One of the most painful experiences I’ve had asides losing my parents was coming out of a relationship about two years ago. Love can be fragile especially when there is huge variance in value system between you and the person you are in love with. So, be sure you want to grow through the motions with that person before you start calling them bae.
When mine happened, I wanted the world to stop but it doesn’t revolve around me.
So I thought to share how I came through, and some lessons I learned. I hope it helps.
Accept that it is over
I was in denial for a long time. I’d say he probably just needs a break and would come around. I’ll play scenarios in my head where we get back together and live forever ever after LOL. I couldn’t accept that I had given so much time and resource and all I get back is a break up. But with time I told myself the truth, it was truly over. So I plunged myself into other things but this could be an issue too if not well managed, I’ll explain in the next point.
Don’t try to “get over” it
Unverified research claims it takes 18 months to get over a breakup. I don’t know how true it is, but based on my calculation, it appears close to the truth. After I accepted we were done, I started doing everything to forget him, to make him feel like I was living in spite of him but I was dying. I’ll attend events I had no business attending and hang out with people I wouldn’t go out with. This could be helpful but excess of it can ruin you because it’s not sustainable. At the end, expressing my feelings to friends and loved ones, and even him, helped me a lot.
So, let the pain run its full course. Cry when it comes to it but try to not stay down for long. When the feelings of hopelessness come, remind yourself that you’ll have more than enough love in your lifetime, that you already have people who care and someone else will come. Also, think of all the good times you had and the days they made you feel special or helped you in a big way. Be patient with yourself. It will appear as though the hurt will never end but you will heal.
Fun Fact: Alcohol and drugs will make you feel like shit lol, don’t do it.
I also meditated and prayed a lot, this really helped me. So, if you are into God, leverage on the help of the Holy Spirit.
Don’t Stalk Them
This is a no no, it is almost a crime. Block them on all social media platforms if you have to. You really have no business who they are with or what they are doing with them. I know you care about them but you have to take care of yourself first.
No Breakup Sex
Breakup sex actually makes it more difficult to live through this, just like drugs, it just leaves you feeling worse because you know you won’t be having such intimacy with that person anymore. Why torture yourself more?
Watch what you say
Lastly, please don’t talk about your ex in a bad light especially when there was no abuse. They may be hurting as much as you are as well. Wish them well, recommend them for jobs they qualify for. Be good to them when you run into them in a mall or bus stop. And again, if you are a prayer person, pray for them. This will help your healing too.
Love will happen again and you have learned a lot of lessons from the past no matter how little. I hope with these few points of mine, I’ve been able to convince you that you will be fine.
Leave your comments and thoughts and experiences so others can learn too. Cheers!
by Farida Adamu
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