you, even if he’s with another woman for a long period of time, he’ll find his way back but if not he’ll just stick with her. During the break,also try to see other men yourself. Its all about having a contingency.

  6. I really really believe in putting yourself first before anyone else. You need to take care of yourself in the sense that you really need to think and decide what you want, we can only give you advice but eventually it all boils down to what you truly want therefore if you think that he’s not ready to be with you then why hesitate, please save yourself the pending hurt and heartbreak and leave.

  7. I think the guy is having an issue with letting go of his past relationship and that’s a red flag for me.

  8. Like Lawlarh said, think of you first right now. This is the best time to be selfish. Cos once d ink is dry u start putting family (husband) 1st b4 u do anything. Some people get married and discover waitin another year or two wouldn’t have killed dem. If dis relationship is goin where u tink it is den give him some space and ask urself if u want him despite his ex issues. If he’s d love of ur life u can still hav anoda “love of ur life,” happens all the time. Wish u wisdom and strength 🙂

  9. Hello Dear poster, stop playing the second fiddle… He’s playing with you emotionally, psychologically et al… You need to move on cos I feel he’s not ready to leave his ex for you and maybe when they have issues he finds comfort with you or something… Or could it be possible he’s trying to get the cookie and once the cookie crumbles he’ll then tell you he needs time to think… Bla Bla Bla. Be Wise!

  10. This is beyond literature.. . M nt rili a lover of stories buh dis made me change my orientation on that.. Kip up d good work.. And u will go places

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