Clcik here for previous episodes of Excapades of a social media addict

“You fuck girl for Zoo” had been the topic before I slept off. Was tired AF.

Waking up to the blaring sounds of generators in the compound can be annoying. This Lead City students ehn! I have already told Dayo to look for another apartment outside this hostel. This peeps were just not it!

I stretched my hand and picked my phone. Looked at the time, and it was past 1am. I have been asleep for almost 5 hours and this doesn’t happen often. Lemme read my pings. Salewa had ping’d over 10times thanking me for yesterday..”Sighs” I should be the one thanking her. I was the one who got head in a Zoo. Saw a ping from Dayo, he was at work already, didn’t wanna wake me when I was sleeping..

Good. Read some other flimsy ones before deciding the heat was getting too much. Time to put on the Gen and make some noise of my own! Got out of the room, crossed the pavement and bent down to put on the gen. “Let fuel be in it sha”. Phew, there was fuel……was about pulling it on when I noticed some shadow movement in a corner. Hope say no be armed robbers, i quickly switched off my phone (that’s the most valuable thing with me) and started walking towards the corner.

  Wait! One mind told me, who the fuck did I think I was? 007 or Jason Bourne? What if it was actually robbers? Hmm I shook off the thought, it was probably a student coming out to get his/her gen on. Getting closer and I started hearing funny sounds. The sounds were like that of someone panting, like seriously couldn’t be what I was thinking. I moved closer and on turning the corner saw a very crazy scene. A girl was facing the wall..her hands stretched in front of her.. She was on only a bra and a skirt that had bin raised over her ass and a guy was behind really fucking her brains out.. I quickly stepped back before I was noticed. Took a deep breathe…

“Wait,wait. I think I saw someone” the girl’s voice.

  “No one..probably someone in their room”..

LMAO!!!!!……………Well what sorta excuse are you expecting from a guy in action. I was pretty sure he wasn’t ready to stop match at half-time. Few seconds and the panting sounds were back..this time with a lot of moaning and groaning.

                   “Don’t release in me oo” the girl said between moans.

Weyreh, how many guys do you think have learnt the withdrawal method properly (if you’re a guy and you haven’t learnt the “WITHDRAWAL METHOD” then you’re a LEARNER). It was a gift.

  “Spank my ass plss” this girl was really going at it.

And I started getting hard, decided to walk away before one stupid mind makes me walk up to them and say I wanna enter next set.

 Walked back to the room, didn’t even bother about the gen again. Had another idea. Opened Dayo’s fridge, there was also alcohol..this case, almost a full bottle of absolute Vodka. “Sighs” no juice or anything..I hate drinking raw vodka but in this case I had no choice. I picked the vodka, picked 2 cups and went back outside to the Verandah.. Placed everything on the railings, pour myself a cup and started sipping. Awww cool breeze..Baba God sef know as e dey go.

 Was there for about 10mins when I saw someone walking towards me..it was the fucking guy, time to put plan in action. As he walked up to me and greeted, I replied and said.

       “Chairman, abeg you get any oil for gen, na small I get and e no go do?”

              “Oo sorry bros, I no even get gen” ..

…….no wonder he was fucking out in the open. And I was ready to bet the girl wasn’t his girlfriend.

                “o sorry, no vex jare..this Nepa no even wan allow person sleep”

                “Na so jare, na naija we dey”

“Omo join me oo..at least if light no dey, we still fit dey maintain body” I said as I pushed the extra cup to him. Gave him the bottle to help himself (Note: Its really hard for a guy who has just finished fucking to turn down alcohol).

   As he was pouring out the drinks, the girl was coming, obviously she had needed more time to get her skirt back on. She mumbled some greeting and just walked past and went straight to the guy’s room.

         “Oo ur wife dey around?” I asked absent minded

       “Na, at all..na my friend, she get problem, she just con crash my side for the night” …a big drinker, he had poured out almost a full cup and was gulping not sipping sef.

  “E dey happen sha..my name’s Mayowa” I said as I stretched out my hand to him…

The dude introduced himself as Chuks..student of Lead City, based in Lagos..blah blah..I was more interested in the girl he had just fucked against the wall. He gisted me about her, still on the line that she was his friend and she needed a place to crash story. Told him I’d love to know her though. He laughed and said maybe later (meaning lailai). We talked for a while before he left for his room. I put on the gen and went back inside to start sleep round 2. Before leaving Dayo’s place the next morning, I gisted him the whole parole, his eyes kept shining at every sentence (the boy needed serious help!).

The week has really been sorta boring, like seriously. Spent most of the days on Twitter scrolling down my TL, was a bit fun though, for an addict like me Twitter is always fun on Saturday and Sunday because there must be something extraordinary happening either a twit-fight or a trending topic and today happens to be one of those days, 2 girls were twit-fighting over a guy. And the rate at which girls throw themselves at these boys is crazy, believe me. The twitfight got boring after a while..they kept calling themselves names that we already knew..hoe, prostitute..etc etc. Stale!

Sunday evening, I decided to ping Dayo, he would have some crazy plans (since Salewa hadn’t buzzed yet about the sleep over tingy)..

            “Guy,how va?” My ping..waited about 5minz b4 I got..

            “Bobo,I gentle oo,how tinz”

            “You no go work ni?”

            “Nah,I sick..neva go work 4 2dayz now”

           “Huh,wetin do u?!”

           “That ur badoo girl give me Gono ni sha”.

            “Weyreh ooo! You don fuck am?!”

(The Badoo girl that wanted 5K for a fuck..I had given Dayo the girl’s name on badoo)

           “Omo yes oo, na overnight we do sef”

         “Guy, you don mad. So you give am 5k to fuck..inshort, chill, I dey come your side now”.

I dropped my phone and went to get shorts and shirt on. 30 minutes later I was at his door, he came to open the door wearing boxers only. Instinctively, my eyes went down to his dick region. Errr what are the effects of Gono? My head kept asking..brought my face back up sharply before he started thinking I had gone gay.

                 “You don go hospital?”

                  “Yea, them don give me drugs, I just dey sleep anyhow”

     “Wait, so you actually bring the girl come house. Fuck am then give am 5k then collect Gono in return..that’s  nice”

        “You dey mad, no be you give me the girl?”

He laughed, seems Gonorrhea isn’t life-threatening after-all because the smile on his face didn’t suggest one that would make me think it was a really serious case. Never actually met someone who has STDs..we just always read the warnings and blah blah. Wanted to ask him how his dick felt or was it itching him but how the fuck do you ask your fellow guy about his dick?.

     “But wait oo, you know say you daft? How u go fuck Oscabo (Yoruba slang 4 prostitute) without condom?”     

“Na 1st round we use condom, I no even get time. The girl sabi fuck ehn” 

“Yes I can see, na why you don get gono na”..

  Just then someone knocked at the door. He went to get it.

 “Ahh, Bimbo..come in na”..

I turned to look at who Bimbo was and fuck me, it was the girl Chuks  fucked against the wall the other night.

 “Mayo, come mit my new wife” there was a mischievous grin on his face as his said it. 

“Shuu, hello madam”

 I painted a very nice smile on my face sharply. I wanted to add “I think we have met before” but decided to lock-up

              “Hi”

Short reply, she was acting all shy. I wondered if it wasn’t the same girl that was getting fucked against the wall the other night. Issorai, gonna watch where this is leading. I walked up to Dayo’s TV, put it on and also the play station. Game on…..

Written by Bass (Twitter – @bass_ige)