#BlogFest #50DaysCountDownTo2015 – DAY 17. Written by @wickedstepmami , She blogs at

Today, I bring you the first part of the chronicles of a lobatian. Lobatian is simply a slang for synthetic or fake if you may. I bring you the chronicles of a lobatian I knew personally; her name for the purpose of this story is Mimi. I met her for the first time a few years ago in school;

She was a friend of my friend josh. I always viewed her as a weirdo, she barely came to school, and when she managed to come, she comes into the faculty looking like someone who was attacked by evil birds. I knew she was above 25 years but what I did not know was that I was going to have an encounter with her in the near future.

I bumped into her and josh discussing about a cab and I joined in, she kept emphasizing on the fact that she lived in G.R.A with her boyfriend and took a cab every day to school which would normally cost more than a thousand naira. I’m not a fan of living with a man but she’s an adult and can make decisions for herself. After that encounter, she was extremely nice to me so I was nice to her as well.

In a week, she came to school with bruises on her face; turns out her boyfriend beat her. I felt sorry for her, I even advised her to leave him and she agreed. After 2 weeks, she called me and pleaded with me to accommodate her for just two weeks until she finds a house to rent, as a fool that I was I said yes, (but if I dint say yes, how else will I bring you this story 😀 ). She moved into my self-contain with her bags and a few belongingsand that is where it all started.

That evening she offered to cook for me, I was relievedbecause I was so tired that day. I stood by her side to help her out with the cooking. She put the rice in the pot and poured water, palm oil, put maggi, pepper, salt, thyme, and the whole smoked fish without washing it or removing the head. I almost cried because she was cooking at least 5 cups of rice. Her phone rang and she answered, the voice asked her what she was doing and she said she was cooking for me, I could hear the dude’s response “please don’t kill her oh”. I started praying to God for forgiveness of my sins ( -̩̩̩͡˛ -̩̩̩͡ ) , I didn’t want to die like this. God, in his infinite mercy saved me and sent my friend to come to my room and I escaped from the room and returned late that night.

My poor neighbor who partook of the meal called me to herroom, I could see she was in pains; her eyes were red andswollen. When she told me that she ate the food, I couldn’thelp it I started laughing to the extent that she got angry. Then I stopped and pleaded with her to take yellow and red capsules.

I sincerely believed my predicaments were over, (⌣́_⌣̀) but Iwas wrong. I went back to my room by 11pm and found her asleep. The mistake I made was sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, my face was facing her leg. At approximately 1 am , I found myself suffocating, I couldn’t breathe, I was choking but I was also too lazy to get up and check, I couldn’t bear it anymore so I woke up. The horror I faced that night cannot be overemphasized ( ۳º̩̩́_º̩̩̀) ۳ . The windows were locked and the room smelt like burnt rubber mixed with old fish and beans. I was practically in tears; I rushed to open the window to save my life, I lay down on the rug imagining what this girl ate that made her fart toxic and violent farts, the rice was my first guess, she was obviously not aware of the damage she was causing, in a short while I slept off.

I woke up at 5 am the next morning, I was still inshock. And there she was, painting her nails, so early in themorning ( ۳ º̩̩́_º̩̩̀) ۳.


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