Contrary to how the term – Dating, is used in Nigeria, going on dates with the opposite sex does not necessarily mean you are in a relationship. Neither does it mean you are going to get in bed or get married.
Dating is a stage whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.
You can date a guy or girl for weeks until you decide he or she is suitable for an intimate relationship or not.
Dating can also be a form of social activities done by couples or people already in intimate relationship/are married.
Last Friday on Crux of the Matter, we focused on the former – Dating to check each other’s suitability. We had Sally Suleiman to discuss First Date Attitude on Crux of the matter Tweetchat.
Sally Suleiman @is_salsu is a civil servant and a humanitarian. She is the founder of the Isolycia Foundation, a Non-governmental/profit organization and also works at the Abuja Liaison office of the oil and Gas free Zones Authority. Sally believes in making an impact and a difference in her society. She is an advocate for education and good governance. Sally’s hobbies are playing golf, cooking, reading, reaching out to less privileged, involving in political discussions. She is an aspiring motivational speaker; her dream is to write a book someday, speak at Tedx, be on the cover of Forbes magazine, get a Phd and do her best to alleviate poverty.
Sally is an Alumna of Middlesex University Dubai where she studied international business.
Below is a recap of the Sally Suleiman’s session with Elsie Godwin. On Crux of the Matter Tweetchat:
Suitable environment for a first date
An open place is very important because you are meeting the person for the first time – Your safety matters. Somewhere relaxing with good ambience
Date starts before the first date?
A date in this context means getting to know each other, it works by asking each other questions before the actual physical date.
It depends on your date, if it’s someone you have always wished to be with, then put up your best appearance, spray your best perfume. But if it’s someone who you really don’t fancy but still interested, just look good because something might get you disappointed.
Thinking of what to wear? For people like me who do an 8-5 and want to go on a date after work, wear a nice dress on that day to work, have your makeup for touch up, wear a pop of color on the lips, spray perfume.
For guys, you can take off your tie after work, wipe your face with a hot towel or baby wipes, and spray your perfume.
Here response was very simple – Expect nothing so you won’t be disappointed.
Who should drive the conversation? Which topics should be off limit?
Both of them should drive the conversation, but don’t talk too much. Keep somethings for next time. Body count should be off limit.
Finance: Do you think a man should ask his date to split the bill with him/can a woman offer to split the bill?
No, never! Whether man or woman. If you invite someone on a date don’t ask them to split, if they offer to then good.
Yes, I think there is some sort of respect you get from your date if you offer to split the bill as a lady.
In this part of the world, some men may feel insulted if you ask to split the bill on a first date. What do you think?
I don’t think any man would feel insulted, he would only see you as a responsible lady who has her own.
Is flirting allowed?
Well this depends on how open minded your date is, from the conversation you guys have had you would know if you can flirt.
Bringing up the Genotype and blood group talk on first date?
Yes, absolutely right especially when you are AS like me. You have to know on the first date so you don’t catch feelings where you shouldn’t.
In case she did not or don’t drive, must the man pay the Lady’s transportation fare?
A lady who has already asked if she can split the bill won’t need your transport fare. So please don’t offer to pay her transport fare. She might turn it down but personally I love generous guys, guys who care about everything. Finally it is not a must to give her transport fare or decide to drop her. It depends on how you value and care for her.
Guys, be on sit before your date, she shouldn’t wait for you
Respect your date
Guys, try make your date laugh
Don’t ask about body count
Don’t disrespect the waiter
Don’t talk about all your exs
Smelling good can never be overemphasized, refresh your mouth as well and order what you’re familiar with.
Who should reach out first after the date?
The guy, a simple text about enjoying the date and looking forward to spending more time with her.