The Ex Factor – 24

The Ex Factor - elsieisy blog

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Look into the mirror. Talk to the person you think is just a reflection and realize it’s more than what you think it is.

I lay still on my three sitter comfy couch and enjoyed 2face’s “rainbow” and then Black eyed pea’s “Don’t phunk with my heart” at the same time as I was trying my best to doze off into the dream world.

A world where your troubles and emotional burdens are not allowed. Where you could be sitting on the throne and commanding hundreds of thousands of your subjects as you want. Where nothing could stop you from pulling any stunt you want to pull. A world I could relax and re-energize before coming back to the physical, hustle filled one. Where everyone wants to go, except those being followed from their village. Those ones really get scared when they doze or its time for bed. Everybody is supposed to like sleeping… To an extent because oversleeping can attract poverty to you, or you to poverty.

I once said in one of my articles that you can never be Mr. Sleep-a-lot and be Mr. Rich-a-lot. Never!… You’ve just got to hold on to one.

I slowly dozed off and everything around me … And by everything I meant the sound coming from my LG home theatre was starting to fade out when suddenly my phone rang.

“Arrrggh!… Shit!… This is why I hate putting this stupid dumb phones around me. And who the heck is this?!” I grumbled as I picked up my phone to check who the caller was.


“Hello Jay!… There’s really good news. Good news!… You’ll be glad to hear this. Believe me.”

“Calm down guy!… You just disrupted my sleep. Don’t add more trouble by blabbing. What’s up?”

“It’s June bro… She just spoke to me not quite long ago and she told me I’m free to go. I really didn’t understand what she meant but she explained that she had suffered a miscarriage.”

“Like seriously?” I cut in.

“I’m not kidding you bro. She categorically told me this herself and believe me, at first I felt very bad and sorry for her but it’s like mother nature was on my side all along. Believe me… After the call, I looked on the bright side and realize I’m free!… Free!… Free like a bird. No more forceful ties and thinking like I’m being paid to think.”

“You’re really lucky man.”

“I’m telling you.”

“Now you can move to your next ex and select a new rendezvous for some new escapades. Isn’t it?”

“Is you mad bro?… Nah! That ain’t gon’ happen no more. Too much stress and headache. I done learn my lesson.”

I laughed at his forced, very unfitting black American English. We talked for a few more minutes and called it a call.

I laid back smiling at the sincerity in his voice although he tried to make it sound funny but he really had grabbed some lessons.

Stromae’s “formidable” was gently soothing me back to sleep when my phone rang again.

I stood up, grabbed my s4, smashed it on the floor, jumped over the pieces in small quick jumps around three or four times just to make sure and went back to sleep… In my mind.

“Hello? Who’s this?”

“Is this one alright?… Who are you asking who is this?… I have good news bro & I’m sure you want to hear it.”

“Doc, I’m trying to sleep in the afternoon for once. Didn’t you recommend siesta one time like that?”

“Mature minds don’t sleep. Hehehe!… So, guess what it is!”

Before I could tell Doc to put the gist on hold till later when I’m awake and ready to listen to him, he continued.

“My fiancée is travelling back home next week bro. She’s through with her program and that’s even since last month. She said she’s been arranging her stuffs but I know it’s a lie. She just doesn’t want to leave her numerous friends behind but her stay is finally over. Either she leaves or she’s been escorted out of UK. Hehehe.”


“Now you can get to meet her and see who it is I’ve always talked about.” Doc continued, determined to say it all. “…and you can ask her all those your silly questions you’ve always asked me.”

“That’s great news Doc. Keep me apprised on her movements. Ok?”

“Yea, sure bro… And you know what again?”

I instantly removed the phone from my ear, rubbed on my shirt a few times and returned it back.

“Hello?… Hel… Hello? Doc, can you hear me?”

I didn’t wait as I quickly remove the phone, repeated the process and hit the red button. I lay back with a sigh, also determined to get this sleep.

“I must sleep ‘cos I didn’t deprive my mother of sleep.”

I had not finished redressing myself in the couch when the phone rang again.

“I thought I turned this thing off… Oh no!, I didn’t. Am I’m stupid myself? Doc! Did they send you to me from the village? Arrrghh!” I was at a medium level of frustration and I stood up to switch the phone off, even if he’ll fight me later…

“Hello” I said clearing my throat.

“Hi dear, how are you?”

“I’m fine. You?”

“I’m okay”


“She’s fine. You just bother to call me since that day. Why?… Are we quarrelling?”

“No ma’am. I’m just following instructions.”

I did the best I could to reply everything Liz said in the coldest way possible and obliged to her request of going to see her after begging me like never before. In a few minutes, I was dressed up and ready to leave. I still wouldn’t have agreed to see her except for Dorothy. Both hands on the wheel, a deep sigh of frustration at the fact that I still never got that sleep, I started my car and zoomed off.


As I drove back from Lizzy’s place, later that same evening, I knew that would most likely be the last time I’m going to intentionally see her. Am I still going to see her? Yes!… But it would definitely be just bumping into her maybe at an event, a mall, the cinema, or we might just both be driving by and give ourselves a distant and hypocritical wave.

“So that’s the guy!” I thought as I made a sharp left turn.

“But why?… Why make drive down all the way just to introduce me to your just returned hubby?” Truth be told to myself, It was an ambivalent feeling ‘cos it was a really good thing when your man comes back to take responsibility for you and your child, but it’s not so cool if you’re in my shoes, already in love with a lady, looking past the fact that she’s a single mum, even already loving her daughter as your own.

I re-visualised the occurrence of the past couple of hours.

“Uncle Jay!” Dorothy screamed and ran into my arms as I lifted her up, tickled her a little and exchanged pleasantries.

“How are you Jay?” Liz said, giving me slight side hug as she collected Tammy from my arms.

She began apologising for how she had handled the events of the past few weeks, apologies not really needed ‘cos I wasn’t even vexed. Just felt swept aside, which won’t be a strange or new feeling for me. She continued and repeated a few words over and over again and I knew something was at the brink of her lips and she wanted to say it but didn’t know how to. She beat around the bush a few more times and I decided to help out.

“So how’s your husband?” I cut in between her stammers and bush beating.

“He’s… He’s fine. He’s even inside.”

Immediately, I felt like disappearing. Not from fear but from embarrassment.

“He’s what?… Inside?”

“Yes. I’ve even told him you’re around but he’s praying and should soon join us.”

I glanced at my watch. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind and I knew I just had to get going.

“Well, maybe I’ll have to come back around to see him later then ‘cos Doc called me a couple of hours ago and there’s a new project to attend to. My regards to him.” I stood up and grabbed my car keys.

“Always busy!… Ok then. I’ll tell him you said hi” Liz didn’t know how funny she looked with that forced smile. I chuckled inside.

Just as I grabbed the door handle, a male voice called me from behind.

“Oh no!” I said beneath my breath and turned to meet Dorothy’s dad for the first time.

“I’ve heard so much about you sir.” He said in all smiles, albeit nervous.

“Ah!… There can’t be anything much to say. I’m sure.”

I caught Liz flinch at that statement, as she was still in the scope of my peripheral vision.

We exchanged obviously nervous pleasantries and I had to fight desperately against him trying to make me stay a little bit more. I succeeded, found my way to my car, looked at the three seemingly happy beings on their entrance porch arranged like it was time for a family photograph.

They waved to me and I awkwardly waved back what would definitely be my last wave. I started my car, took a deep sigh and screeched out of their sight… And definitely out of their mind and their life.

Not on extremely rare occasions but sometimes, the only way to show you really love someone is by staying away from them.

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