Compromise: Who Benefits?

compromise - who benefits - elsieisy blog

Compromise is defined as an agreement or settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions or the expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable. We often hear that lasting relationships require compromise. In fact, I have heard this more in my life time from men who were trying to let me know their expectation of me or whatever form of relationship they had in mind. What majority fail to understand is that, just like every other thing in life, compromise cannot be one sided. It has to be give and take.

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It is true that if we want a healthy relationship, we cannot always have our way but the need to strike a fair balance cannot be over emphasized. In a loving relationship, each person should never aim or do things which are capable of putting the other person in harm’s way or be perceived to be taking advantage of the other.

In compromising, you must also be sure of not slipping to the dark side because it has the ability to set you up for resentment. You have to be sure that your decision to compromise on certain things are based on your personal conviction and beliefs. And not because of an external standard from society or a member of your family.

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In other to not get resentful or regret your actions, your motives/intentions have to be pure. More importantly, you should have a standard. A person without standards is most of the times confused about what they want for themselves and their relationship. From religion, to culture, lifestyle and other various factors. As long as you have standards, you know when not to cross the line and if you have to, how far, above and beyond you would go to maintain your personal peace and mental health. You need to feel free to be yourself, to want what you want and express your desires without fear of criticism, shame, or retribution. Also, you know the type of person you want in your space or who is suitable to become your partner on different levels.

However, the question still remains for some – how much compromise is too much? And I will say that in the end, you both should be able to say we compromised. Emphasis on WE

And a quote from Mark D. White on psychology today says that, “Little compromises are natural and unavoidable, but be careful not to give up too much of what is important to you for the sake of a relationship that should help to affirm who you already are.”

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