Talks on Religion, Christianity and Pastors are always interesting and heated in Nigeria. We love our pastors and will always want to fight for them even more than we are willing to fight for ourselves. Sometimes, I wonder how truly blessed Nigeria would have been by now as a country , if we truly lived a Christ like lifestyle, but…
On Crux of the Matter live Tweetchat last Friday, our guest who isn’t a stranger to ELSiEiSY blog and Crux of the Matter, Sally Kenneth Dadzie, dealt on the topic – What Your Pastors Don’t Tell You. Sally is a contributor here on the blog and has been guest on the radio and TV version of Crux of the Matter.
Being a Pastor’s daughter, she tweeted from her personal experience and research done while writing a new book – In the Name of Papa.
Sally Kenneth Dadzie is an award winning Bestselling Author, a blogger and an Editor but considers herself a business woman these days because of bad economy and all. Sally Kenneth Dadzie also enjoys unapologetically telling women to embrace their sexuality. And that’s a lot, coming from a pastor’s kid.
Here is a recap of her conversation with Elsie Godwin on Crux of the Matter Tweetchat session:
There was first a disclaimer:
Before I answer, I’d like to state that whatever I say here doesn’t apply to all pastors, so just in case I don’t say ‘some’, it doesn’t mean I’m referring to all.
And that got us really interested:
Pastors from Sally’s eyes:
I’d say I see a pastor as a human being first. I don’t see them as extraordinary, although some are. Underneath their collars, are everyday people. That’s what pastors are to me. My background probably influences this thinking.
Struggles of an average pastor
- Temptation: We all have this struggle but when folks look up to you as a symbol of uprightness, the bar is set higher than normal
- Privacy: A pastor is a celebrity in his own right. And to some extent, his life is under scrutiny. Think about everyone getting into your business. Their families are not exempted from that lack of privacy. From what the wife wears, to who the kids hang out with, to what cars they drive, to friends they relate with… Their lives are not theirs as much as they would desire.
- Rest and relaxation: Like every demanding job, pastors hardly have time for themselves. A caring pastor considers the needs of his flock first, even before his and most times to the discomfort of his family. Like doctors, they are called at odd hours, they go on hospital visits et all. Conferences and preaching engagements also take up their time.
- Reputation and image: Being that they are constantly under people’s radar, they deny themselves certain luxuries and privileges. They constantly have to be seen in a good light. Even the normal things we do outside can be off limits
- Relationships: Family is always almost neglected in the pursuit of the kingdom. The church comes first and the needs of the congregants sometimes overshadow the needs of family. It’s a constant struggle for them.
Church or Business Venture?
There are pastors there to do what they are called to do and would do everything to ensure that the gospel moves forward. And of course there are those who are there for their selfish needs. We also see that materialism has taken root in many churches today.
The church is a gathering of human beings despite the spiritual side of it. One needs to understand human and social psychology to handle a group of people. When money is involved, you must be business sensitive
You want church growth, you sit and plan and work out a plan. A spirit-filled sermon stirs the giver but a working system ensures that things move forward. A wise church is as business-savvy as it is spiritually-minded. Some churches fail not because God is not with them but because they neglect the human and business angle, relying only on the spiritual. E.g raising funds for church projects. You have to think up strategies to get people to give
From experience, most pastors don’t do a good job at parenting. This is because they are pressured to raise kids to perfection. All eyes are on them. In turn they demand too much of their kids. It’s hard enough that these kids didn’t choose the life of ministry; they now have to conform to people’s perception of what they should be. Hence the rebellion some of them display. Church life daily can be choking for a young adult. And the hypocrisy sometimes displayed by their parents just to fit into the template of holiness and you have unavoidable domestic drama going on in pastors’ homes. It takes serious effort to ensure there’s a balance
On Pastors & Affairs
Lol! Pastors are not allowed these ‘fleshy’ pursuits. But they’re human, aren’t they? Sadly, the flesh fails. There are women who get kicks from tempting pastors. I recall my mom blocking ladies from having access to my dad
These ladies, single and married alike come with gifts of all sorts, claims of demon possession, relationship problems etc. If a pastor is not grounded, he will fall. He has to be very vigilant and steadfast
Wise pastors direct women to their wives, handling only couples and men. And if they must counsel a woman, their wives must be there. No special anointing without discipline can save them
Are Pastors Always Spiritual?
They are not always spiritual. They engage in normal activities as much as their time allows. They advise and make decisions based on their perceptions like everyone else, not everything is spiritual.
As much as people look up to them, they should understand that they are flawed and suffer the same emotions we all do. The unnecessary excessive veneration of men of God is not healthy to them and the church
On Tithes and Offering:
Loool, Elsie! Yes some pastors eat tithes and offerings. We all know about the growing greed we see in churches today. But not all pastors rob their flock. Many of them are well cared for by the congregants. From their clothes, to feeding, to children’s school fees to travel expenses to cars and houses. People willingly handle these needs. They are also paid salaries. A good church ensures that their pastors are comfortable.
Tithing is just one of the offerings God asked of us. There’s more, and many times we don’t even keep up. The tragedy is in not helping the needy around us and waiting for some miracle because we gave only 10%.
When it comes to tithing, I believe it’s a personal decision and no one should be pushed to do it. I don’t believe there’s a curse if one doesn’t tithe. Where it becomes a problem is if you don’t give at all as a Christian
Gospel of Salvation & Love vs Gospel of prosperity:
Greed. The gospel, according to God’s word is complete. It covers all areas of life. Why constantly harp on material gains while neglecting the other areas? But of course, people need to be told they would prosper… They need hope. They need to know that things go better. Many pastors know this and exploit it, fulfilling a scripture which says people will listen to what their itching ears want to hear. Hence the constant materialism.
It’s not bad to teach people the secrets to being prosperous, but when it’s not balanced with the complete word, then there’s a problem. Pastors that focus solely on this want to enrich their pockets because people will give to get.
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